Battle for Redemption
by SPNisLIFE
Summary: Sequel to Battle of the Band AU Fic, Castiel, lead singer of multi-platinum band Free Will finds himself in rehab after years of drug abuse. Can he forgive Dean for putting him there. Contains Male/Male Action, Rated M for Sexual scenes, scenes of drug abuse, suggested suicide attempts and colourful language. Dean/Castiel
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: Hello again, welcome to the sequel of Battle of the Band (if you haven't read that yet I suggest you give it a little look see first) **

**This starts of very angst ridden and dark but if you can hold on for a couple of chapters I promise it will have some more light hearted moments, plus we'll see return of all the characters from my last fic. **

**This is set approx five years after the last fic, but we'll be seeing what's happened since in flashback form.**

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke owns the supernatural lot, I'm just borrowing then for a while. **

**Chapter 1 – Misunderstandings **

Castiel curled up on the small hard bed, he was sweating but was freezing cold, the thin blanket covering him scratching at his skin like it was made of wire wool. All of a sudden his stomach lurched again and he leant his head over the side to be sick into the already half full bucket someone had placed next to the bed. He had never felt so low in his entire life, his body felt like it had been hit by a truck and he had no idea how long he had been feeling like this, but that wasn't even the worse part. His heart had been literally wrenched in half by the man that professed to love him. How could Dean do this to him, how could he put Castiel through this.

Castiel woke up, he tried to open his eyes but the sunlight streaming in through the window made his head pound so much that he actually gasped and tried to lift his hands up to shield his eyes, that's when he realised that his wrists were in fact cuffed to the bed, as were his ankles.

He groaned and looked around in terror, trying to figure out where he was and if he was in any danger. It all came rushing back and hit him like a wrecking ball to the chest. He was in some god damn rehab facility and it was Dean that had put him here.

God he felt terrible, he just needed something to take the edge off. Maybe a Valium or something, was that too much to ask! A second later the door to his room swung open and in walked matron type no nonsense nurse.

"Ah Mr Novak I see you have decided to join us again!" She came over to the bed and proceeded to check his vitals whilst Castiel glared at her, taking an instant dislike to her.

"I'm sure you probably don't remember as you have been pretty out of it up until now but I am Nurse Harvell….now if I take off your cuffs are you going to be a good boy or are we going to have a repeat of last night's performance?" She asked indicating the bruises and scratch marks down her left arm.

"I didn't do that, I wouldn't…." Castiel exclaimed shaking his head

"Yeah, just like you wouldn't call me a Fucking scraggy old whore and threaten to have my family killed if I didn't let you go?" She sighed, sounding like a women that had seen and heard far too many of these kind of insults before for them to effect her now.

Castiel just shook his head again, not daring to believe that this was happening the movement made the pain behind his eyes 10 times worse, he actually felt like his eyeballs were going to explode so he asked "Could I have something for my headache, maybe some Tylenol or something stronger?"

Nurse Harvell actually laughed out loud at that request "Yeah sure you can bucko, I'm really going to be giving you some more shit to add to your already overloaded system, Not...Going...To..Happen!" she said the last part as if talking to a five year old.

This made something in Castiel switch and he suddenly started trying to buck away from the bed, straining his arms and legs painfully at his restraints and screaming out animalistic noises through gritted teeth. Nurse Harvell just sighed and turned around saying that she would be back to check on him later. He managed to keep up the bucking and noises for about 20 minutes before wearing himself out and passing out again.

When he woke up the next time it was to find that he had been moved into a different room, this one was less clinical looking than the other and had another bed against the opposite wall. He also found that he wasn't bound to the bed anymore so he tried to sit up to take in his surroundings a bit better.

In the very white room, there were two beds, each with a small shelf above them, the shelf over the bed opposite had a few cards and ornaments on it, he looked up at his own and saw that it was completely empty. Next to the beds were two small bedside tables, yet again the one opposite his had some books and things on it but his was empty. In the corner of the room stood one small lonely chest of drawers, this was next to the door to the room which was open showing some of the clinical looking corridor outside.

Castiel stood up on very unsteady legs and shuffled over to the window, outside he could see lush green gardens with lots of people milling around wearing dressing gowns and slippers. The only indication that this wasn't just some luxury day spar was the very high wall surrounding the gardens, topped with what looked like electric wires; one single set of very impenetrable looking gates was the only obvious way in or out.

Castiel sighed; there was no way they were going to be keeping him in here. As soon as he could he was walking straight out that gate, there was no way they could keep the Castiel Novak contained.

He heard a noise behind him and saw someone coming in the room so quickly scrambled back to his bed and pulled the covers up around him, staring out at the man that was apparently his roommate with just one eye.

"Well well well I see you're finally back in the land of the living!" the ridiculously tall skinny man exclaimed "Please let me introduce myself, I am Garth and I'm a compulsive gambler" He stuck his hand out towards the lump of bedding that contained a quivering Castiel.

The last thing Castiel wanted to do was leave the safety of his blanket but Garth just stood in front of him with his hand outstretched waiting patiently for Castiel to respond, he had a feeling that this man was not one to give up easily so he carefully pealed back a corner of blanket, just enough to squeeze his hand through and limply shook Garth's hand.

"And you are?" Garth questioned

Castiel sighed and showed his face a bit more, thinking that way he wouldn't have to explain, but Garth just kept staring at him waiting for a reply. Castiel was shocked '_Surely he knew who he was, everybody knew who Castiel, the great lead singer of the multi platinum band Free will was?'_

"Um….I'm Castiel" Castiel choked out, his voice sounding like he'd been eating glass.

"Ha ha, yeah dude I'm only messing with you, of course I know who you are! Ha ha ha your face was absolutely priceless!" Garth boomed loudly making Castiel hide back under his blanket.

"So what you in here for then? Let's pretend it's not plastered all over the news…."

Castiel sighed before rolling over and shutting his eyes "I have no idea!" he said broken heartedly and started to weep into his pillow. Garth took this as conversation over and went to sit on his bunk to read. Castiel eventually fell back to sleep.

Castiel got woken up by a shake to his shoulder "Hey Castiel wake up, Castiel it's nearly dinner time, time to get up…!"

"Dean?" Castiel croaked in a hopeful voice and rolled over, only then realizing where he was and who the tall skinny man shaking him was.

"Go away" Castiel grumbled, so not ready to show his face yet.

"No can do little rock star, I've been instructed to bring you with me so come on sunshine up and at 'em!" Garth replied in an overly cheery voice, laced with just a hint of stubbornness which suggested he was not going to take no for an answer.

Castiel decided that he did feel a little hungry so perhaps he should go and get something to eat, build his strength up so he could walk the hell out of here.

As he started to surface Garth rushed over and got him his dressing gown and slippers, almost bouncing up and down with urgency.

"Come on let's get going, or we're gonna be late" He yelled pushing a still half asleep Castiel out the door.

As they walked down the corridor everyone stopped and looked at them, not saying anything just checking out the new guy.

They went through a set of big stainless steel doors at the end of the corridor, which Castiel assumed would lead into a canteen area of some sort but instead they went straight into the kitchen.

"Garth and Castiel reporting for duty" Garth yelled over the noise of the bustling kitchen.

Castiel was horrified to see that it was other 'inmates' that were running around, chopping vegetables, stirring big pots and clearing up.

"About time!" a huge black man snapped back at him before giving them their orders.

"Garth you're on serving duty today, get up front and make sure that everything is ready. You follow me, I'm Rufus by the way" he said pointing at Castiel

Castiel refused to move, just stood exactly where he was _'didn't this bozo know who he was; there was no way he was going to be helping out in a kitchen with these psycho addicts!'_

Rufus realized that Castiel wasn't following him and stormed back over to where he was waiting like an insolent child.

"Is there some kind of problem here?" He enquired menacingly.

"Yes there's a fucking problem!" Castiel cried "I'm stuck in this shit hole with a bunch of fucking addicts when I should be in the studio working on my next album, this is all a big fucking joke and I leaving right the fuck now!" He then stormed out the door and went in the direction of the nearest exit.

He heard the kitchen erupt with laughter behind him, _'Well screw them, they think they can laugh at him, they aren't even on his radar, they are nobodies and the sooner he got out of here and gets on with his life the better!'_

Castiel made it as far as the pathway outside before he was suddenly flanked on either side by some very large orderlies.

"So where do you think you're going then?" one of them asked in a sing-song voice

"None of your business now leave me the fuck alone!"

"Yep that's not going to happen sunshine!" this was from Nurse Harvell who was suddenly blocking the path in front of him.

Castiel stopped and went to walk in the other direction, but everyway was blocked apart from the way he came, he sighed in frustration and stomped back towards the building, thinking that he could find a phone and call…who would he call? The police he'd call the police as he was being kept against his will.

He found what looked like a reception area and stormed towards it hoping to find a phone, he knew he was still being closely followed by the three staff members but chose to use the childish thought of 'if I can't see them they aren't there'.

When he reached the desk he tried to grab the phone but was immediately pulled back by the two men behind him, "Na ah princess, you're coming with me!" Nurse Harvell commanded leading the way through to an office on the other side of Reception. Castiel was all but dragged after her.

"Let go of me you dicks, who the fuck do you think you are, I'll sue your fucking ass, get off of me. I am not staying here and you cannot make me, LET GO!"

By the time he'd finished his rant they had already led him through to a plush office room and shoved him down into a seat opposite a very important looking man, who was observing him calmly.

"Good afternoon Castiel, its good to see you up and about, please allow me to formally introduce myself, I am Dr Campbell and I will be overseeing your rehabilitation treatment during your stay here with us at Mondale Treatment Facility"

Castiel was completely stumped; he didn't know how to react to the pleasant and polite man in front of him, so he just said;

"Please, please this is a mistake, can I just go home now. I shouldn't be here….." He let his head hang there as he said this the fight of moments ago had already drained away and he was just left feeling low again.

"Well I am afraid that just isn't possible, you have been assigned to us by court order because you were deemed suicidal, do you not remember this?" Dr Campbell asked his voice full of concern.

Castiel had a quick flash back of standing on the roof of a hotel building joking to Dean about jumping and Dean acting like an old women as per usual crying for Castiel to come to him, come away from the edge, but that was just a joke, that couldn't be what this Doctor meant.

"I don't know what you are talking about, I am not suicidal that's ridiculous, now if I could just get my things and if you could call my driver I'll be leaving you to it, sorry for the misunderstanding…"

"Castiel, I am very sorry but this is no misunderstanding, we have written statements from people closest to you confirming that you are a danger to yourself and to others because of your drug and alcohol abuse, I'm afraid you will not be leaving us at least until the court ordered two month treatment period is up"

Castiel kept very still for a while just staring at the Doctor _'People closest to him? Danger to others? Drug abuse? What the fuck, he just like to have a bit of fun, it was stressful being the lead in a band and having the media follow his every move surely he was allowed to take a little something to help him relax now and then, this is the work of one person, he just couldn't bare to see Castiel having fun anymore, wanted him to settle down and lead a boring life, this was only one persons fault….'_

"Dean Fucking Winchester! He has done this to me hasn't he, he couldn't handle me having a bit of fun, he turned into a fucking boring square! Its all his fault and I hate him so much!" Castiel was screaming and crying uncontrollably at the end of this, he was picked up by the two large orderlies and carried back to his room, where they deposited him on his bed and left the room.

Castiel just cried his heart out, thinking of how it was all Deans fault, how he had put him here.

**Authors Note: *Peeks out from behind a cushion* So how much do you guys hate me right now for doing this to Castiel? It will get better for him I promise, just gotta get through the tough times first…**

**Please let me know your thoughts on this story so far, even if they just say how much you hate me for putting Cas through this... all reviews welcome (I hope i don't regret saying that!)**


	2. Chapter 2 The Rise of Free will

**Authors note: Phew! I survived the first chapter; I was so worried about what you guys would think…. You all rock!**

**Now its time for some flashbacks…. **

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke owns all / SpnUK owns nothing good L**

**Chapter 2 – The rise of Free will**

_Recap: Castiel just cried his heart out, thinking of how it was all Dean's fault, how he had put him here_.

Castiel walked into the hotel suite and found Dean sitting on the sofa area wearing nothing but the guitar that was resting on his knee. He was strumming the song that he'd written for Castiel the year before, the one that had won them the battle of the bands. Dean looked up as Castiel walked towards him with just a ghost of a mischievous smile on his face.

Castiel slinked over to Dean quietly singing the words as he went. When he was standing directly in front of Dean he knelt down between his legs and gazed into those big green eyes as he continued to sing softly, Dean stopped playing but Castiel sang out the last line;

_"You're my reason for living life now, until my swan song" _

Dean's lifted his guitar out of the way and placed it gently on the floor next to them. He leaned forward and took Castiel's lower lip into his mouth. Castiel moaned and opened his mouth deepening the kiss until they were massaging their tongues together. Dean pulled away for a second and rested his forehead on Castiel's before saying

"I love you so much Castiel, you ARE my reason for living" his voice broke at the end straining under the emotion behind the words.

He then pulled Castiel up onto the chair so that he was straddling his naked lap and removed Castiel's top. Castiel ground his jeans clad groin into Dean's hardening length as Dean trailed kisses and licks around his throat. Dean's hand swept the length of Castiel's firm chest and stomach, reaching the top of his Jeans he started to pop the button's one by one then he slipped his hand inside lightly stoking through the thin cotton. Castiel groaned out Dean's name and started to…..

Castiel woke with a start, someone was tapping him on the shoulder telling him it was time to go to group and asking is he was attending today?

"Huh?..What?" Castiel asked confused before rolling over and seeing Garth standing over him, that's when it all came flooding back in again… '_Rehab, group….Dean!'_

"Fuck off Garth!" he grumbled before rolling back over again and tugging the covers up over his head.

He heard Garth sigh loudly then stomp out the room.

Castiel had been in rehab for nearly a week now, so far he had refused to do anything, even leave his room except to pee. He just sulked like an angry hard done by teenager, not the 24 year old that he actually was.

Garth had tried his best to get Castiel to come and spend time with the other patients, saying that they were a great bunch really. After the few limited interactions he'd had with them Castiel seriously doubted that.

Like when he'd met a short curvy black women called Cassie on the way to the bathroom down the hall, she'd attacked him by pushing him up against the wall and shoving her tongue in and out of his mouth, that is until Nurse Harvell had pulled her off him, scolding Castiel by saying that Cassie was a sex addict and Castiel should not be encouraging her… _'Hello…Gay?!'_

The other time was when a very odd looking man with hollow cheeks and bulging eyes called Alistair had snuck into his room and tried to get Castiel to share his 'drug stash', saying that Castiel was a rock star so he must have contacts to sneak some in.

Oh god how Castiel had wished that was true! He was getting pretty desperate now, just needed a little something to take the edge off and make him forget about the shitty situation that Dean had put him in. But he couldn't even get near a damn phone let alone get a message out to any of his dealers.

The rest of the patients just gawped at him; he could feel their eye on him as he shuffled down the hall towards the bathroom.

Finally on his sixth day in the facility Castiel was called into visit with Dr Campbell again, he hoped so much that he was going to be told that he was being released as he didn't actually have any problems and it was just a big mistake.

Unfortunately it looked like his luck had run right out because instead of being told that he could leave, he was actually told that the treatment program was eight weeks…only as long as he attended the sessions, so by refusing to go to group he was actually making his stay longer.

"What! You have got to be fucking kidding me! This has to be some sort of joke!" He bellowed getting really angry with the situation now.

"Castiel you will find that I never joke when it comes to my patient's treatment" Dr. Campbell replied seriously.

"So you have two choices, keep sulking and keep extending your stay or buck up, play by the rules, attend your group sessions and carry out your scheduled duties, then we might be able to release you in as little as eight weeks time… it's your choice"

So that is how Castiel ended up sitting in a very uncomfortable chair that made up a circle of chairs in a clinical looking room with eight other people all dressed in the regulation robes and slippers.

Even though Castiel was sitting in the group session he was still intent on sulking and had so far refused to actually interact with anyone.

Dr Campbell came waltzing in dead on time and took a seat in the final empty chair in the circle.

"Welcome everyone! Its good to see that you are all here" looking pointedly at Castiel.

"As we have a new member joining us for the first time today how about we go around and introduce ourselves to him before we start the 'significant other' session with Anna" he motioned to the person sitting to his left to start the introductions.

"Um hi, my name is Neil and I am an alcoholic" said a fat bald man with a very red face.

"I'm Cassie and I have intimacy issues, mainly being that I can't get enough of it ha ha ha!" A few people chuckled at this.

"I'm Alistair and I've been put in here because my stupid boss caught me smoking a joint once….dick" One or two people sighed at this.

"Hello my name is Anna and I am here because my friends seem to think I was having too good a time" She said grumpily.

Castiel looked up as she spoke, he recognized the voice and was very shocked to find that it belonged to Anna Milton, the former lead singer of Siren Brigade, the band that had lost out to Free will in the battle of the bands all those years ago.

_**As their name was called out Castiel and Dean grabbed hold of each, squeezing so tight that neither of them could really breathe. Over Dean's shoulder Castiel saw the members of Siren Brigade walking dejectedly off stage, Anna turned just before she went out of sight and looked longingly over to Castiel and the rest of Free will, he had seen in her eyes just how much she had wanted to win. Castiel felt terrible for her but he couldn't dwell on that now because they had won and this could be the start of something big for them.**_

Present day Anna glared back at him and made a point of turning up her nose and looking away, then the introductions continued; "I'm Garth and I'm addicted to gambling" Garth said with a massive grin on his face.

"I'm Ted and I'm a food addict" said a man who must have had at least ten chins.

"I'm Janice and I'm an Alcoholic" said a very posh looking middle aged woman.

After they were done it went very quiet, Castiel looked around to find most of them, including Dr Campbell staring at him expectantly

_'Oh shit they wanted him to talk…how ridiculous they must have all known who he was'_

But he just sighed and said "I'm Castiel and I shouldn't be here"

A few people smirked at that and others looked like they felt sorry for him.

_'Whatever' _he thought and went back to sulking. The meeting continued with Anna's significant other turning up to talk to the group about Anna's problems. She turned out to be a former bandmate called Karen that Castiel vaguely recognized. From what Castiel could tell, she had attended the group meeting just so she could attack Anna, she's started by telling the group about how Anna had gotten heavily into drugs after the band had struggled to make it big, how instead of working hard to get somewhere she just spiraled more and more out of control and wracked up more and more debt, until eventually she was kicked out of the band for stealing from them and went on to sell her body to fund her drug habit.

Anna cried out "You bitch how can you sit there saying all that bullshit, you know it isn't true! Just because you turned into a stuck up bitch that no one wanted to party with anymore! You got me kicked out of the band because you couldn't handle how good I was and how much everyone loved me! How much the men loved me and hated you!"

"The men only loved you because you turned into a whore, they didn't give you drugs and money because they liked you it was because you laid down and spread your legs for them!" Karen cried, getting seriously upset now.

Castiel was very shocked, how could this so called friend come in and say all this crap about Anna, how could someone be so cruel!

Karen really started crying then, "Anna you know I would never say anything untrue about you and I would never hurt you, not like you've hurt me in the last few years. I just want you to get better, you have to admit the truth to start getting better. I honestly wish we had never started that stupid band together it was the root of all the problems for you, just because we couldn't make it big like them" she pointed at Castiel "you couldn't handle it and it ruined you, although I guess it didn't turn out so well for him either and they did make it big…."

When Karen said that Castiel was hit with the memory of how Free will had first made it to the big time.

_**After they won the Battle of the bands they were invited to play so many different venues that it could have been ciaos, somehow though Balthazar had managed all their gig's beautifully making sure the band had enough time to continue with school and practice as well as doing as many gigs as possible.**_

_**Dean, Castiel, Gabe and Kevin were all due to finish school in a few months, Kevin and Castiel's predicted grades meant that they could have attended any college that they wanted, however that was all put on hold when they got their big break.**_

_**Their name had been becoming more and more recognized on the music scene and eventually one of the big record labels had caught wind of them and sent out a scout to one of their shows, they were offered and accepted a recording contract the very next day.**_

_**A month later they were holed up in a very expensive recording studio recording their first album. Dean had written most of the songs, some in collaboration with other writers and some with Kevin, whom it turned out was quite the wordsmith. Their debut single was going to be Swan song, the one that Dean had written for Castiel and the one that had won them the battle of the bands.**_

_**Just two weeks after they finished recording their album, the single Swan song was released and they became an overnight sensation.**_

_**Castiel remembered the first moment it really sunk in that they were making it to the big time, him and Dean had wondered down to the local diner for some lunch and their song was playing on the radio. Dean had been so excited that he'd picked Castiel up and swung him around in a circle before devouring his mouth in front of all the other occupants of the diner earning them a few gasps and whistles. When Dean shouted out that this was their single playing on the radio people actually started coming up and asking for their autographs and having their photos taken with them.**_

Back in the present day group session, Karen had been escorted out when things had gotten really heated between her and Anna. Anna was sobbing like a child; some of the other patients were hugging her or offering her tissues. Some just sat back looking at her with sympathy.

Castiel still couldn't believe that her friend had attacked her like that in front of everyone, but he then he'd never ever thought that Dean could betray him…so he guessed anything was possible.

Later that night after Castiel had helped out in the kitchen peeling about a million potatoes with the bluntest peeler he had ever used; he was lying on his bed thinking back to five years ago when they were just starting out in the band. Seeing Anna and Karen earlier had triggered all kinds of memories and although at the moment it hurt to dwell on them he just couldn't stop himself.

_**Their single entered the billboard 100 at number 10 and continued to storm up the chart. Suddenly it seemed like their pictures were everywhere and every magazine going wanted to interview them. Dean and Castiel had never tried to hide their relationship but when they confirmed it during a particularly intrusive radio interview every single magazine, newspaper and gossip website ran a story about them being a couple.**_

_**One seedy magazine had even managed to obtain one of Lucifer's old pictures of them kissing in the changing room at school and had it emblazed over the front page with the words, ROCKERS SORDID LOVE AFFAIR scrawled across it.**_

_**Gabriel especially had found this absolutely hilarious and kept teasing Dean and Castiel about it for ages.**_

_**Sam had quickly became the band's sex symbol, much to his horror and embarrassment. He was asked to do all sorts of provocative photo shoots for just about every teenage magazine going. Because of things like this Balthazar had arranged for them to get a press coach to help them deal with interviews and awkward questions.**_

_**Balthazar had also managed to negotiate them a four month west coast tour, playing some of the biggest venues that were on offer, this as well as the money they would be making from the album sales was unprecedented and they were all in shock at how quickly things were moving.**_

_**That first tour was probably the most tiring, exhilarating and amazing time of Castiel's life. Even though they had a tour bus provided by the record company Dean still insisted on driving Castiel everywhere in Baby. They would spend hours happily travelling on the road together, discussing everything from their childhoods, their passions and their ambitions before arriving at a new town and checking into yet another hotel.**_

_**The shows were absolutely astounding; the fans would be going wild for them, screaming their names and reacting to every note, every movement that Castiel made. The stages, equipment and set up were worlds apart from what they had been used to, they even had people along to help set up and tune their instruments.**_

_**Every evening after a show finished the whole band would go back to one of the hotel rooms and wind down with a few beers and the occasional joint to relax. Dean and Castiel would then spend hours getting to know every inch of each other's bodies, sometimes in slow sensual lovemaking sessions, sometimes in frenzied wanton fucks. It was literally the happiest four months of Castiel's life.**_

Thinking back about those happy times now was almost killing him, when did everything get so fucked up. Where did him and Dean go so wrong.

**Authors Note: So Castiel is starting to adjust to life in Rehab. I know we haven't had present day Dean yet and it may be a couple of chapters yet, but don't worry he will be coming…..Um that is he will be in the story, well he'll probably be coming as well….Oh you know what I mean! **

**Please let me know your thoughts on this story so far, if you have any flashback ideas that you would like me to include please just let me know. **


	3. Chapter 3 the past always catches up

**Authors note: I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, anything in here is from research or ideas only. **

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke = Supernatural's Master / SpnUK = Supernatural's bitch**

**Chapter 3 – The past always catches up. **

Castiel had been in rehab for two weeks now; he was going about day to day life like a zombie. Just going with the flow with one thought continually going through his brain….the uncontrollable need for something to take away reality, anything would do, hell he'd even settle for some strong painkillers right about now because everything hurt, even his hair throbbed when he ran his fingers through it, he just needed something to take the edge off.

During the group session he had just sat sulking at the side observing the other patients telling their stories or having 'Significant others' come in to tell stories. After her session Anna had spent three days crying continuously then all of a sudden something had clicked in her, she had gotten very very angry. She snapped at everyone and stomped around like she would kill you if you got on her way. Castiel didn't really blame her, if someone came in and told a bunch of lies about him like her supposed friend had done to her, well he'd be pretty pissed off too.

Today Castiel had started a new schedule for duties, he was moved to Breakfast duty and had spent the morning buttering slice after slice of toast at some ungodly hour. This had put him in a very grumpy mood and he really didn't want to attend group today, the only thought that kept him going was that in just under seven weeks he would be getting out of here and he'd be able to finally get his hands on something to take the edge off.

They all shuffled into group and sat in their usual seats, Anna barging past him and nearly sending him flying.

Dr. Campbell came into group and sat down without saying a word. He shuffled through some papers that he had brought in with him. There was an air of anticipation running through the group, everyone wondering whose turn it was going to be today.

"Castiel, you have been very quiet in group thus far so I think its time we heard your story!" Dr Campbell announced much to Castiel's horror.

"So why don't you start by explaining to us why you think you are here for treatment" Dr Campbell requested staring blatantly at Castiel, suggesting that he would not be taking no for an answer.

'_No no no, I don't want to talk to these people….'_ Castiel thought in terror.

Dr Campbell sensed his reluctance and reminded him that if he wished to progress with his treatment and eventually be released he needed to partake in all elements of the group sessions.

"Fine" Castiel huffed, "I think I'm here because my…. because De….because….certain people had a problem with me having a good time" Not quite being able to say Dean's name in that sentence. He thought back to the times that Dean had had a go at him recently

_**Free will had just finished another Gig at the O2 Arena in London; they were in a convoy of big Landrover type vehicles being driven back to the hotel. Dean, Balthazar and Castiel were all in the last one in the convoy as they had had to wait for Castiel to finish in the bathrooms before they could head off. **_

_**Castiel was sitting next to Dean in the back feeling pretty fucking amazing because of the adrenaline from the gig and also because of the pills he'd managed to score whist in the restrooms. **_

_**He started to feel a bit playful so leant over to Dean lightly kissed down his jaw, ran his hand down the front of Dean's top and started rubbing Dean's length through his black leather trousers. Dean caught his hand and gave Castiel a playful but warning look and pulled him in for a chaste kiss, he then gently pushed Castiel back to his side of the car whilst whispering "later baby"**_

_**Castiel wasn't being deterred that easily, "Come on live a little Dean…" He purred whilst going for Dean's crotch again. **_

"_**Cas, dude your brothers in the front seat, can you just hold on until we get back to the hotel" Dean snapped this time.**_

"_**I want you now, I don't care who sees it….everyone can see if they want hell it might even be hot having them all watching" Castiel said his words slurring slightly **_

"_**Cas are you high…..what the fuck have you taken this time?" Dean hissed removing Castiel hand and forcing him back to his side of the car. **_

_**Castiel sighed and replied "Nothing Dean, it doesn't matter, I just wanted to show you how much I care, that's all" then he sulked unhappily 'stupid Dean, bringing him down from his happy moment again!' **_

Dean just had this knack of being able to ruin little moments like that, all Castiel had wanted was to show a little affection but Dean just had to blame things on whatever Castiel may or may not have taken. It was so stupid, Dean just turned into such a boring old jerk!

"So you don't think you have a problem with drugs, is that correct Castiel?" Dr Campbell interrupted his line of thought.

"Of course not, so yeah I occasionally used some uppers or downers, you try being on the road or in the studio non-stop for like five years, you'd need a little help sometimes, its not like I was out of control or anything!" Castiel rolled his eyes at the thought.

"So you were fully in control of yourself when you threatened to throw yourself off the roof of the Beverly Hills hotel after that awards show?" Dr Campbell asked without any expression or emotion at all.

"That was just some stupid misunderstanding, Dean overreacted, I was never going to jump, it was just stupid and Dean was shouting at me again and….well it was nothing…we just had a fight…."

"Hmmm I see, so you don't think you have a problem with drug addiction and your suicide attempt was in fact just a misunderstanding, this is all Deans fault and you are completely blameless, if that correct Castiel? Dr Campbell concluded.

'Finally!' Castiel thought

"Exactly, that is what I have been trying to say for the last couple of weeks!" Castiel exclaimed, relieved that he was finally getting somewhere.

"Well you see, that's troubling because the statement that we received from not only Dean, but other people tell a quite different story as to what led to your being in here, perhaps when your significant other attends tomorrows group session they will help to clear up any misunderstandings"

With that he turned towards Ted, the food addict and started asking how he'd been coping since he'd admitted he had a problem, leaving Castiel wondering who on would be visiting tomorrow and what the hell they were going to say about him.

The next day Castiel was up again at the crack of dawn, this time to grill slice after slice of bacon, he was really not feeling it today, he felt sweaty, sick, headachy and very anxious. God what he wouldn't give to have just a few pills or something to help him get through this, he was getting fucking sick of being stuck in his own head!

After breakfast duty he went back to his room and sat by the window watching the gate, wanting to see who was coming in for him so he could prepare himself. Garth kept bothering him, trying to get Castiel to bet on something stupid like how many times he could flip a coin to land on heads or to guess how many pairs of socks he had in his draw.

"Cas please just come and amuse me for a while, I'm so board and fidgety!" Garth sighed pulling on Castiel's arm.

"Do not call me CAS!" Castiel growled before shoving Garths hand away and glaring at him.

Garth got the message and ran off to bother someone else.

At 11am in was finally time for group, Castiel knew who was coming in now, had seen as they entered the gate and he felt a lot better now, thinking there no way this could be bad. If anyone had his back it was Balthazar, so hopefully he'd convince them to let Castiel go. He almost skipped down to group meeting looking really forward to seeing his brother.

They all sat patiently in the circle, some people looking sorry for Castiel, some looking very worried. Dr Campbell arrived a few moments after they were all seated.

"So I hope you are all well today. A couple of you will be finding out if you have completed your programme at the end of the week so tomorrow and Friday we will have the final significant other meeting's for Janice and Helen. For today though we have a first significant other meeting for Castiel, Castiel your brother Balthazar has been kind enough to allow us some of his time today, how do you feel about that?" Dr Campbell asked

"I can't wait to see him, he'll be able to tell you what a mistake this is and I'll be able to get back out there to record our next top 10 album, rather than being stuck in here you all you addicts…um no offence…" Castiel said cheerfully.

"OK then, I'll go and get Balthazar. Dr Campbell stood up and walked out the door, keeping his face expressionless.

A minute later he walked back in followed by a very serious and un-Balthazar looking Balthazar. He's usual flamboyant suit was replaced with quite a sober pair of grey trousers and a black v-neck top. He did not have his carefree, looking for mischief expression that he usually wore, instead he looked very sombre and a little…upset. Castiel sat beaming at his brother, hoping he would smile in return but when Balthazar caught Castiel's eye he just grimaced and gave a little wave.

'_Oh crap perhaps this isn't going to go the way I was hoping…'_Castiel panicked, the smile not leaving his face but looking a little more forced than it had done.

"Everyone please let me introduce you to Balthazar who is Castiel's brother and is attending as his significant other for this session. Balthazar, Castiel was telling us yesterday how he doesn't believe he has a drug addiction problem, how he didn't try to commit suicide and how he thinks this is all Dean Winchesters fault, would you care to give your point of view on those matters..?"

Balthazar actually glared at Castiel like he had just run over his puppy or something…

"You blamed Dean?! You conceited little shit….all that man has done for you…all the times he has tried to help you! Hell I would have lost patience with you long ago and left you to self destruct as that seemed to be what you were hell bent on doing!"

Castiel tried to interrupt but Balthazar shouted at him with such venom that it made Castiel button up quick smart.

"No Castiel! Let me finish, do you have any idea what you put Dean through, hell what you put the rest of us through….but Dean…he just wanted to help you, he just wanted to love you and you put him through hell! If you saw him now he is in such a state and it's all because he feels like he failed you, he blames himself for not being able to help you….and you're blaming him! I just…I cannot believe you could say something like that let alone think it….you have sunk lower than I thought and I'm not even sure you are worth saving anymore…I just…I can't do this…!" With that he got up and ran out of the room leaving Castiel in complete and utter shock.

'W_hat he said isn't true…Dean's not hurting because of me…Deans hurting because he feels guilty for getting me locked in here for no reason, yeah that's it! Dean knows that I shouldn't be in here but he put me in anyway and now he has convinced Balthy that I'm some kind of low life druggy! Well fuck him; I hope he is fucking hurting!' _

Dr Campbell had chased out of the room after Balthazar, when he returned a little while later he'd actually convinced Balthazar to come back with him, Meg at his side holding his hand, they had been married for about a year now and were close as ever_._

Meg and Balthazar took seats next to Dr Campbell_._

"Group this is Balthazar's wife Meg, she will be joining us for the remainder of the session" Dr Campbell explained.

"So Castiel, what are your thoughts on what your brother said earlier?"

"Well it's clear that Dean has managed to convince him that I was in the wrong….as per usual, I actually thought you would be here to help me Balthy! Dean has gotten me trapped in this place so he doesn't have to fret about me god forbid actually enjoying my life, i thought my big brother might actually be able to help me for one, but I guess I was wrong!"

Balthazar looked over at Castiel like at the very moment he wanted to end his life himself, Meg patted Balthazar's arm and started to talk back to Castiel.

"So what, you thought that after what you did to all of us, how you acted and how you treated your bother here that we'd be coming in all hugs and puppies?!"

"I thought that at least my brother would have my back, he's the only person that I've ever really been able to count on and even he has given up on me now!" Castiel yelled, starting to cry because he felt really sorry for himself now.

"Castiel, you have plenty of people that have given you way more chances than you deserved! You lied to us, stole from us; let me clear up your messes and mistakes time and time again without even a thank you!"

"A thank you! Please, wasn't me paying for your elaborate wedding a thankyou! Besides I never asked you to do those things, you're just as bad as Dean was at worrying about things, I am a grown up you know, I can take care of myself!

"So you paid for our wedding, what do you want…a cupcake? Meg bit out

"You also nearly ruined our wedding by getting trashed and humiliating not only us but Dean and the rest of the band in the process….god you don't even regret that do you, not even a little bit?" Balthazar added.

"I already apologised for that, besides everyone was trashed, it's a wedding so people let their hair down!" Castiel mumbled, still crying his eyes out.

"OK, I think we have talked through enough today" Dr Campbell announced, "I would like to thank Meg and Balthazar for attending" He then ushered them out of the room before they could have anymore interaction with Castiel, whom was being comforted by some of the other patients.

Later that night Castiel started to think back to Balthazar and Megs wedding….

_**It had been an amazing day, a very extravagant and over the top showy affair but still amazing. Castiel and Dean had been best me to Balthazar, Castiel had been a bit nervous about doing a speech, even though he was used to singing in front of thousands of people, things like this still got to him so he managed to score some pills before the meal, knowing that he'd be nice and calm before the speech. **_

_**By the time he was due to give a speech though he was feeling a little bit more out of it that he'd meant to. He thought his speech went quite well though, although he did get a bit carried away and insulted his parents quite a bit, but in a heartfelt way. **_

_**The rest of the night was a bit of a blur; he remembers getting up onto stage to sing with the band but had forgotten the words so just danced around for a while. **_

_**Dean had yelled at him again, so they had gotten into a fight and Castiel had stormed off. He felt very on edge so had hidden away in one of the bedrooms trying to calm down. He lit some candles, thinking they would help to calm him but one had set light to the curtains. It was just bad luck really, he really hadn't meant to cause the fire and he had apologised for it….**_

Back in the present day, Castiel was feeling very sorry for himself again thinking _'why is everyone blaming me for these things. How could Balthazar say that Dean was hurting because of me, Dean has put me in here for goodness sake, if anyone should be hurting then it's me!'_

**Authors Note: Oh dear, poor Castiel everyone is ganging up on him...or are they?! Do you guys want present day Dean yet? if you don't let me know i'll just continue with the story, i have a couple of other visitors before PDDean if not. **

**Please review to let me know what you think, it makes writing this so much more exciting when I have your opinions and ideas. Thank you in advance. **


	4. Chapter 4 Too far Gone

**Authors note: I still don't have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, anything in here is from research or ideas only. **

**I do not condone the use of drugs and am merely describing it for the purpose of the story.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback (is that making sense so far?)**

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke, created the boys that I am messing with. **

**Chapter 4 – To far gone**

_Recap: Dean has put me in here for goodness sake, if anyone should be hurting then it's me!_

It was now three weeks into Castiel's treatment, and over a month since he had last seen or spoken to Dean. Considering they had not been apart for more that a day or two since they got together about five years ago Castiel was finding this very difficult, yes he was angry at Dean for betraying him and forcing him into rehab but he still missed him and had been thinking about their good times together a lot recently.

_**Free will were at the top of the charts again with their forth single, not just in the US but worldwide. Not bad considering they had only released their first single just over six months ago. Balthazar was negotiating a 12 country world tour for them at the moment and the band was beyond excited. **_

_**All Members of Free will were currently taking a well earned break back in their home town of Kansas. They were pretty much house bound because of the crazy fans and paps but just being able to spend some quality time with their families was worth all that. **_

_**They did manage to sneak by the paps occasionally and all meet up at The Shed for a practice/jam session just like old times. Today was one of those days, all the band members, plus Harry and Ed and a few die hard Team Free will members had congregated to just chill out and have some fun together. **_

_**Becky was as per usually all over Gabriel, they had been practically inseparable since the boys and gotten back into town. She had managed to follow them for some of the tour but when she'd had to return home to start college there had been an almighty Becky style strop. Even their production crew and roadies had fled at that sight. Gabriel was so good with her though, you could tell he absolutely adored her, strops and all. **_

_**Right now they were lounging on the sofa area dry humping each other, completely oblivious to the people sitting around them trying to avert their eyes. **_

"_**Right, how's about we have a jam session before those two start losing items of clothing!" Dean said gesturing to the gyrating couple sitting to his right. **_

_**Gabriel lifted his hand up behind Becky and gave Dean the finger but he did then pry Becky off of his mouth and place her on the sofa next to him. Becky pouted and huffed, but the prospect of seeing the boys jam eventually cheered her up. **_

_**Sam had been a bit quiet since this morning, obviously something playing on his mind, so before they started getting set up to play Dean and Castiel pulled him to one side to see what was up.**_

"_**It's Maddie, she's changed since I've been away, she has turned into some kind of monster! Having a go at me all the time, suggesting I've been with other women when on tour and even screamed at me for doing that shoot for seventeen magazine…you know the one with the ice-cream….Its not like I chose to do that, they just tell you where to stand and what to um…touch! I have been completely faithful to her but she just doesn't believe me….I think I'm going to have to break it off with her, I just can't cope with this anymore" Sam explained with full on puppy dog eyes and pouty mouth. **_

_**Dean had pulled Sam in for a hug and said that "It will probably be for the best to end it now, especially as we're leaving in a couple of weeks for the world tour and hey you never know you could meet someone on tour…European Chicks Sammy! European Chicks!" Dean said making Sam laugh and earning a light smack from Castiel. **_

_**Dean leant over to Castiel and said "Don't worry baby European chicks don't so it for me anymore, I like black haired blue eyed rock stars now!" Before capturing Castiel's lips between his own. **_

_**The had then spent a very enjoyable afternoon just practicing some tunes and messing around with other songs, Gabe, Dean and Castiel did a hilarious version of LMFAO's Sexy and I Know it that had everyone else up dancing and gyrating against each other.**_

_**That evening they had all got takeaway together at Castiel's apartment as his parents were away once again. Castiel had probably seen they for all of 10minutes in the last six months, they hadn't even called when he'd been on tour but he didn't really mind, Dean, the band and the Winchesters were Castiel's family now, along with Balthy and Meg of course. **_

_**They'd sat around drinking some beers and listening to some tunes, just happy to be young and carefree again for a while. **_

_**Castiel had popped out to score some weed so they could relax properly and had managed to get some 'E' at the same time, they'd not tried it yet but the others were all pretty open minded and all decided to give it a go as they didn't have much planned for the day after. That evening had been absolutely amazing, they'd all felt so close to each other and like that was the best night of their life! **_

_**After the others had left Dean and Castiel had had sex for hours, slow and sensuous and intense, they had never felt closer to each other. They had finally come together staring deep into each others eyes with stupid grins on their faces, professing their undying love and everlasting commitment to each other. **_

_**That wasn't the bit that Castiel remembered most fondly though, that came the morning after that night. Dean and Castiel were both feeling pretty rough and sore from the drugs and the mammoth love making session, but Dean had gotten up and made Castiel French toast and fresh coffee for breakfast. He'd climbed back in bed with the food then proceeded to cut off chunks of sweet mouth-watering bread and feed them to Castiel leaning in to kiss him after passionately after each bite. **_

_**Once their breakfast was done, Dean had gone and run them a bubble bath and dragged Castiel from under the duvet into the bathroom. They had relaxed together in the bath with Dean's back against the edge and Castiel sitting between his legs resting his back against Dean's chest. Castiel had spent his time washing Dean's legs and arms, memorising every freckle, mark or scar. Then Dean had returned the favour, washing first Castiel's back then moving round to the front. He taken his time rubbing first the sponge and then his fingers over Castiel's nipples until they were bullet hard peaks and Castiel was panting with pleasure.**_

_**Dean then worked his hands lower, running the bubbles over Castiel's hard toned stomach own to his hips, spending extra time on the V that led to Castiel's groin area. He'd dipped his hands below the water and started to massage Castiel's balls rubbing the slippery soap over them until Castiel was bucking up out of the water needing more friction on his throbbing cock. **_

_**Dean finally stoked his hand up the length of Castiel causing him to moan out long and loud, Dean chuckled at that **_

"_**Good Cas?" **_

"_**Mmmmmmm!" was all he got in reply because Dean was now alternating between rubbing up and down the shaft and massaging around the head. **_

_**Castiel looked down and watched transfixed as Dean continued to pleasure him, Dean was kissing and sucking all around Castiel's neck. **_

_**Just as he felt Castiel was about to come Dean whispered menacingly "You are mine Castiel!" then he sucked down hard on Castiel's neck. **_

_**The words, the sensation of being marked and the relentless pumping sent Castiel toppling over the edge, he cried out "Fuck Dean…Fuck!" In pleasure as he spurted all over his stomach and Dean's hand arching his back away from Dean. He had collapsed back down again, water splashing everywhere, feeling truly amazing and so loved he had actually shed a tear, but had pretended to Dean that he'd been splashed by water. This was one of his happiest memories, before it had all started to go wrong…. **_

Castiel snapped out of his daydream, and plunged back into the very different and harsh reality. He was due to attend group soon so had better get a move on.

Castiel's group had changed a bit in the last week, Janice and Helen had been replaced by a young guy named Ben who was a drug addict and a feisty young women called Jo who was also here for drugs and was very very angry about that.

Yesterday Garth had been visited by his mother for his significant other session, it had been very difficult for Castiel to watch his friend/roommate admit that he had stolen and almost ruined his mother by getting her so into debt because of his problem that she had lost her house and almost all of her possessions. Garth had finally admitted that he had a real problem and had been crying ever since. It hurt Castiel's just to look at him, Garth had been such a happy positive character before but now he was so broken.

Dr Campbell entered the room followed by a very tall and built man with shaggy dark hair; he was wearing shades so Castiel didn't recognise him straight away but as soon as he got closer Castiel recognised the bitch face pout that he was pulling.

'_Shit its Sammy!'_ he thought suddenly going very cold and his stomach dropping.

"Group I would like to introduce you to Sam Winchester, he is another significant other for Castiel, and he contacted me yesterday directly asking if he could come in to see Castiel. As you all know we can only allow these visits in a group setting at this stage so I agreed as long as he attended group today"

"Castiel, I assumed you'd be OK with Sam being here today?" he asked

"Um yeah, I think…" Castiel replied.

"So Sam I believe you had something that you needed to say to Castiel?" Dr Campbell asked

Sam shifted in his chair, looking far too big for the small blue stackable seat. He slowly removed his sunglasses and looked up causing a couple of the women in the group to gasp, at 22 Sam had grown into an absolutely stunning hulk of a man, all brooding eyes and rippling muscles. Oh and the hair, it was just past his jaw line now and flowed in long shiny waves that when he ran his fingers through it had actually caused women to pass out.

Sam stared direct at Castiel for a moment just looking as if trying to find the right was to start.

"Cas, how could you do that to Dean, to us all?"

Castiel scowled "Do what exactly Sam..?"

"You have broken him, he is destroyed because of you, he doesn't sleep, doesn't eat, wont pick up his guitar. All he does is lie in bed staring at the ceiling….all because he feels like he has let you down because he finally gave in and got you the help that you so desperately needed. If you had just stopped using when he asked…when we all asked time and time again!

"It's not my fault he feels guilty Sam!" Castiel cried, "he should feel fucking guilty, he got me fucking sectioned for fuck sake, if he really loved me how could he betray me like that, how could he do this to me…!" Castiel started sobbing then, absolutely heartbroken.

Sam, who had started crying too said very quietly, almost like it hurt to say the words

"How can you say that Cas, Dean loves you more than anything else and probably always will. He only did this to save you, he only did this because you were going to kill yourself and he couldn't just let that happen. It has almost killed him to send you away, but he knew there was no other option. After that night….after he nearly lost you he just couldn't do it anymore"

"I keep telling everyone I was only joking around that night and I wouldn't have actually jumped, shit why does no-one believe me!"

"Because it wasn't the first time Cas, you know that, what about the numerous od's and the cutting, what about when you drove the Impala into the river…how was Dean to know that you wouldn't jump when you seemed so hell bent on ending your life! You ruined him that night and yet you are showing no remorse. I came here today to see if you had any regret at all for what you did to my brother, to see if their may be a chance that you could get better and then come and make Dean better, but I see now that you are the selfish, arrogant, twisted bastard that you have been for the last year or so. So that's it, I'll have to try and help Dean myself, I just hope he isn't too far gone for saving like you clearly are!" With that Sam pulled his shades back on and stormed out of the room, with maximum dramatic effect.

Everyone in the group just stared open mouthed at Castiel, unsure of what his reaction would be.

Turns out there was no reaction, he was just numb and frozen, unable to communicate or function in any way. He just had the words Sam had spoken running through his head again and again and again _"So that's it, I'll have to try and help Dean myself, I just hope he isn't too far gone for saving like you clearly are!"_

**Authors Note: Has Sam been able to get through to Castiel, or are he and Dean too far gone to be saved. **

**I believe a certain Dean Winchester – present, may be making an appearance in the next chapter, what do you guys think about that?!**

**Your reviews make me as happy as driving around in the Impala makes Dean happy – so you know what ya gotta do… thanks x**


	5. Chapter 5 Breaking point

**Authors note: Thank you for the reviews – you guys…you are awesome!**

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – its all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke created the boys that I am messing with. **

**Chapter 5 – Breaking point**

Dean Winchester was such a strong character; nothing could faze him, let alone defeat him. He had an iron will and the determination of an Olympic athlete; he could meet any problem head on and sort it out with efficiency and ease.

However Dean Winchester was now broken…..

Dean felt more helpless, afraid, guilty and alone than he had ever felt in his entire life. The last five years had been such a rollercoaster of emotions and he just couldn't take it anymore.

The same thoughts were running through his head over and over again driving him to the edge of insanity.

'_There must have been something else I could have done for him, some other way that I could have helped him rather than sending him away. But If I hadn't helped him he may well be dead now so he would have been taken away forever. I couldn't have continued like that, he was not my Cas anymore, he was a drug crazed Cas whose only thought was for his next fix, it has nearly killed me to send him away but it very likely would have killed us both to keep him here as he was'_

Dean tried to block out all memories of the good and bad times with Cas, he refused to talk about him with anyone, no matter how much Sam or Gabriel or his mother pressed him. He just laid there slowly driving himself insane with guilt and loss.

The shell of the former Dean Winchester was hiding under his duvet wishing the world would disappear, if not the world then at least Sam Winchester, because he seemed hell bent on driving Dean insane with his mother hen act.

"Dean, come on please just eat this soup that I made for you, then I'll leave you alone for a while I promise!" Sam huffed trying to pull back the duvet again.

"I'm not sick Sam; I don't need your poxy soup!" Dean growled out from the safety and comfort of his duvet fort.

"Look if you don't eat this god damn soup then I am going to call Mom and get her to make you eat it!" Sam said, reaching the end of his tether.

"Oh real mature Sammy, go tell Mom on me!" Dean said, but he really didn't want his Mom coming and getting all up in his business so he flipped off the cover, grabbed the soup bowl from Sam and proceeded to shovel it in all the while glaring over the top of the bowl at his smug looking brother.

"So Dean, do you plan on getting up at all this month…." Sam ventured, thinking he may as well continue now he'd gotten Dean to eat.

Dean stopped eating and stared into his soup for a second, before whispering "What is there to get up for Sammy…." A single tear escaping from the corner of his bloodshot, tired looking eyes and dripping into his soup. He put the bowl down on the bedside table and retreated back into the safety of his duvet fort.

Sam sighed and walked out of the room, knowing that he wouldn't get any more interaction from Dean today, he really shouldn't have pushed it.

That had been two weeks ago and nothing had really changed since then except that Dean had taken to watching hours upon hours of TV rather than sleeping constantly. Yesterday Sam had had enough and he'd contacted the hospital to arrange a visit with Castiel, he needed to see if he was getting any better and if he may be able to help Dean.

Unfortunately after seeing Castiel earlier today he'd realised just how far in denial he was and that he probably wouldn't be able to help his brother out, so it was going to be down to Sam. Sam was not used this, it was always usually Dean that looked after him.

Sam crept into Dean's room; it was one of six bedrooms in the ranch style property, on the outskirts of Kansas that Castiel and Dean had purchased about two years ago as a retreat away from the hustle and bustle of the LA lifestyle.

Dean was sitting watching one of the mindless sitcom programs that he seemed to be obsessed with now days, this one was a hospital show with a supposedly sexy male doctor character as the lead. Sam went and sat in the chair next to Dean's bed just watching the show with his brother for a while in silence, trying to think of a way to broach the subject with his very volatile brother.

He decided to just be honest.

"Dean, I…um…I visited Cas today…" Sam said in a quiet guilty voice, not sure what reaction he was going to get.

"What!?" Dean cried "You did what?!" Shooting dagger glances over at his brother.

"Yeah, I contacted his Doctor yesterday and then went to visit him today as part of his group sessions….I just needed to see how he was doing and if he was going to be getting better soon so that he could come and make you better….Dean I can't just sit and watch you do this to yourself anymore! I just can't!" Sam started crying as he finished.

Dean leant over and pulled his baby brother in for a hug, "Sammy, I'm so sorry Sammy, I just don't know how to deal with this, I let him down Sammy, I sent him away!" Dean started sobbing then too.

They sat there sobbing and holding each other for about 10 minutes without saying anything, Sam was the first to break the silence.

"Dean, it is not your fault he's in there, it's his fault and his fault alone. If you hadn't had the guts to do what you did you know he may not have survived. Just seeing what he put you through for the last year especially, I wanted to send him away myself but I knew you would never have forgiven me if I'd done it. You have to forgive yourself now, the Castiel you fell in love with is so far gone Dean, you have to let him go and live for yourself now, please try to let him go"

Dean just sighed at this, he didn't know what to think, and his brain was so scrambled at the moment. He needed to know one thing though.

"Sammy, how was he…? When you saw Cas, how was he doing?"

Sam's expression hardened with anger

"He is in denial big time Dean, he is not doing any better and I'm not sure that he will do any better, that is why I think you need to let him go and try to move on with your life. You have wasted too much time on him and he has only given you hurt, pain and anger in return. I can't watch him do that to you anymore"

"I don't know what to do Sammy" Dean sighed, sounding more like a five year old boy than a 24 year old man.

Sam pulled Dean in for another hug, feeling so sorry for his brother and the situation he was in. Sam didn't think he would know what to do if he was in Dean's place, would he be able to walk away and get on with his life?

After a little while Sam said "Well i know one thing that you could do and that's get up and shower, seriously dude I didn't want to mention it before but you hum big time" Sam chuckled trying to lighten the mood a bit now he had said what he needed to.

"Bitch!" Dean chuckled back sniffing in the general direction of his armpit and turning up his nose.

"Jerk!" Sam laughed pulling his brother back in for a yet another hug, despite the smell.

Whilst Sam and Dean were busy re-bonding, Castiel was busy being a complete and utter mess. He was having major withdrawal problems, that combined with Sam's visit a few days ago had really knocked him for six. He would cry at the drop of a hat, not just dignified crying but full on curled up in a ball cover in snot sobs that would put even a Becky fit to shame. Either that or he would get angry, seriously hulk type angry and anyone that got in his path would get the brunt of it.

His mind could not let go of the things that Sam had said to him and he was just so confused by it all

'_could I really have been as bad as Sammy said? I know I did some pretty shitty things but everyone makes mistakes and I always apologised, plus its not like all of them didn't take drugs with me, ok not so much in the last year or so but definitely in the beginning, they are just hypocrites that couldn't handle the party lifestyle anymore. We're a fucking rock band for fuck sake, taking drugs is what we should do, we would just be fucking lame without them!'_

He then started to reminisce about the good times they'd had_._

_**It was about three years ago when Dean and Castiel first tried Cocaine. They had just finished recording their second album and had a couple of weeks off before they were due to start the promotional tour so they decided to let loose for a while and head to Las Vegas for a little R&R. **_

_**Cas went out to score something whilst Dean was busy playing roulette. He came back and dragged Dean away from his game excitedly. **_

"_**Dean I have something a bit different for us to try lets head back to the room for a while!" **_

_**Once up in their suite Castiel revealed the white powder to Dean, who looked a bit sceptical. **_

"_**Cas I'm not sure about this, some weed and pills are OK occasionally but do we really want to be messing with this shit?" **_

"_**Come on Dean, live a little we have just finished recording our second album for fuck sake we deserve a bit of a celebration, lets just give it a try…." He said smiling and waggling the little bag of white powder at Dean. **_

_**Dean laughed and rolled his eyes at Castiel's excited little face "OK Cas I guess you're right, lets do this shit!" **_

_**So they both snorted up a line and sat back grinning at each other waiting for the drug to take affect. **_

_**Within minutes they both felt amazing, Castiel especially loving the euphoric feeling that the drug was giving him. They also felt an increasing need to get closer to each other. Castiel sprang across the room and landed in Dean's lap on the sofa claiming his mouth in a brutal demanding kiss. Dean returned the kiss with equal enthusiasm, they continued attacking each other for some time until the need to get even closer overwhelmed them. Their clothing was quickly shed and Castiel started to massage their engorged cocks together making them both moan with pleasure into the others mouth. **_

_**Castiel let go of their throbbing lengths and moved his hands lower, forcefully pushing Dean's thighs apart so that he could gain access to the entrance between his legs. He reached over to his jeans and grabbed some lube which he always kept handy, and poured generous amounts onto his fingers before getting to work prepping Dean open. **_

_**Before long Dean was moaning uncontrollably as Castiel knelt between his legs on the sofa fucking his ass with his fingers. Castiel needed to get inside him now, but he had a very naughty idea that he'd like to try, so he grabbed Dean's hand and led him over to the patio doors and out onto the balcony. Luckily this was a high end suite so they weren't flanked on either side by other balconies and were pretty much hidden from view, however if someone was to walk through the complex below and look up in this direction they would definitely be seen, which just added to the excitement.**_

_**Castiel shoved Dean up against the balcony rail facing out over the edge. Dean now understanding what Castiel wanted bent forward slightly and spread his legs, giving Castiel easy access. **_

_**Castiel stoked down Deans back, followed by little butterfly kisses right down the centre of his spine until he reached the crack of his ass, he parted Dean's cheeks exposing his puckered and willing hole running his fingers over it lightly to tease Dean some more, until Dean breathed out "Cas, now please!" he then place a kiss on both of Deans cheeks before kissing his way back up to his neck.**_

_**Without warning Castiel placed himself at Dean's entrance and thrust deep inside. Dean cried out "Fuck Cas!" Castiel stilled for a moment letting Dean adjust whilst running his hands up and down his spine. **_

_**Dean started to push back onto Castiel signifying that he was ready for some more so Castiel pulled almost all the way out and then thrust back in, he did this again and again, each time Dean would cry out "Cas!" or "Fuck!" **_

_**Castiel started to pick up a rhythm, pumping in an out of Dean, both of them feeling almost overwhelmed by the heightened sensations. Castiel stoked his arm around to Dean's front and started to pump his massively sensitive cock. The feeling of the drugs coursing through his veins plus the feeling of being so exposed and out in the open was almost too much for Castiel, he was completely losing control thrusting harder and faster into Dean. Both of them screamed out in absolute ecstasy as they reached completion together Dean spilling his seed out over the balcony and Castiel pumping his into Dean's ass.**_

That had been only one of the amazing sessions that him and Dean had had together whilst high on something, he just didn't understand why Dean had suddenly decided that it wasn't a good idea anymore. Why he had decided that Castiel had a problem, when Dean had been right there with him in the beginning doing it as well.

Castiel was really grumpy and confused now; he was hard and horny from thinking back about the balcony events but also angry at Dean again because he had now ruined the moments like that, they could never be like that again after what Dean had done. He didn't have time to dwell on that now though as he had to attend another stupid Group session.

Castiel took up his usual place in group and watched silently as Anna had a 'breakthrough' by admitting that she had a problem and hoped to start making it better. 'What an idiot!' Castiel thought angrily at her 'She has just signed herself up to a boring sober life, with no excitement!'

At the end of the session, when most of the group were hugging and congratulating Anna, Castiel just stayed in his seat sulking.

"Group I am very pleased to announce a surprise 'significant other' visit for one of you tomorrow, I have a feeling this will be quite an important and insightful visit for you Castiel, your partner Dean Winchester is coming in to visit you tomorrow." Dr Campbell announced.

That's when Castiel passed out.

**Authors note: So it look's like Dean figured out what to do, he is going to go and talk to Castiel. **

**Please let me know what you think their reunion will** **be like, I love hearing your views and expectations of my story. Thanks for reading. **


	6. Chapter 6 Forever lost

**Authors note: Thank you again for the reviews; it is a joy to receive each and every one of them.**

**This is the big angst overload chapter, hopefully things will improve after this is out of the way.**

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – its all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke owns all things SPN; I'm borrowing and will give them back unharmed when I'm done. **

**Chapter 6 – Forever lost**

_Recap "Group I am very pleased to announce a surprise 'significant other' visit for one of you tomorrow, I have a feeling this will be quiet an important and insightful visit for you Castiel, your partner Dean Winchester is coming in to visit you tomorrow." Dr Campbell announced._

_That's when Castiel passed out._

Dean had finally spoken to his Mom about the situation with Castiel when he'd eventually returned one of her numerous phone calls.

"Mom, I don't know what to do, I am so lost at the moment. On one hand I can't even think about him without feeling angry at what he put me through for the last year and on the other hand I miss him so god damn much that it sometime hurts to breathe when thinking about him, that mixed up with the guilt of giving up on him and sending him away, its nearly driving me insane…"

"Oh honey, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am glad however that you are ready to talk about it now, you know you bottle things up too much sweetie"

"Yeah I know Mom and I'm sorry for shutting you out before, I just couldn't handle it. Mom I really don't know what to do now, Sam said that Cas is still in complete denial about what he has done and doesn't show any signs of remorse or improving. I know it will probably kill me to do it but I think I need to go and visit him to try and make him see sense. I think I need to try this one last time, or I will regret it forever. Sam is totally against the idea because he lost all faith in Cas ages ago and doesn't think he can improve now, but I think I have to at least try?"

"Well I think you are right honey, if you don't try this one last time then you will always be wondering 'what if?' I know you Dean and this will eat you up inside, so I suggest you go for it but if it doesn't work, well then you have to walk away for good."

"Yes you're right, thanks Mom" Dean said feeling a little more confident about his choice.

He ended the conversation with his mother, her reminding him that she is there for him whatever happens. He then contacted the rehabilitation centre to see about arranging a visit.

Castiel was very nervous, he hadn't seen Dean in over a month and really didn't know what to expect from his visit. He was sitting on his bed fretting about it when Garth walked in and sat next to him.

"Castiel, how you doing buddy?" Garth questioned.

Since Garth's admittance that he had a problem, he seemed lighter and more positive; he was progressing all the time and would probably be leaving the centre in the next few weeks.

"I really don't know Garth; I didn't expect him to come! I am still really angry with him for putting me in here but part of me really wants to see him because we were together all the time and…well I miss him"

"Don't get angry with me ok, but have you ever considered that he really thought that sending you here was his only option? I know you don't think you had a problem with drugs but perhaps he truly believed you did and was trying to help you?" Garth said logically.

Castiel tilted his head to the side questioningly whilst looking over at Garth. He then erupted;

"He didn't have to send me here because I don't have a problem! He just wanted me out of the way, probably so he could shack up with some other guy or something!" Castiel was shaking with anger now. Deep down he knew that Dean wouldn't be shacking up with something else and that he was maybe only trying to do what was best for Castiel, but he still couldn't understand why, why he would send him away and it made him confused and angry"

Garth had given up trying to talk to Castiel about it all then; he just hoped that this Dean may be able to talk some sense into him during their group session later that day.

After lunch all the group members trailed along to the meeting room and took up their seats, half of them looked over at Castiel with sympathy knowing that this was not going to be easy for him, the other half were the newer patients, they were too caught up in their own problems to care about Castiel.

Castiel just stared down at the floor trying desperately to keep calm and compose himself.

A few minutes' later two people walked into the room and sat in the remaining two chairs, Castiel assumed this was Dr Campbell and Dean but he didn't know for sure as he was refusing to look up from the floor.

Dr Campbell was the first to speak, addressing the group;

"Good afternoon everyone, I would like to introduce you to Dean Winchester he is here as Castiel's significant other for today's sessions, Dean perhaps you could explain your relationship with Castiel to the group"

Dean cleared his throat preparing to speak, Castiel fought against the need to look up at him, not knowing if he could cope with looking into the deep green eyes.

"Cas and I are together, um…were together for five years, we met each other at high school when we joined a band and have been together as a couple and as part of the band ever since" Dean said in a quiet unsure voice.

"Thank you Dean, now it was you that requested Castiel to be treated in this facility, why don't you explain to the group why you felt the need to take that course of action?" Dr Campbell asked.

Castiel did not want to listen to this but knew that he couldn't escape anywhere, so he just sat on his hands to fight against the urge to cover his ears like an insolent child.

Dean cleared his throat again; it was a clear sign that he was nervous.

"I um…." He stopped again, paused for a moment before sighing loudly and adding "Cas? please look at me; I can't say this unless I can say it to you, so yeah please can you just look up!"

Castiel couldn't help but gasp at the pain that filled Dean's voice; it almost broke his heart to hear it. How could he deny a request that was asked of him with that much feeling, so he looked up and locked eyes with Dean for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Castiel gasped at Dean's appearance, he looked much thinner, and his eyes were red with huge bags under them like he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a while. His hair desperately needed cutting and his lips were all chapped and pale.

"Dean….?" Castiel croaked tilting his head to the side.

"Cas" Dean croaked back "I know you probably hate me right now for forcing you into here, but I didn't have any other choice, I tried everything to stop you from doing that to yourself but it just drove you to the point of self-destruct, I thought I was going to lose you that night and if I had that would have killed me too"

Castiel rolled his eyes "Dean I was perfectly in control, you pushed me and pushed me with your constant bitching about me having a bit of fun, or asking what I'd been up to and searching my pockets. I was sick of you attacking me all the time, and then you pushed me away, put me in here….how could you do this to me Dean, how could you?!"

Dean's face reddened in anger, and his eyes turned black as they bored into Castiel's. "All of that, everything I did was to try and help you Cas, you still have literally no Idea how far gone you really were do you? You have no idea what you put me through!"

Before Castiel could respond Dr Campbell interrupted him "Dean please could you share with the group what happened the night that you requested for Castiel to be sent here for treatment?"

Dean looked down at the floor for a few moments as if trying to recall the events of that evening, he then looked back up in to Castiel's eyes, the hurt and anger that Castiel saw in him momentarily took his breath away.

"That night was the worst night of my life and was the breaking point for me and Cas. We were due to be in the recording studio that day, but Castiel hadn't turned up. I hadn't seen or spoken to him since the day before as he hadn't bothered to come home or tell me where he was and his phone was going through to voicemail. This was not unusual for Castiel based on the last few months' behaviour but I knew that he'd be acting out worse than usual because of the row we'd had the day before. Cas was pissed off because me and Balthazar had warned off his latest set of dealers, I'd also hidden all of Castiel's cards and cash in the hopes that he would stay sober for once and we could talk properly about his drug addiction, but instead Cas had fled.

I had no idea where to and had spent the entire evening searching his local haunts with the help of Gabe, Sam and Balthazar. We finally gave up at about 2am as no one at all had seen him. When he didn't show up at the recording studio the next day I really started to worry, because no matter how fucked up he got he still loved the band and would always make an effort to attend important things like that.

So I went out searching again, at about 9pm that evening I finally found someone that had seen him, apparently he'd left the seedy bar with a couple of the rough regulars, luckily one of the people there knew where they would have gone to so I quickly made my way there…..I found….I walked in on Cas sucking one of they guys off and the other filming it. So I went mental and grabbed the camera smashing the fuck out of it, know that if I didn't the footage would be sold to the highest bidder, Castiel's drug problems were getting harder and harder to keep out of the press as he was getting more reckless.

Once I had smashed up the camera and beaten the fuck out of the one guy that hadn't fled I dragged Castiel kicking and screaming out of there. He was pretty fucked but kept saying that I had ruined everything and that they were going to give him more drugs if he put on a little show for them. He then started attacking me saying that I never slept with him anymore so what did it matter if he fucked someone else.

I managed to get him into a taxi and back to the hotel, he'd kept pretty quiet, just sulking the whole way back but as soon as we got into the room he turned on me, smashed up the hotel room and started accusing me of ruining everything again. He then fled, so I followed and caught up with him on the roof.

He….. he started climbing over the edge…" Dean sobbed at this the memory overwhelming him. He took a deep breath before continuing

"He said that I hated him and that I wanted him dead so why shouldn't he just end it all. He was like a deranged animal, nothing I said calmed him down and I was sure that I was going to lose him right then and there!"

Again Dean sobbed, tears streaming down his face "I didn't know what to do I called out to him and tried to convince him to come away from the edge, at one point he tripped and I was sure that he was going to fall, so I rushed forward and clung to him, pulling him back, I didn't care if it pulled me over too I had to try and save him. A stroke of luck meant that we both toppled backwards onto the hard flooring Cas landed awkwardly and banged his head on the floor, rendering him unconscious. So I did the only thing I could think to do and got him the help he so desperately needed"

Castiel was stunned, that was not how he had remembered the evening at all but now hearing it from Dean brought back all kinds of horrific flashbacks, the seedy club, doing whatever those guys wanted for drugs and knowing that he would have done a whole lot more if they had wanted, to let them film him as well, to say the things that he had to Dean, Dean had not even mentioned that worse things that Castiel had said that night, oh and god on the roof what the hell had he been thinking, he could have gotten them both killed. Fuck it's all true, he did have a problem, he was out of control and he had nearly lost Dean because of it, may still have lost Dean because he wasn't sure if he could see a way back from this, would Dean ever be able to forgive him.

He got his answer when Dean added;

"That night was so nearly the end for both of us Castiel, and I cannot do that again, you were so out of control and you hurt me so much, I just I don't think I can forgive you for that. I hope you get better and I hope you manage to sort your life out and have some sort of future, but I'm sorry it won't be a future with me….I'm done Castiel, I cannot do this anymore"

With that Dean got up and started to walk out tears still streaming down his face but looking more resolved than he had done coming in. Castiel couldn't just let him leave like that so he rushed over and grabbed Deans hands, then knelt down in front of him and started begging;

"Please Dean, please don't walk away. I am so so sorry, I realise that it is all my fault now, that I am a complete mess and that I need to sort myself out but please don't leave me, please give me one last chance, I'm begging you please let me try and make it up to you…." He sobbed again.

But Dean just pried his fingers out of Castiel's grasp and walked out of the room, leaving Castiel choking out sobs as he curled up in to a ball on the floor of the group session room.

_'I have lost him forever and it's all my fault. I am seriously fucked up….'_

**Authors note: *Sob* oh that was tough to write. That should be as bad as it gets folks, it can only get better from here….right? **

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Please if you have a spare moment send me a little review. **

**My name is SpnUK and I am a review addict!**


	7. Chapter 7 Revelations

**Authors note: Wow! You guys really are awesome. I'm so glad you liked that last chapter and really sorry if I made some of you cry…(Evil chuckle!)**

**Shall we see how our boys get on now?**

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – its all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke is like a god of SPN, I am his minion. **

**Chapter 7 – Revelations **

_Recap: But Dean just pried his fingers out of Castiel's grasp and walked out of the room, leaving Castiel choking out sobs as he curled up in to a ball on the floor of the group session room._

'_I have lost him forever and it's all my fault. I am seriously fucked up….' _

Castiel was an amazing singer and outstanding performer for a platinum selling rock band, he had a well above average IQ, an amazing boyfriend who loved him with all of his heart and had the determination and courage to succeed in anything he put his mind to.

Castiel was now a broken drug addict….

Castiel was sat on his bed with is knees pulled up to his chest sobbing quietly. He was flanked on either side by Garth and Anna; they had not left his side since he'd had the realisation that he did in fact have a problem and that this problem may have ruined everything that had been good in his life.

After Dean had left Castiel could not stop the flashback of the other hideous things he had done to those nearest and dearest to him whilst fucked up on coke or some other substance.

To stop himself going mad he had started to share these stories with Garth and Anna, they in turn shared some of the equally monstrous things that they had done as a result of their addictions. Castiel was currently telling the story of how he'd ruined Dean's pride and joy;

"So Dean had caught me snorting a line in the kitchen, he had gone mental because his parents were staying with us for the weekend and he didn't want them to see me doing drugs. By this point Dean had given up doing any drugs at all, the joy of it had worn off for him after only about a year or so of doing it. Unfortunately it never wore off for me; I just kept going and going, doing more and more of anything and everything that I could get my hands on.

Castiel shook his head sadly and Anna grasped his hand encouraging him with her eyes to proceed.

"Yeah so Dean went mental, saying couldn't I even get through one simple evening in with his folks without getting high, he told me I was fucked up and that I needed help, he also said that he was getting sick of seeing me wasted all the time and asked how I couldn't see that I was doing too much!"

"Let me guess, you got angry? I know I did when anyone pulled me up on my using, like why did they have the right to have a go at me about having a good time?" Anna added remembering back to similar situations she had been in.

"Yeah you could say I got angry, I also got vengeful. Dean pretty much banded me from being around his parents for the rest of the weekend saying he didn't want them to see what a fucked up drug dependant loser I had become. He told me to take a cab and go stay with Balthazar for a while, however when he kicked me out the front door I saw his car or 'Baby' as he liked to call it sitting in the driveway.

Garth interrupted "Oh no dude, not the man's car – you don't mess with a man's car! What was Baby by the way?"

"It was a 1967 black refurbed Chevy Impala and I killed it! God Dean was so upset, as I knew he would be, but I just had to get back at him then and there no matter the cost, turns out it nearly cost me my life. I snuck back in the house and stole Deans keys then crept into the driving seat of his car and started the engine, as I roared off down the gravel path I saw Dean come running back out the front door, he looked so fucking livid! I didn't know where I was going at first, just driving, but then I saw the signs for the lake and I just couldn't stop myself so I crashed through the fence surrounding the lake and drove baby straight into the water"

Anna gasped at this "Shit, you could have been killed!"

"Yeah I know that now, but It wasn't until the car started sinking and filling up with putrid lake water that I realised what I had actually done. I tried to open the door but of course the pressure of the water on the outside had welded it shut. Luckily there were some people fishing nearby and they came and smashed the window to get me out. By that time I was unconscious so was rushed to hospital. When I came round in the hospital bed Dean was sitting in the chair next to me, he was crying because he was upset that I had nearly killed myself but also because he was so angry with me. I knew I could have and probably should have lost him then and there, so I promised to stop using, promised to change my ways and I meant it for a while…..well for about three weeks. That was when Chuck, my pet dog, had to be put down and I lost the plot again as I couldn't cope so I turned back to the only thing that numbed the pain"

"Oh Castiel, he must really truly have loved you if he stuck with you after that, perhaps there may be a chance that he'll be able to forgive you for everything else?" Anna said trying to give Castiel hope.

"You have no Idea how much I would love to believe that Anna, I really would but I think I have a long long way to go before Dean will even talk to me again, let alone start to forgive me and rightly so. I cannot believe he even bothered to come and visit me after all I have put him through"

After this they all sat in sad silence, remembering the things that they had done to the people that loved them.

Meanwhile Dean was trying to sort himself out as well; after a couple of weeks he had moved all of his stuff out of the place that he'd shared with Castiel in Kansas and into a nice penthouse apartment overlooking LA.

The next thing he had to sort out was Free will so that is why he invited all the band members, plus Meg and Balthazar round to his new place to discuss what they were going to do next.

As manager Balthazar went first to explain what was happening with him;

"I have been in talks with the record company and explained the situation; they are not best pleased to put it mildly! We have postponed the next album indefinitely, but are going to have a fight on our hands because we are still tied into another two album deal"

"There is no more Free will…they cannot get something out of something that doesn't exist anymore, if they want a fight we will give it to them, but there will be no more albums….at least not for now" Dean signed sadly.

Everyone looked very sad at this thought but they all knew Dean was right, they could not continue without Castiel and they had no idea how long it would take or if he would ever recover at all.

Balthazar took this as a good time to give them a small bit of hope;

"I heard from Castiel's Doctor on Monday, apperentky he is making real progress, Dean I don't know how you managed it but I think you did actually get through to him, which after my previous visit I never would have thought possible. This gives me hope that he may actually recover from this and that there could once again be a band" Balthazar sighed wistfully at the thought, then continued;

"That is a very long way off though so I can only suggest that we venture into other projects for a while. I am taking my wonderful wife on honeymoon as we never actually got the chance after the…um fire and everything. So as of next Saturday we will be embarking on a three month trip around Europe!" he then bent down and kissed a very happy looking Meg.

"Wow, that's great news you guys and actually this couldn't be better timed as I think me and Becky will be quite busy in the next few months…planning our wedding!" Gabriel added sneakily looking around at the rest of the band waiting for it to sink in.

"Dude you're getting married!? " Dean was the first to catch on to what Gabriel had said.

"Yep I asked Becky last night before travelling here and she said yes, well more like she screamed yes and then proceeded to crumble into what resembled an emotionally overloaded four year old…but the answer was yes regardless" Gabriel explained with the widest happiest grin flashing across his face.

Dean ran over and hugged him, followed by hugs and congratulations from all the others.

Sam informed them that he had been offered a modelling project with some big underwear company that would keep him pretty busy for a while, because of the work and because of the ladies! Which everyone cracked up at but congratulated him as well.

Kevin announced that he was going to go back college in Kansas to complete his studies in literature, as it was one of his big passions.

So everyone had a plan and it was the happiest Dean had felt for a long time and for that he would be eternally grateful to Gabriel and the others, especially as it seemed to pull him out of his perpetually depressed mood and spurred him on to actually do something with his time.

So the next day Dean contacted some of the writer contacts that he had made in the past few years and set up some co-writing projects to help pass his time and to keep his mind off a certain someone that despite all the bad times he missed like crazy.

Castiel was due to start his final week in rehab; he was in the process of saying goodbye to Garth and Anna as they were being released today. They had grown so close to each other that it was an absolutely terrifying prospect for Castiel to be without them.

"Castiel, my little rockstar" Garth cried whilst pulling Castiel in for a bone crushing hug "As soon as you get out of here you must come and see us, please say that you will?"

"Just you try and stop me Garth!" Castiel cried back.

"Bet you I could!" Garth said mischievously adding a bit of rehab humour, which they all cracked up at.

"Good luck with your final week Castiel, remember that you can do this, you can do anything if you really try, I will be on the outside waiting to help you and you can help me, together we can be strong!" Anna cried sobbing into Castiel's shoulder before they both gathered up their things and made their way through those opposing grey gates at the end of the pathway.

As he was entering his final week in meant that he was actually allowed regular visitations, rather than only in a group sessions. It was a way to help prepare him for the outside world again, so he had contacted the only person that he thought may actually come.

Balthazar arrived the next day and Castiel led them out to sit in the gardens as it was a relatively warm afternoon.

"Balthy, I don't even know where to begin!" Castiel exclaimed looking down at where he was wringing his hands nervously.

Since the revelations about what he had done to Dean, Castiel had also had other flashbacks regarding his other nearest and dearest that he had been less than human towards. He knew that he had made Balthazars life a living hell, for the last year especially, as he tried to keep Castiel out of trouble and if not out of trouble at least out of the newspapers.

"Cassie, do you know remember what you were like now?" Balthazar questioned seriously, to which Castiel just nodded.

"Ok and are you sorry for what you have done?" He questioned further.

"Balthy I am so so sorry, I can barely even stand to be in my own head because I feel so much remorse for the things that I have done, it is a crushing pressure on my soul" Castiel replied sincerely.

"Well then, as long as you agree to stay off the shit in future and try to clear up some of the messes you made during your rein of destruction, well…..I will forgive you"

Castiel looked up in shock; he opened and closed his mouth a few times, unable to actually formulate words;

'_If Balthazar could actually forgive him, then there was hope! Hope that he may be able to turn his life around'_

"Oh Balthy, thank you so much big bro, you know I love you right! I really am sorry and I will make it up to you. I will try my hardest to turn my life around and make right everything that I have destroyed, I promise"

Balthazar went onto explain about him and Meg going off travelling for a while but he would be on the end of the phone if ever Castiel needed him. Castiel was sad that he wouldn't see his brother for a while when he eventually got out but he had to agree that Meg and Balthazar deserved some time alone together as they had devoted practically every minute of their time to the band for the last five years.

So Castiel attended his group meetings, managed the patients assembled for evening dinner duty, tried his best to help some of the newer patients, especially the young drug addict called Jo. She had a fiery temper and most people stayed out of her way but Castiel kept on trying until he managed to break through her cement shell just a tiny bit and see a hint of the lovely young girl that she was before all the drugs and hard times.

It was after one of Jo's first 'significant other' sessions when she had a small breakthrough that her and Castiel had gotten talking about her past boyfriends. She told him all about her ex that had first gotten here hooked on drugs and how he had ended up Od-ing after finally succumbing to heroin.

"Yeah Lucifer was one crazy son of a bitch, he never did know when to say no and was always going to end up doing something stupid to end his life" she sighed finishing her story.

"I'm sorry but did you say Lucifer? Tall, blond hair, very sure of himself?" Castiel questioned.

"Yeah that sounds like him" Jo chuckled sadly "so you knew him then?"

"Many years ago, he went to my school. He was a bit um….wild even then"

"Yeah wild, that's one way of describing him! Oh well I'd better head to stupid kitchen lunch duty or I'll be put back a week!" Jo said before getting up and running off to the kitchen.

'_Wow! Lucifer dead!…..I suppose that is where I could have been now if it wasn't for Dean. He really did save me and I will do whatever it takes to prove to him that I am sorry for hurting him so much' _

**Authors note: Things are starting to look a bit more positive now. **

**I felt I had to write a little something about Lucifer as his character was pivotal to Dean and Cas being together. I also wanted to show that it is not easy to turn your life around and not every one makes it. **

**My name is SpnUK and I am a review addict! But this is a safe addiction and I encourage you to facilitate it. **


	8. Chapter 8 Shocks and surprises

**Authors note: Thank you, thank you, thank you! You guys kick it in the ass when it comes to reviewing! **

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – its all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke owns it all, boy what I wouldn't give to own even one of them, just for a short while! **

**Chapter 8 – Shocks and surprises **

Castiel was called into Doctor Campbell's office for hopefully one of his last one on one meetings as he would be finding out today if he was being recommended for release in two days time. Castiel was both over the moon but also terrified of the prospect of getting out of there, the rehab centre was like a safe protective bubble to him that would burst leaving him open to the elements as soon as he stepped outside.

"Castiel welcome, please have a seat" Dr Campbell gestured to one of the plush green chairs in front of his huge mahogany desk.

"So how are you feeling today?

"I'm doing good thanks Doc, I'm not saying I'm like 100% cured or anything but I definitely feel more positive about the future than I have done in a long time"

"I would be shocked if you said you did feel 100% cured, it will take a long time to feel even remotely like yourself again. The rehabilitation process is a long and arduous one; the treatment you get in this centre is merely a baby step towards recovery.

That being said, you have shown great promise over the last few weeks and your progress has been astounding. I believe with the right help and support outside you will be just fine"

"Wow thank you Doc, it really means a lot that you have faith in me! Does this mean I am being recommended for release on Saturday then…?"

"Yes Castiel, but I do have conditions to this release. Have you got any family that you can go and stay with when you get out?"

Castiel sighed sadly "Um no…I really don't, there would have been my brother but he is out of the country for a while and I um haven't seen my parents for years and I don't think I can call on anyone else…."

"OK well I have an idea, could you perhaps leave it with me for the morning and I'll let you know if it is agreeable with the other people"

"Um yeah sure Doc" Castiel said wondering who on earth Dr Campbell could be talking about.

Later on that day Dr Campbell came and found Castiel where he was chatting with Ben and Jo in the day room.

"Castiel! Great news, I have arranged a place for you to stay when you are released. I am not going to tell you any more now, apart from that the people are coming to visit you tomorrow to make sure you agree. If it is all OK you will be leaving with them on Saturday morning"

Castiel was very nervous about this, part of him prayed and hoped that it was going to be Dean and Sam, although that also made him very anxious as he had a lot of making up to do there and wasn't sure if he was strong enough to deal with that yet. He also thought that it could perhaps be Balthazar and Meg, but they would have had to return from their trip so that would make Castiel feel very guilty. The only other thought was that it was Gabriel and Becky and he was not sure how he felt about that, him and Gabriel had grown to be very close, almost like brothers but Becky just plain scared the life out of him still.

The next morning Castiel got up and showered, dressed in a clean set of scrubs and a nice fresh dressing gown, he had a feeling it was going to be difficult to adjust to wearing actual clothes again when he was realised tomorrow.

He sat in the day room waiting for his visitors to arrive. Jo and Ben had sensed his nervousness so had left him alone that morning to his own thoughts.

At exactly 11am two familiar figures were shown through the door and pointed in Castiel's direction.

'_Oh I would never have guessed'_ Castiel thought, completely stunned at who it was, but also absolutely elated.

The two people came rushing over to him, Mary was first and she dragged Castiel up into a huge motherly hug crying

"Oh Castiel sweetie, we have been so worried about you!"

Castiel clung to her as if his life depended on it; he had never felt so grateful to two people before in his life.

When Mary reluctantly let him go John stepped forward, Castiel went to shake his hand but John pulled him into a manly bear hug, with back patting and an awkward "Glad you're OK son"

The three of them took a seat by the windows overlooking the Gardens; Castiel was still in shock and didn't really know what to say. He didn't have to worry though as per usual Mary was quite capable of doing the talking.

"Castiel we were so pleased when Dr Campbell said that you were improving, I have been calling him for weekly updates on your condition right from the start. I know that things are not exactly amicable between you and Dean at the moment but we have considered you to be like part of the family for a long time now and have been really concerned about you"

"I honestly don't know what to say apart from that I am so very sorry for the hurt and pain that I have caused you family over the past few years and I am so grateful to you for coming to see me today and for offering me a place to stay?" He finished the sentence with a questioning tone, checking that they still wanted him to come and stay.

"Castiel, we know your parents have never really been there for you and you deserve to have a family no matter what you have done in the past. We know that deep down you are not a bad guy and you just need a bit of encouragement to help you overcome these problems and move on with your life" Mary answered with tears in her eyes, but a positive smile on her face.

John added in a more serious tone; "We are willing to help you out Castiel and give you this chance to start rebuilding your life, but you have to realise that we will only give you the one chance, if you start using again or anything else we will not hesitate to send you back here"

"Of course sir, I promise I will try my hardest not to let you down, I am just so grateful to you for even thinking about me at all, let alone coming to see me and offering me a place to stay whilst I get back on my feet. I have to ask though, does Dean know about this?"

Mary and John looked at each other slightly uncomfortably, before Mary sighed and took Castiel's hand;

"Yes son he does know, but he isn't exactly overjoyed about it, he is worried that you may slip up again and hurt us in some way. Which is why we explained to him that if for any reason something happens we will immediately get you any help that you require, no second chances"

Castiel gulped _'Oh god if Dean didn't want him around his parents perhaps he should try to make other arrangements…'_

"I know what you are thinking Castiel, that you don't want to come to us against Deans wishes, well it is our home and we want to help you so just clear that thought from your mind, besides where else would you go…?" John snapped.

Castiel realised that he really didn't have any other choice, he would go with the Winchesters and he would try his hardest to prove himself to them. He would not mess up, not this time!"

So arrangements were made for the Winchester's to come back at 9am tomorrow morning to collect Castiel, Mary would pop to the shops that afternoon to purchase some clothes for him to travel in, once ready they would make their way together back to the Winchesters modest house in Kansas.

Castiel spent the remainder of the day arranging things like his follow up visits and local NA groups that he would be visiting. His follow up assessment was going to be carried out by Nurse Harvell in two week's time, that alone was enough to make him sure that he was not going to give into any temptations and face the wrath of Ellen Harvell, she still scared the life out of him!

Later that evening he carried out his final dinner duty and helped to train the appointed replacement patient. He then spent some time with Jo and Ben, trying to give them as much help as possible without sounding too preachy.

Castiel had an amazing dream as he was tucked up for his last nights sleep in the lumpy hard facility bed, it was of him and Dean driving along in the Impala together singing along to some classic rock tune, both without a care in the world and obviously very much in love.

Castiel woke up the next morning feeling more determined and positive than ever, he was going to work his hardest to make that dream a reality again.

The Winchesters arrived at 9am sharp and Castiel quickly dressed in the plain Jeans and T-shirt that Mary had chosen for him, he then hugged everyone that had gathered to say their goodbyes. This was it, his chance to start over again and to begin making it up to those that he had hurt the most.

* * *

Dean was sitting in his apartment on the window seat overlooking downtown LA, he was in the process of writing a new song from an idea he had gotten earlier whilst on a walk in the local park. Suddenly his intercom buzzed making him jump; he didn't get many visitors so it was always a shock. He padded barefoot over to the intercom system and said "hello?"

"Dean its Sam, I…can you let me in…I think I have done something very stupid and I need your help!"

Sam sounded very panicked, _'Oh god, what now'_ Dean thought whilst pressing the buzzer to let his brother in.

A couple of minutes later the lift dinged signifying that Sam had arrived, as the doors opened Sam stalked into the room, all 6'8" of him and started pacing up and down in front of Dean, who was just waiting patiently for his brother to explain what was up.

Finally Dean snapped "Sammy dude what the fuck is up with you?"

"Oh god Dean I have been monumentally stupid, I don't even know where to start, could I get a beer or something?"

"Fine but please sit down because your pacing is making me anxious!"

Once Dean had grabbed a couple of cold ones from the fridge he handed one to Sam who had finally thrown himself onto the sofa, so Dean took the chair opposite.

"Right spill Sammy, what have you done?"

"OK, it happened just after I'd finished shooting the first round of adverts for the campaign. I went out to a local bar with some of the crew and the photographer, and who just happens to be serving us that night but Jessica, remember her from back in school?"

"That bitch of a first girlfriend?"

"Yep the very same, anyway we got chatting and she seemed to have really changed for the better, so I stayed and had a few drinks with her and one of the other barmaids after their shift ended. Well one thing let to another and I ended going back to Jessica's apartment with them both and well… you know…we had a three-way, it was pretty full on with like toys and tying up and stuff"

Sam started to remember what had taken place that night.

_**Jessica and Lisa pulled him into the apartment, one hand each. Once they got inside Sam was pushed up against the door by Lisa whilst Jessica disappeared into the bedroom for a minute. Lisa was kissing Sam aggressively, completely claiming his mouth whilst rubbing her hand teasingly up and down the bulge at the front of his Jeans. **_

_**Jessica came back in and announced that the room was ready, so Sam and Lisa followed her in to find that she had lit some candles and laid out various exciting looking toys, like handcuffs, vibrators and masks. **_

"_**Hell yeah! I never knew you had a bit of kink to you girl or I would have done this sooner!" a slightly inebriated Sam had laughed. **_

_**Lisa and Jessica undressed him quickly both appraising his body for a while before pushing him back onto the bed and cuffing his hands together above his head. They had then proceeded to undress each other putting on a real show until all three were completely naked and panting in anticipation. **_

_**The girls had blindfolded Sam and gone to work teasing, biting, sucking, licking and spanking every inch of his body whilst he lay there helpless and almost hurting with desire. **_

_**When Sam couldn't take the teasing pleasure/pain torture any longer he started begging the girls to uncuff him so that he could fuck them, they finally took pity on him and Jessica had undone the cuffs. As soon as he was free Sam had immediately pounced twisting Jessica over and pinning her to the bed, Lisa and Sam proceeded to make sure Jessica was fully aroused before Sam plunged inside thrusting with all his might. **_

_**Him and Jessica had come together both crying out in ecstasy. Sam collapsed on the bed completely shattered but he didn't get to rest for long because Lisa had gotten impatient for her turn and started to try and get him hard again. **_

_**Sam flipped her and spread her legs wide before slipping his tongue in-between the soft damp lips. He flicked over her clit for a while until her breathing started to quicken, then he thrust his tongue deep inside, tongue fucking her with as much enthusiasm that he could muster. By the time Lisa was crying out his name Sam was ready for round two so he slipped on another condom and mounted her without warning. As he was rocking back and forth into Lisa he reached over to Jessica and started to masturbate her whilst she watched. Sam came with a cry and went completely still whilst waiting for the sensations to rush over him, Lisa and Jessica followed shortly after. **_

Sam was snapped out of his daydream by Dean shouting

"Sammy! Sam! Then what happened oh and TMI by the way!"

"Sorry but its important, because well it seems that it had all been pre-planned somehow and Jessica had managed to film the whole thing! I didn't even see a fucking Camera!"

"Oh god Sammy, what does she want?"

"Well that's just it, she doesn't want anything from me, apart from to teach me a lesson or get famous or some shit. The video is being sold to the highest bidder tomorrow and there is not a god damn thing I can do about it….the only reason I know about it is because she contacted my campaign manager today to gloat, he is not exactly best pleased with me right now!"

"Oh shit Sammy! How could you be so stupid? She was a fucking bitch when we were younger, why did you expect that to change or were you just thinking with your downstairs brain on this occasion?"

"I know! believe me I know how stupid I have been, but I cannot undo what I have done now. But there must be something I can do to sort this mess out? Dean any ideas?"

"Not a clue Sam, but I know who specialises in damage limitation, hell she's covered up enough of Cas's fuck ups! I'll call Balthazar and get the contact details for Ruby, the press liaison specialist; she'll know what to do!"

"Oh man Ruby? Do we have to? She scares the shit out of me Dean! All power suits and sarcasm, no one that small should have that much command and presence over a room!"

"Its either that or we just let it go public, running the risk that Mom could see it….?"

"Make the call Dean, make the call!" Sam sighed knowing that he had no choice.

**Authors note: Cas is Free! See how he starts making amends in the next chapter.**

**Will Dean and Sam stop the Sammy-porn being made public with the help of scary corporate Ruby?**

**Please let me know your thoughts/feelings about where this is going, there's still plenty more to come **


	9. Chapter 9 Making amends

**Authors note: Thanks guys, I'm glad you like the little twists and changes in direction. I hope you enjoy where this is going to go next.**

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – its all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural (Except for Dean, Sam and Castiel in my dreams….all together!) **

**Chapter 9 – Making amends **

_Recap: "Make the call Dean, make the call!" Sam sighed knowing that he had no choice. _

Dean had contacted Balthazar straight away; he'd interrupted him as he was wondering around the Louvre in Paris with Meg.

"Deano, how's it going? Is Cassie OK? What's he done now?" Balthazar cried dramatically

Dean actually felt a bit defensive of Castiel for a moment, how could his brother be so quick to assume he'd done something wrong…well he knew exactly how, but he still thought it was a bit unfair.

"Not Cas, Sammy this time! We need the services of the delightful young Ruby STAT!"

"Wow what the hell could your gargantuan brother have done to require that level of press negotiation?"

So Dean went on to explain about Jess and the Video, when he finished he held the phone away as Balthazar cried with laughter.

"Seriously! Oh boy, your Mom is going to kill him! Ha ha ha!"

Balthazar cried still in fits of laughter, but he promised that he'd get Ruby on the case and they should probably expect to hear from her within the hour.

Exactly an hour later Dean's buzzer rang announcing the arrival of Ruby, she had called fifteen minutes ago to state that she was coming over to 'Sort shit out'

When she stomped out of the lift she stalked straight up to Sam and growled "Right you big pretty boy, let's sort your bimbo three-way indiscretion out, shall we!"

She was at least two foot shorter than Sam but at that moment had him cowering up against the wall with his hands defensively in front of him.

Ruby was exactly as the brothers remembered her; small, slim and stunning with glossy dark brown hair pulled back in an severe ponytail, she had wide intelligent and slightly mischievous looking eyes, which were currently looking Sam up and down like a predator eyeing up its pray.

Ruby spent the next hour and half on her mobile and laptop, occasionally barking orders or requests for information from Sam and Dean who were sitting on the sofa together watching with awe as Ruby did her thing.

Finally she said "Right, I have managed to stop the full video being published on the big wide web!"

Sam let out a little sigh of relief at this…

"Hold your celebrations their Sammy boy!" Ruby snapped

"There is still a 20 second snippet that will be published and some very full frontal stills….so I hope you are proud of little Sam because he's about to become very famous!" She added whilst packing up her stuff.

"You are very lucky that I got involved when I did, the whole thing was seconds away from being circulated. Think of this as a best case scenario! So how's about you keep it in your pants for a while big boy….well at least where fame hungry whores are concerned…" Ruby concluded slipping Sam her card and giving him a suggestive wink before stalking back out of the room.

"Phew! crisis averted…well sort of" Dean said after the lift doors had closed.

Sam just stood staring at the business card in his hand, a funny thoughtful expression in his face.

* * *

Whilst the Winchester boys had been sorting out their little problem, Castiel had been trying to get used to his freedom away from the rehab facility.

The journey back to Kansas had been pretty uneventful; Mary had kept up a stream of conversation getting Castiel up to date with all the town gossip.

When they finally arrived back at the Winchesters house Castiel started to feel both nostalgic and nervous. This was not the house that Sam and Dean had grown up in, that had been sold for this higher end version a year after the boys had made it to the big time, but Castiel had still stayed here with Dean and the Winchesters whenever they had a break from touring, recording or for the holidays until Dean and himself had purchased the ranch on the outskirts of town.

So many happy memories, also some very bad ones came flooding back to him. The worst he remembered was the last Thanksgiving that they had all spent here.

_**Castiel had snuck out to town to score as he was having major withdrawals. He had been caught out by the local deputy, who luckily was a fan and let him off with a caution, but had delivered Castiel home to the Winchesters house and explained to them what he had done. **_

_**The thanksgiving dinner that afternoon was spent in angry silence, the wave of hostility and disappointment coming from all the family. **_

_**Later that evening Castiel had slunk guiltily up to join Dean in their designated bedroom only to find the door locked and Dean refusing to answer. Castiel had tried knocking and calling out to Dean until John come upstairs and yelled at him to "go sleep in another room, he obviously doesn't want to see you right now and I really cannot blame him….you need to sort yourself out Castiel or you are going to find more than a bedroom door separating you and Dean!"**_

_**Castiel had spent the remainder of the holidays crying and feeling sorry for himself in one of the other bedrooms until Dean finally came and spoke to him. Castiel had of course promised that he would sort himself out for Dean and that he would never do anything like this again. 'God how often did I break those promises to Dean, I wouldn't blame him if he did shut me out forever!"**_

Mary tapped Castiel on the shoulder snapping him out of his reminiscing, "Come on Son, let's go and get you settled in" She said linking arms with him "I have been over to the ranch and collected some of your things just in case you didn't want to head back there for a while"

"Is Dean staying there?" Castiel asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry Cas he is living in LA for the time being, he is doing some writing though so is keeping himself busy"

Castiel sighed unhappily but let himself be lead into the house by Mary.

"I have put you in one of the other spare rooms, I wasn't sure if you'd want to stay in the one where you and Dean used to sleep…" Mary explained whilst showing Castiel to the room which would be his for the foreseeable future.

"Well I'll just let you get settled in…" She said awkwardly trying to resist the urge to mother Castiel, as he looked so frightened and insecure.

"Thank you so much Mary, you have been so good to me already…I Just don't know how I can ever make it up to you?"

Castiel asked in a small shy voice.

"You can get better son, which is all we ask…that you sort yourself out and get better" She then left him to settle into his new home.

The day after Castiel was realised he had to attend his first NA meeting, it was in a small church hall right in the centre of town that was within walking distance to the Winchesters house.

He was very nervous and had to pretty much talk himself into actually attending _'You need to do this Castiel! You will not get better without help!'_

He took a deep breath and walked through the door, he was surprised to find that there was already about eight people sitting around drinking coffee and chatting.

"Can we help you?" A large friendly looking man with a ridiculous patterned jumper approached him.

"Um…I'm Castiel, I'm new to the group, I called and spoke to a Frank yesterday?"

"Ah yes, that's me! Welcome to your first NA meeting Castiel, you have already made the hardest step by admitting there is a problem, now you can moan and whinge with the rest of us here about how difficult it is to stay off the drugs! Ha ha ha!" Frank replied chuckling at his little joke.

The group meeting started pretty much as Castiel had expected, they had gone around all the people in the circle introducing themselves one by one. Castiel immediately forgot all the names but he was sure he'd get to know them eventually. When Castiel had finally introduced himself one of the younger girls started hyperventilating

"Oh My God it is you, I thought it was! I'd seen in the news that you'd gone into rehab but I didn't ever think you'd be joining our group! This is so awesome!"

"Um thanks…?" Castiel replied, trying to figure out how his drug problems could ever be described as awesome.

"I'm sure you can all understand that I am trying to keep a bit of a low profile at the moment so would prefer if you could keep my whereabouts to yourselves….? If the paps find out where I am they could potentially make things a bit difficult for me" Castiel asked politely but firmly.

Everyone in the group promised, knowing that it could hinder Castiel's progress if he couldn't attend the group meetings that they had all come to rely on.

The group lasted for 2 hours, it mainly consisted of the other members discussing their progresses or difficult moments, and Castiel found that he actually enjoyed the meeting. It was reassuring that other people had the same negative thoughts and feelings that he himself had been having.

The group leader Frank came over to Castiel after the group to see how he'd found it.

"So what did ya think kiddo?"

"It was helpful Frank, thank you" Castiel replied sincerely.

"Good because I expect to see you here every Sunday without fail, if you don't attend I will be tracking you down an dragging you here myself!" He said seriously, the he added in a lighter tone "What are you going to be doing with yourself during the days, working or anything?"

"I um don't have anything planned as of yet…?"

"Well you need to sort something out and fast, a job or a hobby, you have to keep yourself occupied or it will be very easy to slip back into old habits"

"Of course, I'll look into it tomorrow" Castiel replied thinking that he had no idea what to do with his time.

The next morning over Breakfast Castiel was explaining what Frank had said about getting a job or hobby to Mary and John.

"You can come to the garage with me if you like son, there won't be much to do but I can find you some clearing up or something, just until you find something else that you want to do?" John answered helpfully.

"Wow thank you sir that sounds great!" Castiel replied excitedly rushing off to get ready.

Half an hour later John and Castiel arrived at the Garage, Castiel looked over at his old rehearsal/practice space The Shed with mixed feelings.

"It's being used as a storage unit now…it has some of the more unsaveable vehicles in" John said catching Castiel's stare

"The Impala is amongst them, I was hoping Dean would try and fix it up but he couldn't even look at it after….you know….what you did"

"Is it completely unfixable?" Castiel enquired, an idea forming.

"Well it's pretty close but with some major hard graft and knowhow it could be done, I really don't think Dean is going to want to do it though son, I'm sorry"

"What about me? Could I give it a go?" Castiel asked hoping that John would say yes.

"You, but like you said you have no experience or knowledge with cars, let alone classic cars…how could you do it?" John asked shocked.

"Well if you don't mind, I could do it with your help, plus lots and lots of research? I have a pretty logical mind and used to fix computers and things when I was younger, I just seem to be able to know where things should go and how they work….I would really like to do this for Dean, I killed his baby so I'd like to try and put it back together for him?"

"Well when you put it like that, I suppose it could work, it'll be tough going though Castiel and plenty messy!"

"That's no problem I need to keep myself busy to…you know take my mind off of things, this will be perfect and hopefully it will show Dean that I am trying to make amends….Um, do you think we could keep this from Dean for the time being, I'm not sure if he'll be 100% on board with the Idea and I wouldn't want him to find out before I've made any progress?"

"No problem, let's go take a look shall we, see where to start!"

That night over dinner Castiel and John explained to Mary about their project, she was over the moon and thought it was a wonderful idea.

Mary then went on to tell John about the phone call she'd had for Sam earlier and about the trouble he'd gotten himself into.

"So we'd better not buy a paper, go on the internet or watch the news for a while unless we want to see pictures of our stupid irresponsible son in various incriminating positions!" She ended obviously absolutely furious with Sam.

John just rolled his eyes and sighed, sounding like a father who had already put up with far too much from his boys.

"Have you heard from Dean recently Mary…." Castiel tried to ask casually

Mary's mood melted at that and she replied "I spoke to him earlier as well sweetie, he is busy working on some writing projects and will be in LA for at least another month, but both him and Sammy should be coming home for thanksgiving in just over a month's time, they confirmed it today!" She said overjoyed at the prospect of having her family home.

"Will that give us enough time to fix the Impala?" Castiel asked John excitedly.

"It all depends on how hard you are planning on working, if you put in the effort and hours then you may just get there" John answered seriously.

"Right then, thank you for the lovely dinner Mary, Is it OK if I go to my room to start researching how to fix classic cars?" Castiel asked eager to get started on his new project.

**Authors note: So what do you guys think so far, can you tell where I'm going with this yet?**

**There is another Dean/Castiel reunion in the next chapter, do you think it will be a happy one?**


	10. Chapter 10 Thanks Giving

**Authors note: Hi Guys, thanks again for all your support so far, you have made the fact that this fic is taking over my life much more bearable! **

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – it's all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. ANSWER**

**Disclaimer: I own this story but not the characters, maybe one day I'll own my own characters *wishful thinking***

**Chapter 10 – Thanks Giving **

It was two weeks after he had been released and Castiel was absolutely shattered. He had been working pretty much non stop on fixing up the Impala, him and John would spend hours smoothing out dents, rubbing the ruined paintwork down and tinkering under the hood. Castiel felt guilty keeping John away from his work in the garage and said as much whilst they were washing up one day, to which John replied.

"Castiel, this is what I love to do, besides the Garage pretty much runs itself, I have decent staff working in there and I don't really have to work all that much thanks to Sam and Dean buying us the new house. Besides I like the reasons why you are doing this and I am happy to help you try to make amends"

The next day Castiel was due to have Ellen Harvell, the nurse from the rehab centre come and visit him, so he would have to give the garage a miss for a while.

She arrived at exactly 10am as stated and Castiel ran to greet her at the door.

"Welcome Nurse Harvell, please come in" He said politely giving her a nervous smile.

"Castiel please don't be so formal, call me Ellen. You are going to be seeing me regularly for the next year so we should just cut the formality crap" Ellen replied wondering into the house and looking around.

"Well, how are you doing then" She eyed him suspiciously.

"I'm doing great! I have been keeping really busy so I do not have to focus on the withdrawals too much. I am attending weekly NA meetings in town and I have two very supportive people looking after me" Castiel replied trying to sound as positive as possible so she wouldn't think he needed to return to rehab for any reason.

"Hmm, what have you been keeping busy doing then? Working? Singing?" She said whist wondering around the lounge looking at all the family pictures.

"Well I am restoring a classic car actually, it…um it belonged to Dean and I ruined it so I am trying to fix it. It's going really well, we have all the body work smoothed out and have been working on restoring the engine. The mechanics of cars is actually fascinating and I have learnt so much in the last two weeks and John has….."

"Castiel!" Ellen stopped him mid-flow, "Breath, I get that you are nervous but I am not here to sign you up for another 6 weeks in PJ's, I am here to check that you are heading in the right direction" she smiled up at him "It looks like you are doing just fine so far, I would like to go take a look at this car you are working on though, is it close by?"

Castiel nodded excitedly and led Ellen back out the house to her car, she then drove them both over to The Shed.

John was standing talking to his brother Bobby when they arrived; he seemed a bit surprised to see Castiel.

"Hey son, didn't think you were coming in today?" He questioned as they approached him.

"Yeah Nurse Harvell, I mean Ellen, wanted to see what I have been working on. John, Bobby this is Ellen" Castiel carried out the required introductions.

John shook Ellen's hand "It's a pleasure to meet you, I hear you kept our Cas here in his place when he was in rehab"

Bobby also shook Ellen's hand but just grumbled some sort of hello before letting go and turning away.

Ellen smiled at that and then said to Castiel, "Come on then let's go see this car!"

They spent half an hour looking over the car, with John and Castiel explaining all the work they had done and had left to do.

Then Ellen announced that she would like some time alone with both John and Bobby to get their opinions on Castiel's progress.

John went first; he took Ellen into the little garage office whilst Bobby and Castiel discussed what was the best part of the car to start on next.

Once John had finished he came over and informed Bobby that it was his turn. Bobby sighed and loped off to the office.

He came out 20 minutes later bright red and looking massively embarrassed. Ellen followed looking pretty pleased with herself.

"Right Castiel I think I have seen enough here, perhaps we could go and talk to Mary at the Café and grab ourselves some lunch whilst we are there" She said happily

"John / Bobby it was a pleasure to meet you, I'll be seeing you both again very soon!" This was said more to Bobby than John causing Bobby to blush even harder.

That evening Castiel felt a great sense of relief, he hadn't realised how nervous he'd been about the visit until now and was very proud of himself that it's had apparently gone very well. Ellen would be back in a month's time to check up on him again, he just hoped he could continue to progress in that time.

A week later and Dean was revelling in his new writing projects, he loved that he could really test his creativity to its limits and be paid for it! It also meant that he could pretty much keep his mind off of the more personal aspects of his life.

He knew that Castiel was living with his parents and he was getting weekly updates from his parents on how he was doing. His mom had said that he was working on a project at the moment that was taking up all of his time and keeping him out of trouble.

Dean didn't know how to feel about this. _'If I start to believe that he has actually sorted himself out, If I dare to hope that he is really trying to make amends then it will hurt so much more when it all comes crashing apart. He hurt me so bad and destroyed any snippet of trust that I had left for him, I just don't know if I can ever forgive him…?'_

Dean was snapped out of his thoughts by the buzzer going, he went to answer it swearing that if it was more Paps trying to get a comment from Sammy he would kill them!

"Hello!" he growled into the receiver

"Deano! You little ray of Sunshine, fancy letting us in?" Gabe sang back at him

Dean chuckled and pressed the entrance buzzer.

A couple of minutes later Gabriel was sitting on the sofa in Dean's apartment with Becky on his lap, Dean thought it was cute that they liked to be close but this PDA was a little bit uncomfortable for him.

"So Dean, me and my little choco-lovin angel here have been discussing certain parts of our wedding that we would love you to be a part of, Gabey-baby why don't you ask him…." Becky said whilst running her hands through Gabriel's hair and kissing his forehead.

"Yeah Deano, I would love it if you would consider being my Best man?" Gabriel asked hopefully

Dean spat out his mouthful of beer that he had just swigged, causing it to dribble done the front of his t-shirt.

"Seriously, dude that is awesome and it would be an absolute honour!" He cried jumping up out of his seat in excitement.

Gabriel shoved Becky off his lap bit to roughly causing her to land sideways on the sofa and ran over to Dean to have the obligatory manly hug moment.

Becky righted herself and jumped up to join in with the hug, crying with joy from the moment. When they finally parted they all took their seats again, Becky sitting on the sofa but with her legs across Gabriel's this time.

"There was one other thing we hoped you would be a part of, if you have time and don't mind that is…." Becky added staring into Gabriel's eyes.

"OK?" Dean said suspiciously

"Do you think you write a song for our first dance? A song for Castiel to sing if he's willing?" Seeing Dean's face drop Gabriel explained further; "It's just that you both mean a great deal to us and we really want you both to be a part of the day in some way? If it is too much for you, we do completely understand" He concluded, Becky looked like she wouldn't understand at all though.

'_Can I do this?'_ Dean thought, _'Can I write another song for Castiel to sing? Can I think about Castiel's voice singing the words I am writing…?'_ He looked over at Gabriel and Becky again, Gabriel was looking a bit worried and Becky had tears forming in her eyes _'Could I subject Gabriel to the inevitable Becky fit if I don't agree to do this?' _Even he wasn't that cruel.

"Sure, of course I'll do it for you guys; again it would be an honour!" He finally stated causing whoops of joy from both Gabriel and Becky, then another mass hugging session.

Gabriel and Becky spent that evening with him and Sam, when Sam eventually arrived home from another one of his mysterious outings. They asked Sam if he would be an usher, which he happily accepted, then they discussed all the plans for the wedding and laughed at Gabriel's many descriptions of where and how he'd had to rein Becky in so that the wedding didn't start rivalling a royal wedding. Gabriel and Becky left at about midnight, saying that they had to get up early to travel back to Kansas to see Castiel.

After they had gone Dean looked over at Sam, who was looking pretty pre-occupied.

"Hey Sammy, you gonna tell me what you've been up to today?" Dean asked

Sam looked up guiltily and replied "Nothing Dean, just been out for a walk…."

"For four hours Sammy? Look I know you are a grown up, but you are living with me at the moment and I do worry about you especially after your recent mishap and you know…after Cas being so secretive…it just worries me…" he stated honestly.

"Oh god, Dean I didn't think of that, I am so sorry! You don't have to worry though; it's nothing bad, quite the opposite in fact!" Sam grinned like a schoolgirl with a crush "I've met someone and I really like her but we kinda want to keep it quiet for a while, so can you just be happy for me but not ask me any more questions?"

"Alright Sammy, as long as you are not doing anything stupid. You don't want to give Mom even more excuse to kick your ass when we go to visit next week!"

The next day Becky and Gabriel arrived at the Winchesters house to visit with Castiel. It started out a bit awkwardly as they had not seen him for about two months, so Castiel had to start off with an apology and a promise to make amends.

"Guy's I am so so sorry for all that I put you through, Gabe I'm sorry that I messed up what we had with the band and for steeling from you, Becky I am so sorry that I called you a psycho and pushed you out of the way when you caught me steeling from Gabe. I am doing a lot better now, not 100% but I know that I will try my hardest to never do drugs again"

"Oh Castiel!" Becky cried leaping on him and squeezing him in a surprisingly strong hug "We forgive you! How could we stay mad at you?"

Gabriel pealed Becky away from Castiel so that he could hug him as well saying "No problemo dude, water under bridge!"

Gabriel realised Castiel and they all went to sit in the kitchen.

"Actually to show how much we forgive you, we would like to ask you something…." Gabriel said when Castiel handed him a cup of tea.

"OK, ask away…" Castiel replied looking from one to the other.

"Sing for me!" Becky cried, then added a bit sheepishly "I mean sing for us at our wedding? You have the most amazing voice and we would love it if you could sing our first dance song for us?"

"Wow guys that would be an honour, I mean I haven't sung for months but if you let me know what song you want I could put in the practice time and be ready for the wedding early next year."

Becky and Gabriel looked a bit nervous at this statement, Gabriel explained why; "Um we are having a song written at the moment….by Dean. He did say he should have it finished by the time he comes for thanksgiving so he can give you the details then…?"

"Oh…" Castiel replied, "Does Dean know I'm going to be singing it?"

"Yes and yet he still said he would do it, so you can't have pissed him off that much…Yey!" Becky said excitedly with zero tact.

They left a while after that, happy that Castiel was doing better and that he was going to sing for them. Castiel was left alone in the kitchen with his thoughts;

'_Wow, Dean is writing a song for me to sing for our friends…this is a lot to take in! I never thought that I would be singing the beautiful words that Dean writes ever again. Perhaps, maybe there is a chance that me and him could make amends, maybe even more…?' _He shook himself out of this thought, not wanting to get his hopes up too much in case it was all just a dream, besides he couldn't just sit there, he had a car to fix!

A week later Dean and Sam were making their way home for thanksgiving. Dean was obviously very nervous about the visit because he was snapping at Sam and scowling as he drove along.

"Dean just chill out will you!" Sam finally snapped after Dean's driving even got a bit too aggressive. "Its Cas dude! The guy you were with for five years! I know things weren't exactly brilliant for you for the last couple but its still Cas. You don't have to make any decisions about the future or anything just because you are seeing him this weekend, just be civil for the sake of the family and go from their!"

"Fine!" Was all that Sam got in reply, but Dean did stop scowling and driving so aggressively.

Just after midday they pulled into their parent's driveway, they had decided to stay here as Dean didn't fancy going back to his and Cas's place just yet so they grabbed their belongings from the trunk and made their way inside.

"Dean! oh honey I'm so pleased to see you" his Mom cried rushing over to pull him into a hug and kiss his cheek. "How's LA Life? How's the writing going?" She asked.

"Its all good Mom, but its great to be back here too" Dean replied.

Mary looked over at Sam and tutted "Samuel, I have seen way too much of you recently boy!"

"Oh Mom, I truly am sorry, I will never do anything that stupid ever again I promise…" Sam said giving his Mom full on puppy dog eyes.

"Just make sure you keep it in your pants in future" Mary laughed pulling Sam down for a hug as well.

"Where's Dad?...and Cas?" Dean asked nervously.

"Your father and Castiel are at the garage, I think we should all go and catch up with them there" Mary replied dragging her boys back out of the door.

"What…? Mom why do we need to go to the garage, can't we relax for like five minutes…?" Dean whinged.

"No! there is something there that you need to see, the sooner the better!" Mary said in a no-nonsense, don't mess with me voice so Sam and Dean jumped in the car with her and headed off to their Dads garage.

When they arrive the place looked deserted, everyone having left for the holidays already.

"Over their, Dean you go first" Mary pointed to The Shed.

Dean was getting really nervous now _'what the hell is this all about?' _he thought

He heard his Dad, uncle Bobby and Castiel all talking in The Shed so pulled open the door without announcing his arrival.

He just stopped in the doorway, mouth open in a state of shock because in the centre of The Shed was his baby. His baby that a few months ago had been completed ruined was now completely fixed, polished and shining like new.

Sam and Mary pushed him into the warehouse a bit further so that they could see what he was looking at and his reaction.

Dean finally got his voice back, he closed his eyes, shook his head and said "I don't understand?...How?...Who?"

It was Castiel that answered after being prompted by John.

"Dean, I…um, well I killed your baby so with the help of your dad and Bobby I have fixed her….for you"

Every one was silent, all eyes on Dean waiting for his reaction. What they didn't expect was for him to storm over to Castiel and shove him hard up against the wall.

Deans eyes were black with either anger or lust, Castiel didn't know if he was about to get punched or kissed. It was about 15 seconds before he found out…

**Authors note: Oh yes I am evil! **

**Reviews make me write faster….so you know what you have to do if you want to find out what happens next. **

**Lust or Anger? **


	11. Chapter 11 happy holidays

**Authors note: Whaa haa haa! I am so evil, leaving you all with a major cliff-hanger in the last chapter. **

**I really hope you like the way I decided to go. Thanks again for all the reviews. **

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – it's all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: I own this story but not the characters, maybe one day I'll own my own characters *wishful thinking***

**Chapter 11 – Happy holidays **

Recap: _Deans eyes were black with either anger or lust, Castiel didn't know if he was about to get punched or kissed. It was about 15 seconds before he found out…_

Neither…

Dean groaned loudly and shut his eyes before leaning in and resting his forehead on Castiel's, he put his hands on the wall on either side of Castiel's head and opened his eyes.

They stood gazing at each other, Dean trying to reacquaint himself with the deep blue pools before him and Castiel trying desperately to read Dean's mind through the emerald green eyes, just to get a hint of what he was thinking.

Behind them Sam cleared his throat; everyone was getting a bit uncomfortable with the intense staring contest going on in front of them. It couldn't have been a more personal and private moment that they were all witnessing, unless Dean had pushed Castiel to the floor and started having his way with him.

"Um I think we should…" Sam said gesturing to the door.

"Yes" Said John and Bobby at the same time before all but running out of the warehouse followed by Sam and Mary, Sam took one last look at his brother, he could tell that he had calmed down slightly so would hopefully not do anything stupid, he'd been worried there for a minute though.

Dean and Castiel were alone for the first time in over two months and Dean was trying desperately to get a grip _'He did this for me, he fixed my car…he fixed my fucking car! God he smells so good, I have missed his scent so much. He fixed my car! But then he did kill my car so he should fix it! He must have worked so hard to get it finished, I can't believe he managed it!' _Dean closed his eyes again, effectively breaking the trance that they were both in.

"Cas" he breathed before opening his eyes again, he had a hint of laughter in them now;

"You fixed my baby?! You did this….for me?" still not able to actually believe it.

"Yes Dean" Castiel said gulping, still unsure what Dean was thinking "…..for you, to try and start making amends for…well for everything"

Dean suddenly moved his head, his lips ghosted over Castiel's cheek in a feather light kiss "Thank you" He whispered before pulling away and turning back to the car.

Dean walked up to the Impala leaving Castiel in a state of complete and utter shock against the wall, he lifted his hand up and touched it softly to his cheek where Dean's kiss had burned into his skin.

Dean was walking around his pride and joy inspecting every inch of her; "So does she run Cas? Have you taken her out yet?"

Castiel was still stood against the wall with his mouth open rubbing his cheek, he managed to snap himself out of it and wondered over to Dean;

"She does run, your dad has test driven her round the yard but that is it, not on a real ride out yet. We were waiting for you to do that Dean"

"Well what are we waiting for?" Dean cried running to open the roller shutter, he then jumped in the driver seat and stroked over the fully restored dash. After a few moments fondling his car he opened the window and poked his head out to look at Castiel;

"You coming Cas?"

Castiel didn't need asking twice, he ran round to the passenger's side and jumped in.

"Let's go Dean!" he cried excitedly

Dean started the Impala, sighing at the noise of her engine purring then grinned over at Castiel before gently easing the Impala out of The Shed and through the yard, they drove past where Mary had parked seeing Mary, John, Bobby and Sam all standing there having a serious discussion.

"Ever get the feeling you're being talked about Cas? Dean asked gesturing towards the little group that were now all openly gawping at them. Dean just smirked and waved at them before roaring out of the yard onto the main road.

They drove around in silence for a while, both just enjoying the feeling of being close again. Dean eventually broke the silence;

"So how are you doing Cas? I'm mean really doing?"

"I'm actually doing OK, working on the Impala has helped to take my mind off of the withdrawals and I've been going to weekly NA meetings which are extremely helpful, just knowing that other people are going through similar thought processes as me, it helps"

"That's good Cas, so…..um you haven't…you know….lapsed or anything since you have been out?"

Castiel sighed, he expected this question from people but that didn't mean that it didn't sting a bit.

"I have not even had a beer, let alone any kind of narcotics. Don't get me wrong it hasn't been easy, not by a long shot! I mean some times the cravings and the need for something is so strong that it actually hurts deep inside, but then I think about….certain things and it helps me to focus on not giving in"

"What things do you think of?" Dean asked in a quiet voice, not entirely sure he wanted the answer

"You Dean, I think of how much I hurt you, I especially think of your face back on the roof the night. I see the pain in your eyes and it makes me feel physically sick that I caused that look. That I made you feel like that almost kills me…..Dean I am so so sorry and I know that I may not ever be able to make it up to you, but I'd at least like to try. I don't expect anything in return, I know you may never be able to forgive me" Castiel sobbed, crying now because of the hurt he had caused Dean.

Dean stayed silent for a while as he drove the Impala down the secluded little lane that led up to their hill. Once up the top he stopped the engine and got out the car so that he could wonder over to the edge.

Castiel sat in the passenger seat trying to compose himself _'Oh god he didn't say anything after I apologised, perhaps I really have lost him forever! But then why did he invite me for a drive? Why did he ask me how I'm doing?'_

He sat watching Dean's back for a while until he realised that Dean's shoulders were shaking signifying that he must be crying.

Castiel got out of the car and tentatively made his way over to Dean, when he reached him he placed a hand on his shoulder in an offer of support, not knowing if it would really be welcome.

Dean shocked him by spinning round and pulling Castiel in for a very tight hug, squeezing him as if his life depended on it.

"Shit Cas!" Dean sobbed into his shoulder "I just….I never let myself really believe that you may actually recover, if I had believed that it would have just killed me if you'd come straight out and started using again. That would have been it for us, I never would have been able to see you again and that thought alone just about finished me off!"

"Dean…." Castiel started but was cut off when Dean looked up into his eyes and placed one small soft kiss onto his lips.

"I am so proud of what you have achieved so far Cas"

"I could never have done it if you hadn't had the courage to get me the treatment I so desperately needed, so for that I will be eternally grateful. I didn't understand how you could do it to me in the beginning, but I completely understand now and….Thank you Dean, you saved my life!"

Castiel went to kiss Dean but he held him away just looking into his eyes.

"We can't just go back to being together Cas, I know I kissed you a minute ago but we have to take it slow, get to know each other again….I have to learn to trust you again"

"Oh god Dean I completely understand, don't get me wrong if you were up for it I would so totally jump your bones right here and now but I know it will take time for you to feel that way again, if ever. I am just grateful that you even agreed to see me, let alone have this discussion with me"

They hugged again, just needing to feel the closeness for a while, and then they made their way back over to the Impala.

"So Cas, I gotta ask…..how the hell did you manage to fix my baby? You have been out for what like a month? You must have been working on her round the clock!"

"Dean as much as I would love to take all the credit for this, your Dad and Bobby have been amazing, there is absolutely no way could have done it without them"

"Well thanks, I never realised how much I'd missed her, but after what happened I just…well I couldn't look at her it was too much"

They were sitting back in the front of the Car now, Castiel reached over and grabbed Dean arm getting his attention.

"Dean I am so sorry for doing that, I just I have no idea what possessed me to do that, it was like I had no control over myself"

"You didn't have control; you barely ever had control for the last year, Jesus Cas how did it get so bad? I just don't understand how you let yourself get like that?"

"I don't either Dean, but I promise you I will try with every ounce of strength I have left to never ever get like that again, if I do you have my full permission now to just put me way for good"

"Hmmmm" Was all Dean said then he turned on the radio signifying that this conversation was done for now and drove them back to his folks place.

The Winchesters and Castiel spent the evening together catching up as a family, Mary and Dean spent most of the time taking the piss out of Sam and his little indiscretion, until Sam eventually had enough and announced that he was going out for a while before storming out of the house.

Castiel went up to his room to read after that so Dean spent time chatting to his mom and dad before realising how tired he was after travelling and making his way to bed.

As Dean walked past Castiel's door he heard him singing along softly to a song on the Radio and stood outside to listen for a while. Dean had really missed hearing Castiel's beautiful voice and it gave him a warm feeling inside to hear it again. It also reminded him that he had to give Castiel details of the song that he had written for Gabriel and Becky's wedding, he'd do it tomorrow after thanksgiving dinner if they had time.

The next day was thanksgiving so Mary was rushing about giving everyone orders, she really did make a big deal out of the holidays even though it was just going to be her and John, Bobby, Sam, Dean and Castiel.

John and Sam were setting the table, Castiel was washing the 'good' plates and Dean was helping his mom with the cooking.

"So did you enjoy going out in the Impala yesterday Dean? Didn't Castiel do an amazing job?" Mary asked

"Yeah mom, I am very pleased with how Cas has done" Dean replied smiling over his shoulder at Castiel at the sink who gave him a shy smile back.

Dinner was amazing and a very happy affair for most, the complete opposite to the last one that had been held in this house. Castiel couldn't help but feel incredibly guilty throughout the whole meal after thinking back to that day and stayed very quiet.

After dinner Dean brought out the apple pie that he had slaved over all morning, his mom sliced it up and passed it out.

Dean had been casting worried glances at Castiel throughout the meal as he was so quiet but as he looked up at him after the pie was dished up, he just sat there open mouthed gawping at him. The sight of Castiel spooning the soft juicy apple and rich dripping cream into his mouth did all sorts of things to Dean that should not happen to anyone in the middle of a family meal.

Dean was almost hyperventilating _'It's just because it's been a while Winchester! Pull yourself together! Oh god he's going in for another bite, oh man a little bit of apple has just dribbled down his chin, what I wouldn't give to lick that off, oh man that reminds me of that night that I covered him in pie and sucked it off….oh shit now I'm fully hard! Oh crap he's caught me staring…" _With that Dean jumped up, his chair falling backwards and ran up the stairs.

Castiel who had been about to ask Dean why he was watching him like that, knew that he had something to do with Dean's sudden dramatic exit so he said;

"Um excuse me please…" Before following Dean upstairs.

"Dean? Are you OK…" He knocked once on Dean's door before the door was swung open and he was forcefully dragged inside.

Dean slammed Castiel into the wall and this time he wasted no time with the staring, he moaned out Castiel's name before smashing their mouths together.

Castiel was in shock but was not going to question it especially when Dean forced his tongue into Castiel's mouth and moaned again at the taste of pie and cream. Castiel didn't think his mouth had ever been so thoroughly explored and ravished before and he had no idea what had gotten into Dean. What he did know though was that Dean was rock solid and was rubbing up against his hip trying to gain friction.

Castiel thought '_Well he obviously need some kind of relief, perhaps he'll let me help him with that'_ So he sank to his knees and popped the buttons on Dean's pants.

"Fuck Cas, oh please yes!" Dean cried out feeling himself almost losing control already and he hadn't even been touched yet.

Castiel gently removed Deans throbbing and leaking cock palming it in his hands a couple of times before licking into the little slit at the end to taste the pre-come that was gathering there. He then ran his tongue around the head before taking just the tip into his lips and massaging it between them. Without warning he plunged his mouth down the full length of Dean, relaxing the muscles in his throat so that he could take him fully down

"Ahhhh Cas, fuck, oh god so gooooood!" Dean cried

Castiel only managed a few bob's using his tongue to massage the underside of Dean's hot pulsating shaft before Dean cried out again and started spilling his seed down Castiel's throat, his cock pulsing stream after stream in until Dean nearly collapsed from the release.

Castiel licked Dean clean and tucked his now flaccid penis back into his pants. He then pulled Dean down onto the floor next to him and claimed his mouth. They just sat their kissing each other for what seamed like eternity, getting to know each others mouths again.

Downstairs the dinner table was completely silent and awkward, them all having just overheard every groan and cry from upstairs. John and Bobby were sitting there looking very uncomfortable, Sam looked shocked and Mary looked shocked but a little pleased as well. Mary was the first to break the silence.

"Well at least their getting along….."

**Authors note: Pie porn anyone – it had to be, it's what got them together in the first place! **

**What did you guys think of their little reunion, how will their relationship progress from here?**


	12. Chapter 12 Confessions

**Authors note: Pie porn – it's a thing!**

**Little bit of a surprise coming up in this chapter, I hope y'all like it. **

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – it's all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke is a lucky mofo, he owns it all folks – I just own this little tale. **

**Chapter 12 – Confessions **

_Recap: "Well at least they're getting along….."_

Castiel was the first to break from their kiss; he just had to know what brought on this sudden but very welcome need from Dean;

"Dean? Not that I'm complaining but I thought we were going to taking things slow, what happen…?"

"Pie Cas! You eating fucking pie again….It just has this affect on me you sexy fucking pie eater you!" Dean said mock punching Cas is the arm.

Castiel burst out laughing "Dean you are a perve, worse that than you are a pie perve!"

"Ha ha I know it's an addiction, I need help…."Dean said before he could stop himself

"Shit Cas…I didn't mean….I wasn't trying to….shit sorry!"

Castiel sighed and stared at the floor for a moment before looking back up at Dean and saying;

"Dean its ok, I have an addiction and we cannot hide that fact or pretend it isn't their, I am going to be living with this addiction for the rest of my life, but at least I know it now….thanks to you" He leaned in and captured Deans lips again.

Their kissing was just starting to get heated again when there was a tentative knock on the door.

"Um we are all going out for a walk and….did you want to come….oh I mean go with us…on the walk that is….or you know, you could stay here and have the house to yourselves…?" Mary said awkwardly and embarrassed outside the door.

Dean cringed at that only now realising that they had probably heard everything that had happened a short while ago, blushing furiously he replied;

"Thanks Mom, I think we'll stay here…um thanks…sorry"

"OK bye" She called running back down the stairs to join the others.

Dean buried his head into Castiel's chest and cried "Oh great my family just had the full surround sound version of us getting reacquainted!"

He then started chuckling "hee hee hee, I can just imagine uncle Bobby's horrified expression!"

"Dean it's not funny" Castiel scolded but started chuckling himself. Soon they were both rolling around on the floor in fits of laughter; Dean actually had tears streaming down his face.

Castiel calmed down first and rolled over onto Dean so that he was straddling him he started licking and sucking around Deans neck whilst letting his hands run up the front of Deans top lightly scratching at his toned chest and stomach.

Dean stopped froze and grabbed Castiel's head, pulling him up so they were eye to eye again,

"Cas, I know now that we are not going to be able to take things slow, I was stupid to think that in the first place. However there is a discussion that we have to have before we take things any further"

Castiel nodded before moving himself off of Dean and sitting with his back against the wardrobe door. Dean sat up too and shifted over so that he was sitting with his back against the other door, side by side with shoulders touching.

"Go ahead Dean…whatever you need to say please just say it"

"Cas, I need to know…you know that last night I caught you with those two guys in that seedy bedsit, just how far would things have gone if I hadn't of arrived when I did and was that the only time anything like that happened?" Dean asked looking down at his hands which he was wringing nervously.

Castiel took a deep breath and started to talk "Dean I…."

He then stopped and took another shaky breath

"To the first part, I honestly don't know the answer to that…I would like to think that I would have stopped before it went too far but I was so fucked up that god knows what I would have done. As for the second part of you're question….oh god Dean you are going to hate me!" Castiel cried and started sobbing uncontrollably. "I am so so sorry I wasn't myself and I just needed the drugs so bad and you had stopped my cards again so I couldn't get any cash and you'd all started hiding anything of worth so I couldn't even trade….." His sobbing making him almost incoherent now.

"Cas what did you do?" Dean cried absolutely horrified, he'd hoped against hope that the time he'd caught Castiel was the only time anything like that had happened, now all sorts of horrifying and graphic thoughts were going through his head.

"He never touched me!" Castiel said finally calming down enough to continue. "I didn't let him touch me…he just forced me to touch myself whilst he took pictures…"

"Who Cas? Who did?" Dean whispered.

"Alistair, our old sound technician and my drug dealer at that time, the one that got me really hooked, he always had a thing for me and would constantly try to get me to do things for the drugs that he seemed to have in abundance. I swore I would never sink that low, but I was in a really bad way, I hadn't been able to get anything for days and he wouldn't give me any on tick. Still I refused to do anything with him but then he came up with the suggestion of letting him take some pictures. It didn't sound so bad at the time, but then when we got in the room he'd hired out he refused to give me the drugs unless I touched myself for him….the drugs were right there Dean I needed them so bad…so I did it….god I'm so sorry"

Dean did not know what to say, he was relieved that Castiel had not actually let anyone else touch him or touched anyone else, but this little confession was still very hard to digest, then a thought crossed his mind;

"What happened to the pictures Cas?"

"I went back when I had money again and paid him off, he didn't want to give them up but I gave him an offer he couldn't refuse. I just have to hope he didn't make copies or anything…I was so stupid, I don't even know how I sunk that low and how I could have done anything like that, I understand if you don't want me now Dean"

"Castiel, I know how fucked up you were, I was there living it with you remember….besides it sounds like Alistair did a pretty good job of manipulating you to get what he wanted. I know that the non-drugged up Castiel, the Cas that I fell in love with would never ever do anything like that. If you can continue being my Cas then I will continue to want you, Deal?"

"Deal!" Castiel smiled up at Dean through the tears.

They spent the next hour lounging around kissing and stoking each other, just enjoying the closeness again. Neither of them felt the need to rush into anything else right then.

When they heard the family returning from their walk they wondered downstairs sheepishly;

"Um hi, nice walk?" Dean asked his mom and dad when he got to the bottom of the stairs.

John just blushed and glared at them before stomping out of the room.

Mary rolled her eyes at her husbands retreating back, and then smiled over at Dean and Castiel who were holding hands at the foot of the stairs still.

"Ignore him, he's just a bit upset that in the course of a couple of weeks he has accidently seen footage of one son having sex, then he has to hear the other going for it during thanksgiving dinner…." Mary explained.

"We weren't having….um never mind" Dean blushed

"I am really sorry about that, it was my fault Mary, apparently I a just too irresistible to your son when I eat pie…" Castiel explained laughing at Dean's horrified face, but knowing that Mary would find it funny.

"Castiel, my Mom does not need to know that!" Dean shouted glaring at him.

Mary burst out laughing; "Oh my boys, what am I going to do with you all!"

Dean and Castiel spent the rest of the afternoon helping Mary wash and tidy up, to try and make amends for ruining thanksgiving dinner. Dean suddenly realised that Sam hadn't returned from the walk.

"Hey Mom where'd gigantor go?" He asked whilst flicking soap suds as Castiel playfully.

"If you are referring to your brother, he said he had to go and meet someone" Mary replied looking suspicious.

"Oh" Dean replied realising that it was probably this mystery women, he couldn't understand why Sammy was keeping it such a secret.

Dean and Castiel never did get round to discussing the wedding song, they spent the rest of the evening sitting chatting to Mary and John, whom had eventually decided that he could be in the same room as his son again.

That night when they went up to bed Dean pulled Castiel back by his collar when he went to walk past Dean's room;

"Where do you think you're going buddy!" Dean asked pulling Castiel in for a kiss.

"Um bed Dean…?" Castiel replied confused.

"So why are you going to that room…?" Dean said grinning before tugging Castiel into his room and slamming the door shut behind them.

"I have a little favour to return and I can't do it if you're in a separate room now can I?" Dean whispered seductively.

Castiel suddenly realised what Dean was talking about.

"Dean you do not have to do anything, I know it was a bit 'heat of the moment' earlier and I wanted to help you out, I expect nothing in return"

"Castiel, will you please shut the fuck up and fuck my mouth…" Dean growled into his ear making Castiel instantly very very hard.

"Huh, um OK then" was all Castiel could say before his mouth was aggressively violated by Dean's tongue. Dean stroked across the roof of Castiel's mouth like he knew he loved causing Castiel to groan out in bliss.

"Cas you have to be quiet, as much as I love to hear that dirty little mouth of yours I don't think my folks will want a repeat performance of earlier" Dean whispered as he started attacking Castiel's neck.

Dean pushed Castiel up against the wall before dropping to his knees in front of him, he sat for a while just looking up into the those big blue eyes that were staring back full of love and astonishment

'_I am literally the luckiest man alive!' _Castiel thought '_god he looks so fucking beautiful on his knees in front of me, I do not deserve him at all'_ All thoughts soon left his head as Dean opened and yanked down Castiel's pants, leaving him in just his t-shirt.

He then stated to lick and suck around the head before taking Castiel straight down his throat. When he started to pick up a rhythm he grabbed Castiel's ass and encouraged him to move as well. Understanding what Dean wanted Castiel gripped the back of his head with one hand before he started thrusting into his mouth.

Castiel knew that there was no way he was going to be able to keep quiet so he used his other hand to bunch up the t-shirt he was wearing and shoved as much as possible into his mouth to try and stop the noises he was so desperate to make.

Castiel finally came almost blacking out from the force of it; he spilled his seed as Dean sucked up every last drop before releasing him and looking up. Dean burst out laughing at the sight of Castiel collapsed against the wall looking completely fucked with his t-shirt bunched up in his mouth.

"Ha ha ha, Cas you are so cute!" he cried earning a disgruntled glare from Castiel. Dean got up from the floor and pulled the t-shirt up over Castiel's head.

"Its your fault!" Castiel grumbled "You shouldn't be so fucking good at that"

Dean was still chuckling as he pulled a very naked Castiel over to the bed, stripped off his own clothes and spooned in behind him.

"Night Cas" He said kissing that back of Castiel's neck.

"Night Dean" Castiel sighed happily

The next day Castiel got up early, he was very excited because Anna and Garth were coming to visit. He'd been in regular phone contact with both of them but they hadn't had a chance to meet up until now.

Dean was a little bit dubious about the whole thing, he didn't know what to think about these two other addicts and it concerned him that if they slipped it might lead Castiel to slip. He kept these thoughts to himself though as Castiel was obviously so excited to see them.

Garth and Anna arrived together at the Winchesters at about midday, Garth having picked Anna up on the way there.

Garth had been living with is Mom in a small flat a few hours away from Kansas, he been spending most of his time temping and desperately looking for a more permanent job. Anna had been living in a sort of halfway house, a place that ex-addicts use to try and get back on their feet, it was in Kansas but she had been so busy that Castiel hadn't seen anything of her yet.

When they finally arrived Castiel went rushing out to greet them and they had a big three way hug, crying at the emotion of being together again after what they had all endured together.

Dean, who had followed Castiel out cleared his throat announcing he was there.

Castiel let go of the others and came over to Dean, "Dean I would like you to meet Anna and Garth, guys this is Dean"

Garth ran over to Dean and pulled him into a massive hug; it was unexpected and made Dean a bit uncomfortable.

"Nice to meet you" He said awkwardly patting Garths back.

Anna came over next and kissed Dean's cheek before whispering in his ear _"Thank you for saving him and giving him a second chance Dean, everyone deserves a chance"_

Dean was shocked by this too but just smiled and nodded at her.

Castiel led them into the house to introduce them to Mary, John and Sam who had gathered in the lounge. Castiel hoped that Sam had pulled himself out of the weird mood that he'd been in all morning, snapping at them and skulking about like he was nervous about something.

Castiel introduced Garth first, who ran up and hugged each one of them like an excited puppy. John's face was a picture at that.

Next he started to introduce Anna, she shook hands politely with Mary and John then walked up to Sam, when she got to him she smiled up and said "Hi Sam" before taking his hand in hers and facing the others in the room, Sam got everyone's attention.

"Um everyone we have something to tell you..." he said,

Dean frowned over at him _'What is up with Sammy…and why is he holding onto that Anna chick's hand?'_

**Authors note: Anna and Sam…! Go on admit it who thought I was going to put Sam with Ruby? **

**Do you think Dean should have forgiven Castiel so easily over his little indiscretion with Alistair. **


	13. Chapter 13 Hounded

**Authors note: Thanks again for all your wonderful input and reviews. **

**I feel I had better warn you, there are some more dark chapters coming up. Not quite yet…but soon, it is all for a reason of course and hopefully everything will work out in the end. **

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – it's all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke owns one ex-blood junkie, one dropout with six bucks to his name, and Mr. Comatose over there. I do not. **

**Chapter 13 – Hounded**

_Recap: Dean frowned over at him 'What is up with Sammy…and why is he holding onto that Anna chick's hand?'_

"Anna and I are together" Sam announced bringing her hand up to his mouth and kissing it, in return Anna looked up at him with adoration.

"Together, like together together?" Castiel asked, clearly as confused as the rest of them "How, when, huh?"

Anna laughed then tried to explain "Well I saw Sam at Castiel's visit in the centre and I felt really sorry for him, then I couldn't stop worrying about him after he left so when I got out I asked one of my friends that knew Sam if I could have his mobile number. I just wanted to call and check he was OK as it had been bothering me so much for some reason"

Sam squeezed her hand then continued the explanation "I was shocked to hear from Anna but she seemed so sincere and concerned, plus I did sort of need a friend at the time so we started talking, chatting for hours and hours on the phone until we decided to meet up. She came to LA and we met for coffee, we stayed in the coffee place talking for most of the night. We just couldn't stay away from each other after that so have been meeting up whenever possible since" Sam was ginning from ear to ear like a lovesick teenager by the time he'd finished.

"Why the big secret though?" Dean asked quietly, trying to take it all in.

"Well we weren't sure where it was going in the beginning and then with everything that was happening with you two, we thought it better to wait until the right time, but you guys seem to be getting along better and we are very sure about what we want now….which is each other" Sam said leaning down to kiss Anna softly on the mouth.

"Oh I'm so happy for you two!" Mary exclaimed running over and pulling them both in for a huge motherly hug.

"Me too!" Castiel cried also rushing over to congratulate them.

Dean just turned and walked out of the room, leaving everyone looking around questioningly, Castiel was about to follow him to see what was wrong but Sam grabbed Castiel's shoulder pulling him back

"Cas, can I go talk to him?" Sam asked using his puppy dog eyes to full effect.

"Oh yeah of course..." Castiel answered going back to talk to Garth and Anna.

Garth was yelling something about how he had known about Sam and Anna all along and that you couldn't keep things hidden from him, but the slightly dejected look on his face made Castiel think this was as much a surprise to him as to everyone else.

Dean was standing in the kitchen by the sink looking out at the garden through the kitchen window, he sensed someone come up behind him and turned round.

"Hey Dean?" Sam questioned

"Hey Sam" Dean responded in a flat tone

"So you gonna tell me what's up?"

"Nothing's up Sammy, it's just a bit of a shock, I mean I assumed you were fucking Ruby!"

"Ruby!" Sam choked on the water he had just swigged, "Seriously dude! She'd eat me alive, there is no way…."

"Well I did think it was a bit strange, but I also thought that's why you were hiding it from me….I don't understand why you would hide Anna from me?"

"Dean" Sam sighed "It's complicated, but it mainly stems from the whole addict thing. Like if I could love an addict it would put more pressure on you to forgive and love an addict too….do you get what I mean?

"You…you love her Sammy?" Dean said smiling happily

"Yeah bro I really do, she is amazing and I know you two will get along great as well when you get to know her"

"Ah Sammy I'm real happy for you" Dean said pulling his brother in for a hug.

"Thanks Dean" Sam replied hugging him back

"OK this is getting a bit too chick-flick for my liking...lets go talk about sports and drink beer!" Dean cried slapping Sam on the back.

They went and joined the others in the lounge, Mary and John disappeared so that the 'youngsters' could spend the afternoon getting catching up.

Garth left to travel home at about 6pm, promising that he would be back to visit real soon. He had left Anna there to spend some time alone with Sam.

Dean and Castiel decided to go over to their house so they could use their recording studio to practice Gabriel and Becky's song.

The house was just on the outskirts of town so Dean drove them there in the Impala.

"This is going to be weird isn't it Cas?" Dean said regretfully.

"Only if we make it weird Dean, this place holds some terrible memories of some bad times that for sure, but it also holds some pretty fucking fantastic ones too….well for me at least"

"Oh for me as well Cas!" Dean said winking over at him "But I haven't been back here since I had a bit of a meltdown after you went away…."

"Yeah Balthazar. Meg and Sam told me a little about how bad you were, I'm so sorry to put you through that Dean" Castiel said sadly looking down at his hands in shame.

Dean didn't want them to arrive at the house in a sad mood so he tried to lighten the tone "Hey, it wasn't all bad…two words Cas 'Doctor Sexy!' I got so totally hooked on that show, it rocks!"

Castiel just rolled his eyes and chuckled lightly at Dean.

They arrived at the security gates to their house five minutes later, as they waited for the gates to open they were suddenly blinded by bright insistent flashes from a camera flash.

"Shit! Pap's!" Dean groaned as he tried to cover his face and drive inside as quickly as possible.

When he parked he called the local police to see if they could do anything about it.

"Well I guess they know you're out…?" Dean said to Castiel who was just sitting in the car looking terribly upset.

"Cas….?" Dean questioned

"We are not going to get a minute's peace now are we and if we go back to your parents they will follow us there! I can't do that to your family Dean, not after all they have done for me"

"Hey Cas its OK!" Dean replied grabbing his hand and squeezing it reassuringly "We have dealt with the hounding before, we'll just have to hide out here for a while, perhaps get Ruby on the case if they get too much, it'll be OK"

Castiel sighed and nodded before squeezing Dean's had back, letting go and getting out of the car.

They walked through the big front entrance together and Dean flicked on the lights, he took Castiel's hand again and pulled him through to their recording studio/practice room that they'd had installed a couple of years ago.

"Wow, it feels good to be back in here Castiel said wondering around the room stoking the various bits of equipment and furniture as if reacquainting himself. "Feels like home" He smiled shyly over at Dean.

"Yeah I know hat you mean Cas" Dean said coming over and pulling Castiel into a hug before kissing the top of his head.

"Come on then pretty boy; let's see if you can still hold a tune!"

Dean laughed before going to his bag and handing Castiel the lyrics to the song he'd written for the wedding.

Castiel went and sat on the little sofa in the corner to read through the lyrics whilst Dean set up and tuned his guitar, once it was ready he started strumming the notes that went with the song so Castiel could get a feel for it.

"Dean…"Castiel sighed "This is perfect, you do realise that it will make Becky and quite possibly Gabriel cry uncontrollable though"

"Yeah…that's what I was aiming for" he winked and continued strumming the tune.

When he got to the chorus part Castiel started singing along;

'_I would sell my soul for you, _

_I'd fight against the hound of hell, _

_I will be your angel baby _

_If you will be my girl'_

Castiel continued running through the lines until they managed to run through the whole song in one go.

"Dean it really is great, they are going to love it" Castiel said sincerely, coming over and standing in front of Dean.

"They are going to love you singing it; Cas your voice is so beautiful. I tried to imagine what you would sound like singing the words when I wrote them….but you have surpassed all my expectations" Dean said in awe before leaning over and catching Castiel's lips in his own.

Dean called his Mom later that evening to inform her that they were trapped in their house for the night. Dean and Castiel then went and lounged around in their music room together, this room contained all of Castiel's original record collection, plus a lot more that they had added together over the last five years.

They took it in turns choosing their favourite albums and snuggled up together on one of the huge extravagant dark leather sofas.

Dean was kissing around Castiel's neck and stroking his fingers down his side causing Castiel to almost purr like a cat.

"I have missed you so much Cas" Dean breathed into Castiel's neck "I have missed you, the real you for about a year now…"

"Yeah, I was so lost Dean; I am so glad that you found me again" Castiel sighed snuggling up against Dean further.

"Cas I have been thinking about us a lot and I think we should hold off with the full on sex for a while…" Dean laughed as Castiel pouted sulkily "Ha ha not forever Cas, just until we are both really ready, I feel like I am getting to know you all over again and I think we need time to build up the trust again…do you understand what I mean?"

"Yeah, it makes sense…Dean I am just so grateful that you have let me back into your life after what I put you through, so I will take you anyway you are willing to give"

They continued to kiss and stroke until eventually they fell asleep, snuggled up together on the sofa with Zeppelin playing softly in the background.

The next morning they got up and made coffee together in the kitchen.

"Do we have anything that we can eat?" Castiel groaned rubbing his growling stomach

"I'll go look in the freezer, I think there is some chocolate croissants in there" Dean replied wondering off into the utility room.

Whilst Dean was gone foraging for food Castile switched on the

TV in the kitchen. He was instantly faced with a picture of himself and the tag line;

"Drug addict rocker released from rehab, reconciles with gay lover band mate!"

"Oh crap…. Dean!" Castiel called "I think we've made the headlines again…."

Dean walked back in holding a packet of croissants just in time to see footage of them driving through their gate last night.

Dean had matching furious expression both on the TV and in the Kitchen.

It got even worse when they started reporting on all of Castiel's previous problems and showing various pictures of him obviously off his face stumbling out of bars or clubs, in some he was being held up by a fed up looking Dean.

They then started showing some footage of some of the bands gigs, giving a little history of the band, saying that all that greatness had been ruined by Castiel's drug problems.

The last bit of footage is one that Dean didn't even know had been filmed, it was an intimate moment between him and Castiel after one of their big sell out stadium gigs, when they had walked off the stage after the third and final encore. They had ran into each other's arms and kissed passionately, caught up in the heat of the moment. It was such a private and personal moment and now it was being flashed across worldwide news for everyone to see.

"Turn it off Cas…." Dean croaked out, he then walked over to the oven and started to sort out breakfast; "I don't need to see that shit, I'll call Ruby in a bit see if there is anything she can do, also when is Balthazar due back, he could help take the heat off?"

"He called the other day said he'd be back the day before new year's eve, to give him time to prepare for Gabe and Becky's wedding in the second week of January" Castiel replied still looking devastated by what he's seen on TV.

"New year's eve hey….?" Dean said, an idea forming; "Cas we should totally have a New Year's Eve party! There has been too much crap going on recently and I think we should all relax and spend some time with our nearest and dearest….that's if you think you can handle it…you know the temptation and everything?"

"It will be difficult, I've not put myself in many social situations, but I guess I'll never know unless I test myself. Perhaps we can just invite close friends and family… keep it small, less chance of anyone having anything to….um tempt me?"

"Woo hoo, sounds like a plan!" Dean cried, glad to have something to take his mind off the hounding Pap's.

Ruby managed to calm the media situation down enough so that Dean and Castiel were able to go back to his parent's house for Christmas day without being followed.

They arrived just after 9am and immediately got given jobs by Mary to help prepare for Christmas Dinner.

Anna was there helping Sam to decorate the dining room with all sorts of tacky Christmas decorations and extravagant table centre pieces. Apparently they had hardly left each other's side since they announced their relationship.

"Oh Anna is so lovely, she is polite and sweet but has a bit of a feisty side too, I've seen her put your brother in his place a couple of times now when he has done something stupid!" Mary gushed to Dean and Cas as they helped prepare the vegetables.

Dean just laughed and replied "Yep, let's just hope that she stops him doing something stupid like exposing himself for millions to see again!"

"Hmmm!" Mary groaned unimpressed "Oh Dean that reminds me, I have made a Christmas pudding for desert today….will you be able to control yourself when Castiel eats it or do I need to supply everyone with earplugs…?"

Castiel snorted out a laugh earning him a glare from Dean.

"Very funny mother! I'll keep myself under control don't worry" He snapped before adding cheekily "…pudding doesn't do it for me anyway!"

Mary clipped him round the back of the head before going to check on the decorations in the dining room.

At exactly midday they all gathered around the table for the wonderful Christmas feast. The conversation was flowing and everyone was having a great time.

Dean and Castiel announced their New year's eve party and they all thought that it would be a great idea. Castiel and Anna had shared a look, both acknowledging that it would be a real test for them.

During desert Castiel made everyone around the table cry with laughter by seductively eating his Christmas pudding, making erotic eyes at Dean as he sucked down on the spoon then moaning like a whore whilst licking his lips. Dean glared at him at first but was laughing along with everyone by the end.

After dinner Dean and Castiel cleared the table together Dean smacked Castiel quite hard on the ass saying; "Oh you are so gonna pay for that Cas!"

Castiel giggled like a school girl and ran off.

Once all the clearing up had been done everyone gathered in the lounge around the oversized and over decorated Christmas tree then the presents were passed out amongst them.

Everyone was very pleased with their gifts especially Dean who had received a limited edition signed and framed single version of Ramble on by Led Zeppelin from Castiel.

Castiel was crying over the new song that Dean had written for him for Christmas, it was all about how proud Dean was of him for getting this far. Dean had gotten it specially calligraphy written on some extra thick paper so that it looked better than if he'd just printed it out.

"Dean, I love you so much" Castiel cried leaping across the room and tackling Dean down onto the floor where he proceeded to attack his mouth and grope him in a way that should not be witnessed by family.

"Seriously?! One of them is turned on by pie; the other one gets frisky when he sees paper?! It's a miracle they get anything done!" Bobby growled out causing everyone to laugh again, even Castiel and Dean who had managed to composed themselves a little.

All in all it was a lovely family day, the best that any of them had had in a very long time. They felt in that moment like nothing could possibly go wrong.

**Authors note: Hmmmm, can anyone say 'Calm before the storm…' What badness do you guys think could be around the corner? **

**Do you think it's right that Dean and Castiel are calming their sexy times for now or are you cursing me for the lack of naughtiness?**


	14. Chapter 14 - Gone

**Authors note: Wow! OK some of you are not wanting the badness, but there has to be bad with the good, its makes the good soooo much better. Trust me I'm SPNFamily J**

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – it's all just fiction.**

**_Bold_**** = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke owns / I do not. **

**Chapter 14 – Gone**

After the wonderful Christmas day Castiel and Dean had stayed over at Mary and John's again that night. They had lain in bed talking for hours, neither really wanting the day to end.

"Cas, did you feel OK back in our house? Like if I was to say that I wanted to move back in there with you…would you be OK with that?" Dean asked whilst stroking his fingers through Castiel's hair as he rested his head on Dean's chest.

"Yeah I really would be OK with that, I meant it when I said it felt like home. Having you and my records under one roof that is all I want now" Castiel replied sincerely.

The next morning when the family gathered for breakfast they made the announcement;

"We are going to be moving back into our house together, we discussed it last night and we realised that we miss being there together" Dean explained.

"Well ok if you are sure honey" Mary replied looking a bit worried "Castiel, are you sure?" She added.

"Yes Mary, more than sure. Thank you so much to you and to John for all you have done for me, I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am that you took me in…after everything!"

"What are you going to do with your LA place Dean?" John enquired

"I'm going to keep it on for the time being, I still have work to do in LA in the New Year, plus it'll be handy for if we get back to recording again" Dean said squeezing Castiel's hand under the table.

After breakfast they gathered together all their belongings and headed over to their house.

"I feel like I should carry you over the threshold or something!" Dean said as they walked up to the door.

"Dean how many times do I have to tell you, I am not the girl in this relationship!" Castiel cried attempting to lift Dean up, they ended up crashing through the doors all their belongings going flying whilst they each tried to pick the other up. They landed in a heap on the large tiled entrance floor giggling like naughty children.

"Or I guess that's another way we could make an entrance" Dean laughed before rolling over so he was lying completely on top of Castiel with his hands on either side of his head.

Castiel lifted his head up and captured Dean's lip, making him cry out in pleasure/pain.

"Oh yeah that reminds me! I have some punishment to administer for your little show of insolence at lunch yesterday Mr Novak!" Dean said in a menacing tone before biting down on Castiel's lip even harder in return causing him to whimper and wiggle underneath Dean.

"But not right now my sweet, I will administer this punishment as and when I see fit and when you least expect it!" Dean growled down into Castiel's ear before jumping up and running off.

"Oh Dean…you tease" Castiel chuckled before climbing up off the floor and starting to gather up all their belongings strewn over the entranceway.

That evening they started making plans for the party, arranging the caterers and sorting the music, then they spent a couple of hours practicing first Becky and Gabriel's song and then Castiel singing his special Christmas song.

After they had finished practicing they went and took a luxurious bath together, Castiel spending a long time cleaning every single inch of Dean's body before Dean returned the favour. They then climbed into their kingside bed and proceeded to kiss, suck and nibble each others bodies until they were both pulsating with longing.

"Cas, I need you!" Dean cried out as Castiel was licking down Dean's spine.

"No Dean we promised each other we'd take it slow, I wasn't overly on board with that but I think you were right, besides there are other ways to get each other off…." Castiel said whilst flipping Dean over, he then climbed up Dean's body and took hold of both their cocks rubbing them together.

They jutted back and forth trying to gain as much friction as possible their breathing coming in short sharp bursts mingling with the lust filled moans until Castiel leaned his head back and cried out "Dean, oh god Dean!" coming all over their stomachs, Castiel's cry of ecstasy sent Dean tumbling over the edge as well, he thrust up once more before adding to the sticky mess on their stomachs.

"Damn it, we just got clean!" Castiel chuckled

"Wait there" Dean commanded before running off and then jogging back in with a damp towel, he cleaned up Castiel first and then gave himself a quick wipe down before climbing back into the bed and snuggling against Castiel.

The next three days were spent in much the same way, planning the party, listening to music and practicing. The media attention was still there but was not as aggressive as it had first been thanks to Ruby, so they were not bothered as much if they wanted to leave the house.

On New Year's Eve during the day before the party Castiel had his visit from Ellen to check up on how he was getting on.

She arrived at Dean and Castiel's place at about 11am and Castiel carried out the introductions;

"Ellen I would like to introduce you to Dean…my partner" Castiel said smiling up at Dean.

"Dean this is the wonderful Nurse Harvell, um…Ellen that kept me in line during rehab"

"It's a pleasure" Dean said extending his hand.

"It's sure is, Castiel you never told me that Dean was such a dish! No wonder you managed to sort yourself out!" Ellen replied holding on to Dean's hand for just a second too long.

They spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon discussing Castiel's progress and the breakthrough he had in his last group.

"I realised that my parents abandonment had always left this hole in me that I thought could only be filled with substances. If I wasn't high then I felt the hole, it just got worse and worse the more self-obsessed and paranoid I became as an after effect of the drugs" Castiel explained to Ellen whilst Dean held his hand reassuringly.

Dean had already heard this breakthrough the night after Castiel's group meeting but it still made him sad that he hadn't noticed it in the beginning and managed to stop Castiel from basically self-destructing all those years ago.

When they had finished discussing Castiel's progress Ellen decided she wanted to hear the song that they had told her they were performing at Gabriel's wedding, so they all made their way to the recording room.

Ellen was completely in awe of them;

"Boys that was amazing! I cannot wait for your next album together!" She cried clapping her hands.

Castiel and Dean just looked at each other, they had not really spoken about the future of the band and it seemed a bit too soon after Castiel's treatment.

"Um we haven't decided on anything yet…." Castiel replied in a small unsure voice.

"Oh don't be silly, you guys were meant to be in a band, it'll happen again – you mark my words!" Ellen tutted, with much eye rolling.

She looked down at her phone as it beeped and smiled happily,

"Well my boys its looks like I have myself a date so I'll be heading off now, unless there is anything else you need to discuss Castiel?"

"I don't think so, thanks Ellen, really I have not felt this content in a very long time" Castiel replied going over to put his arm round Dean's waist.

"Dean I'm glad to have finally met you, I'll be seeing you both again real soon" Ellen said as she made her way out of their house.

"Yeah, you too! Go easy on your poor date!" Dean replied

"Now Dean where would the fun be in that" Ellen shouted before waving and jumping in her car.

After Ellen's visit they started to get ready for the party, everyone should be arriving in about 5 hours' time.

Once all the preparations had been done Castiel was sitting in the lounge thinking about that evening, he was really excited about the party mainly because it would be the first time the entire band will have been back together and because he would get to see his brother and Meg. But he was also very nervous. _'What if someone brings something with them? What if I can't remember how to party without any drugs or alcohol? What if everyone thinks I'm boring because I won't know what to say to them?'_

Dean could sense Castiel's concern so he came up and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"You will be fine; I am here for you and if you need me at any point during the evening, if you just need a breather….anything just let me know. I love you and I know you can do this!" Dean uttered reassuringly before kissing Castiel on the lips and giving him a light smack on the behind.

"Now come on princess lets go make ourselves look pretty!" He yelled whilst mincing off into their walk in wardrobe.

The first people to arrive were Meg and Balthazar; they had pretty much come straight from the airport.

"Cassie, my little brother it is so good to see you!" Balthazar exclaimed dramatically whist kissing both Castiel's cheeks

"Ha ha, you too Balthy! Did you guy shave a good time?"

"It was magnifique!" Balthazar replied before going to kiss an unimpressed looking Dean hello.

Shortly after that Gabriel and Becky arrived, Becky was almost vibrating with excitement. Following them were Harry, Ed and Kevin with their partners.

Sam and Anna turned up next with Garth in tow, then Dean's parents arrived, Mary really excited and rambling on about something to do with Dean's Uncle Bobby.

"Slow down mom!" Dean cried grabbing her shoulders "…what are you saying?"

"He's bringing a DATE!" Mary finally explained.

Dean and Castiel looked over at each other suspiciously "It couldn't be….?" Castiel questioned

Before Dean could reply Bobby arrived looking sheepish, followed by a very pleased with herself looking Ellen.

"I told you boys I'd be seeing you soon!" She winked before grabbing Bobby's hand.

"Come on Singer, let's go find the booze!" she said pulling a shell shocked looking Bobby in the direction of the kitchen.

The party was in full swing by 11pm, everyone was having a blast, even Castiel and Anna found that they could relax and chat normally.

Balthazar, Gabriel, Harry, Ed and Garth were all making the most of the music and having some sort of bizarre dance off in the middle of the lounge much to the entertainment of everyone else. Mary, Ellen and Becky were getting along like a house on fire, gossiping in the corner whilst Bobby and John sat around drinking beer.

As it neared to midnight Dean went and found Castiel where he was sitting talking to Anna and Sam.

"Hey baby, it's nearly midnight, shall we put the countdown on?" Dean whispered into Castiel's ear, Dean had had a couple of beers but was making a point of not getting drunk for Castiel's sake.

At midnight everyone cheered and those with partners got on with the kissing. Dean pulled Castiel in a passionate embrace, when they eventually broke apart Castiel whispered "I love you so much Dean and I cannot wait to spend the next year proving that to you!"

Dean grinned and replied "I love you too Cas, I really do!"

Dean was then pulled away to hug Mary, whilst Castiel was attacked by Ellen.

After the midnight celebrations Gabriel suggested that they have a quick jam together, as it was their first time together for a while and to see in the New Year properly.

Almost everyone turned to look at Castiel, seeing if he would be up for the idea.

"Sure why not!" he replied excitedly, earning some high pitched Whoops from Becky.

As the band was setting up Castiel snuck up to Dean and said

"I'm just going to take 5 minutes outside to compose myself….you know I haven't felt this nervous since my first audition" He chuckled.

"Sure Cas, I'll come find you when we're set up. You sure you're OK? I can come with…."

"Dean I'm fine, just need a breather, I'll see you in a bit" Castiel replied, kissing Dean quickly on the lips before grabbing a bottle of water and heading outside.

10 minutes later and the band were all set up, waiting for Castiel.

"I'll go get him…" Dean sighed rolling his eyes whilst thinking how cute it was that Cas was nervous. He wondered off out the back door but Castiel wasn't where he's expected him to be so he called out

"Cas? Where are you?"

When he didn't get a reply he thought; _'Oh he must have gone back in?' _So he walked back to the recording room where everyone else was waiting.

"Anyone seen Cas? He wasn't outside…?" Dean yelled over the noise of everyone chattering.

"Nope!" "No" "You tried the can?" came the replies.

Dean turned and went back out, followed by Sam and Anna.

"Cas!" Dean yelled when he reached the hallway….no reply.

"You guys check down here, I'll go upstairs" Dean said starting to feel panic welling up inside of him.

"Cas, hey Cas?" He yelled running from room to room until he'd covered the entire upstairs….still nothing.

He met Sam and Anna back in the hallway; they had been joined by Mary, John and Balthazar.

"Did you find him?" Dean said hopefully

"Not anywhere Dean" Sam said putting his hand on his brothers shoulder in support.

"Have you checked all your cars are still there?" Balthazar added sounding pretty worried himself.

Dean didn't answer he just turned and ran outside to the garage.

He slumped in slight relief when he saw all the cars there. _'Ok so he hasn't driven off anywhere!'_ he thought.

He then had an Idea and took out his phone to call Castiel's number whilst walking back into the house.

Most of the other guests were gathered in the hallway by now, all looking very concerned. Becky came running into the hallway carrying a phone "Hey whose phone is this, it keeps ringing?" She cried.

"It's Castiel's…" Dean replied before hanging up and turning to his parents

"I don't know where he is, what if he has run off again? I just….I don't know what to do!" He stated looking like a lost child.

Mary pulled Dean into her arms whilst saying "Its ok Dean, we'll find him, shhhh it's OK"

**Authors note: *Peeks out from behind sofa* do you guys hate me? **

**So where do you think Castiel could have gone? **

**Did you see the Bobby and Ellen situation happening? **

**Reviews may help in finding Castiel quicker….so you know what you have to do. **


	15. Chapter 15 - Missing

**Authors note: Sorry, so sorry. Didn't mean to upset you, but it had to happen. If we can just get through this Chapter together…. come on, I'll hold your hand. **

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – it's all just fiction.**

**_Bold_**** = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke has it all / I do not. **

**Chapter 15 – Missing**

_Recap: "I don't know where he is, what if he has run off again? I just….I don't know what to do!" He stated looking like a lost child. Mary pulled Dean into her arms whilst saying "Its ok Dean, we'll find him, shhhh it's OK"_

Castiel had been missing for about 2 hours now, the police were just preparing to leave the house after taking statements and inspecting the last places Castiel was seen. They had informed Dean that there was no sign of a struggle or of anyone else being involved. All they could do now was put out an APB and see if anything came up, then once 24 hours was up Dean could file an official missing persons report.

As they were about to leave Dean suddenly had a thought;

"Alistair!" he shouted at the officers walking out the door.

"Sorry sir?" One of them asked stepping back in.

Balthazar hearing Dean shout wondered over to him.

"Cas said that Alistair had an obsession with him, he um….he took advantage of Cas when he was…ah…under the influence" Dean explained.

"Took advantage how exactly!" Balthazar bit out his eyes going black with anger.

"Yes Sir, we will need more information than that" The officer confirmed, getting out his notepad.

"Alistair was our Roadie, Balth you remember him?"

"Strange looking man, tall and very thin?" Balthazar questioned in disgust.

"Yeah that's the freak, well he used to supply Cas when we were touring apparently, was the one that got him properly hooked and fucked up, then wanted a little too much in return. Cas didn't have none of it but he was tricked into letting him take certain fucked up exposed photos in return for drugs. Cas managed to pay him off and get him fired….could…do you think he could have done something to Cas?" Dean asked, still refusing to believe that Castiel had just run off.

"Well I think that certainly makes him worth questioning, do you have any contact details?" The officer asked.

"I'll sort all that out, follow me" Balthazar snapped back in manager mode.

Dean just sighed and slumped further into the chair. Sam and Anna came over to him then; Anna had quite obviously been crying her eyes out.

"Dean, I cannot believe that Castiel would run off on his own accord" Anna sobbed.

"Why the hell not Anna, he has done it before, why not again!" Sam cried back at her.

"Is that what you really think?" Anna gasped "Is that what you think about me too then….?"

When Sam didn't answer, only look down at his hands Anna ran off sobbing.

"You fucking idiot Sam! Castiel has not run off!" Dean shouted "and you have just really upset that girl, now go and make nice before I kick you out of my house…you dick!"

"I was just…Dean he has done this…." Sam shook his head "No your right, he hasn't run off this time, it's not like before….Shit! Anna is gonna hate me! I just can't watch you go through more hurt Dean, you've been through enough already!"

"I know Sammy, I know. Go find Anna, apologise and hope she can understand how you're feeling" Dean sighed putting his head in his hands.

Mary was the next person to approach Dean.

"Sweetie, I know you're not going to like this suggestion but don't you think you should try and get a little rest, we can take it in turns staying up and waiting for news….? She said stroking his back.

"No!" Dean replied without looking up.

"But honey, you'll be no good for…." Mary started

"No, I'm not going to go to sleep whilst the man I love is missing mother" Dean said sternly turning to glare up at her, his expression softened when he saw the hurt, worry and exhaustion on his mom face.

"Mom I'm sorry, I just….I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway….but please I want you and Dad to go home and get some rest, I'll call you the minute I hear anything I promise"

"Dean we are not leaving you!" Mary snapped back astonished, before adding in a softer tone "When the police clear out perhaps we'll try and catch a couple of hours rest in one of the spare rooms upstairs but I'm not going anywhere until I know Castiel is safe. I know you love him honey, well I do too because he is like a third son to me"

"Oh mom I know, you have been so good to him… what do you think may have happened to him?"

"I just cannot believe that he would take off on his own accord, but the thought that someone has taken him….well that just…I just cannot bare that thought either" Mary sobbed.

John came over and tried to console his wife and son, not by saying anything just by being close.

A couple of hours later and Dean, Mary, John, Balthazar and Meg all sat in the lounge drinking strong black coffee. Sam and Anna had gone to lay down upstairs for a little while. Gabriel and Becky had gone out to drive around see if they could spot anything, as had Garth and Kevin, Bobby and Ellen. Everyone else had gone home to get some sleep.

Dean was beside himself, his mind so scrambled that he could barely see straight. '_There is no way he has run off; he wasn't in that frame of mind. I could always tell when he was about to do something stupid or when he was out of control before when he was on the drugs but he is completely sober now and he seemed to be so content and actually happy. But that means that someone has taken him, if that sick pervert Alistair has done anything to him….if he has damaged even one black curly hair on his head I will skin and gut him alive!'_

Dean then went on to imagine all the ways he would hurt Alistair, it made him feel marginally better for the moment.

It was about midday on New Year's day, most people had gone home to try and get a few hours rest apart from Mary and John, who had gone upstairs to lie down, Sam and Anna who had taken over driving around and Balthazar who was on the phone in the lounge again whilst Dean watched him anxiously.

"Ruby, you have to make them understand he is not on some sort of drug crazed bender! He is missing, if they have any fucking decency they will help us to find him not drag up his fucking past…." Balthazar was red in the face from his annoyance; a little over half an hour ago the press had gotten wind of Castiel's disappearance and were hounding everyone for answers. They had all assumed that Castiel had gone off the rails again so Balthazar had enlisted Ruby to help set the record straight.

"Ruby, I'm not sure if…"Balthazar looked over at Dean with a concerned expression "Not today Ruby, tomorrow if we have to…If he can't then I'll do it…..yes OK, thank you again Ruby….thanks bye" He hung up the phone and stared over at Dean for a while as if trying to find the words.

"Ruby wants us to do an appeal for information, preferably you….if you don't think you can then I will step in, that's only if he hasn't been found by tomorrow. Hopefully they will have found that bastard Alistair by then and we'll have Cassie back already" He growled out "I swear if he has hurt my baby brother then I will fucking kill him Dean, I will do it!" Balthazar started crying then. "This was supposed to be a good day, I was supposed to be telling Castiel that he is going to be an uncle today, not praying that he is ok!"

Dean's head snapped up at that last bit

"Balth? Uncle?" Was all Dean could get out.

"Yeah, Meg is two months pregnant with a mini-me! Can you believe I'm going to be a dad! Me!" Balthazar cried out through the tears.

"Oh god Balth that's great, it really is" Dean said with as much happiness that he could muster; it never really reached his eyes though.

"Yeah well we'll hold off the celebrations for now Deano, I don't even know why I told you, I'm just….I think it must be jet lag and lack of sleep and emotions all rolled into one, my brain is literally fried!" He sighed rubbing his eyes

"Dean I'm sorry but I am going to have to go and crash before I pass out, I need to check Meg is ok as well. I'll be back In a few hours….please call me the second you hear anything, anything at all, OK. We should have news from LA in a few hours when Garth gets there for us"

"Sure, sure, go and look after Meg, it's important to make sure the ones you love are safe….." Dean said in a whisper.

Balthazar was reluctant to leave him alone and he stood by the door debating what to do, just then he heard a car turn up, Sam and Anna walked through the door shortly after which helped him make his mind up to go home.

"Anything?" Dean and Balthazar asked as the same time.

Sam just shook his head and Anna ran off upstairs crying softly.

"Dean try and get some rest" Balthazar said as he walked out the door.

Sam went to the kitchen and grabbed a plate of the leftover food that looked edible still, then had picked up and opened a couple of the beers from the icebox, before carrying it all back into the lounge.

"Here, eat this and drink this!" he commanded staring at Dean to let him know he wasn't taking no for an answer.

Dean didn't say yes but he did reach out and grab a canapé which he started to nibble the edges off.

"I  
don't know what's worse Sammy, thinking that he has disappeared or thinking that someone has him and is doing god know's what to him….I just feel so helpless. I just got him back, he was my Cas again and things were getting better….I just…I can't…." He looked away and chugged his beer trying to pull back his emotions.

Sam didn't say anything, he didn't need to. He just sat as close to his brother as he would allow and tried to get him to eat and drink, until eventually Dean passed out on the chair from exhaustion.

Dean woke up in the middle of the night to find that he had been covered in a blanket and given a pillow at some point.

He sat up with a start when everything came rushing back in "Shit!" He exclaimed rubbing is sore neck from the weird angle he'd been sleeping at.

He could hear his Mom and Ellen talking in the kitchen so went to slowly pulled himself up and made his way in there.

Mary rushed over and pulled him into a hug as he walked in. John and Bobby were sitting at the kitchen table with Balthazar and Meg.

"Any news?" Dean said in a husky sleep filled voice.

Ellen handed him a glass of juice as Balthazar answered.

"Garth has arrived in LA; he is meeting up with some of my contacts there. We are still waiting to hear from the police about their search for Alistair, I called a while ago but they had nothing. An officer will be here soon to take details for the official missing persons report" Balthazar sighed, he looked worse than he had before he went home earlier. Meg reached over an took hold of his hand.

The next few hours were taken up with Dean and Balthazar talking to officers and liaising with Garth in La. Sam and Anna were trying to contact every member of Castiel's NA group to see if they knew anything that could help.

At about five in the morning the phone rang again for about the millionth time in an hour; Balthazar answered the phone as he was nearest and had been using in most of the night/morning.

"No its not, I'm his brother. Yes of course I'll pass you over….Dean Its for you" Balthazar said handing the phone over to Dean. "Officer in Phoenix?" he explained.

"Hello" Dean croaked, realising that he hadn't spoken for a while. He cleared his throat and tried again "Hello, this is Dean Winchester"

"Mr Winchester, its Officer Larsen here I wanted to call you to inform you that we have apprehended a Mr Alistair Smith. We do have him in custody at the moment but after our initial interrogation and thorough search of Mr Smith's property we can confirm that we have found no trace of Castiel Novak. I am sorry sir but it looks like this is not the answer to Mr Novak's disappearance.

"No you don't understand…it has to be….he has to have something to do with it!" Dean cried

"Mr Winchester I understand that you are upset but I can assure you that our initial investigations suggest that Mr Smith has nothing to do with this, he has been in Phoenix the whole time for one and he has an airtight alibi for the past few days. We also have reason to believe that his obsessions have moved on from Mr Novak some time ago based on the images and video's we found at his apartment, I am sorry but he is not the answer to your missing person"

Dean didn't know what to say, he just handed the phone back to Balthazar, who continued asking questions.

_'Alistair doesn't have Cas? Then where the hell is he? Who else may have taken him? …..or has he actually run away from me….?_

**Authors note: *still hiding behind sofa* **

**Oh no, if it isn't Alistair then who could it be? **

**Or could it be that he has just run off on his own accord? **

**Find out what has happened to Castiel in the next instalment of Battle for Redemption. **

**Reviews may help to keep Castiel safe….so you know what you have to do. **


	16. Chapter 16 - Deranged revenge

**Authors note: Shall we find out where Castiel is? **

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – it's all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the storyline. **

**Chapter 16 – Deranged Revenge**

_Recap: 'Alistair doesn't have Cas? Then where the hell is he? Who else may have taken him? …..or has he actually run away from me….?_

Castiel woke up and opened his eyes blinking a couple of times, '_its pitch black so it must still be night' _He thought.

He realised that he was freezing cold so tried to roll over to snuggle up against Dean, that's when he found out that he couldn't move his arms as they were strapped up on either side of his head.

He tried to talk to ask Dean what was going on but found that he had something stuck over his lips, so he tried to move his legs, those too were strapped up.

'_What the fuck is going on, where the hell am I?'_ He thought feeling panic starting to swell up inside.

He took a few deep breaths through his nose to try and calm the panic, then started trying to think back to the last things he remembered.

'_I remember it was New Years Eve, I was standing in the hallway outside the recording studio talking to Dean…about needing a breather before performing with the band…..then what?...I grabbed some water and went to sit on the patio in the back garden…..I never made it there because I was grabbed from behind and had something shoved over my mouth and nose, it smelt strong and sweet….that's it…shit I have been kidnapped!'_

He could feel the panic welling up in him again _'Breath Castiel, just try to stay calm!'_ he told himself.

'_Have you been hurt in anyway….? Legs…no apart from being strapped up they feel ok and I can feel my toes moving. Right good….arms….nope they are alright and I can feel my hands moving although I do have pins and needles big time! I can open my eyes so they are ok, I am just in a dark room I think'_ he lifted his head a little bit causing a massive onslaught of headache to almost knock him out again. Before his head crashed down he saw a strip of light as if coming through under a door on the other side of the room. '_Note to self, don't lift head for a while! Ok is the rest of my body OK?'_ he wiggled and shuffled as best he could causing the bed he was on to creak a bit _'Right no pain….anywhere and I am still wearing my clothes so chances are I have not been hurt or violated in anyway….yet' _

Just after he thought that he heard footsteps out in the hallway, they paused outside of the door for a moment before the door came flying open second's later making Castiel jump at both the suddenness and at the burst of light that blinded him from outside.

A shadow was standing in the doorway; Castiel could not make out the features as his eyes were still trying to adjust to the light. Once the person started talking though he instantly recognised the voice.

"Well good morning sunshine, and there was me thinking you were going to sleep the day away!" said a very sarcastic British accent

'_Crowley!?'_ Castiel thought, _'Why the hell would Crowley have kidnapped me!' _

Crowley wondered into the room and flicked on a lamp that was sitting on a little wooden table opposite the end of the bed. He lowered himself into the chair next to the table and just stared over at Castiel grinning like he had caught himself the biggest fish in the lake.

"Well well well, little rock star Cassy-poos! Look at you all trussed up like a turkey dinner, not feeling so fucking high and mighty now are you sonny Jim!"

'_What the fuck is he talking about…?'_ Castiel thought, the light from the lamp making his head hurt again so he shut his eyes and dropped his head back onto the bed.

He heard movement from the other side of the room and looked up to find Crowley standing over him, his face about an inch from his. He looked deranged with anger and Castiel tried to shrink away from him absolutely petrified.

"Don't you dare fucking look away from me when I am talking to you, you fucking jumped up little prick!" Crowley shouted, so mad that he was actually spitting into Castiel's face

"You think you are so much fucking better than me don't you princess! You think you are the be all and end all of everything don't you!"

Castiel didn't know what to do but he knew he had to try and calm Crowley down again so he put on his most sincere expression and shook his head.

Crowley just huffed in his face, his breath smelling stale with whisky.

"You may have noticed that you are at my mercy little rock star, so you best show me some fucking respect! Do you understand me?" Crowley said menacingly whilst walking back over to the chair and sitting down.

Castiel lifted his head again and looked at Crowley, his eyes filled with fear, he nodded confirming that he understood and just sat waiting for further instruction from Crowley.

"So have you figured out why you are here yet?" Crowley asked but then continued without waiting for an answer "Well I explain it to you. Its about money and power of course, you can't have one without the other, its also to get back at you and your little denim clad nightmare of a boyfriend"

"Humph?" Castiel managed to make a questioning noise _'why would he want to get back at us? What have we ever done to him?' _

"You don't even know…do you?" Crowley yelled standing up and pacing back and forth at the end of the bed.

"You don't know the love of your life shot down my offer of managing your stupid band, with some very derogatory statements in front of some very influential people. He ruined me and he did it because of you! Because I hadn't kept you in the other band when I found out that you had been playing doctors and nurses with ol'Deano!"

Castiel shook his head to signify that he didn't know anything about that.

"Well regardless, I have been watching along happily, seeing you self destruct, just biding my time for when you were at your lowest and I could swoop in and ruin you both completely. But no you had to go and get better didn't you! Started playing happy families with your boy toy again! You really left me no choice here Castiel, I had to take you away from him!"

Crowley started laughing then "It really has worked out perfectly and all it took was a little snooping, finding out about your party and scoping out your seriously security lacking property. I couldn't believe my luck when you wondered outside all alone!" Crowley wondered back up the bed to talk right into Castiel's face again;

"But do you know the best bit! Dean thinks you have run off in a drug crazed bender, he isn't even looking for you anymore because he has given up on you Castiel; you are dead to him now! Ha ha ha, the rock worlds little golden couple and I have managed to slice right through the heart of you both. No more band, no more seeing you two smug and you are mine for life now! Castiel I can do with you as I wish!"

With that Crowley walked out of the room chuckling to himself.

A single tear ran out of Castiel's eye, sliding down the side of his face and landing on the bed next to his head.

'_Oh god no, Dean please don't have given up on me, I wouldn't blame you if you have but…..please please I beg of you have faith in me….please'_ These were Castiel's thoughts until he passed out again from the lasting effects of the Chloroform.

* * *

Dean Winchester glared at the stylist that had started walking towards him to sort out his look for the TV appeal that he was about to record. She looked confused for a second until he made a turn around and walk away motion, her mouth dropped open and she huffed a little before stomping off in the other direction. '_Fucking bitch! I'm filming an appeal for information on the man I love not filming a fucking rock video!'_ Dean thought bitterly.

Balthazar, Meg and Ruby came ever to him to prep before they started rolling. The appeal would be made by both him and Balthazar. It was going to be a 1 minute appeal and Dean was dreading every single second of it, but knew he had to do this for Castiel '_There is just no way that he wouldn't have been in contact if he was able to, he has been taken, that I am sure off, I'm also sure that I'll do everything possible to get him back' _Dean thought determinedly just before the camera's started rolling.

Balthazar commenced the appeal;

"If you could spare us one minute of your time, we are appealing for information about the whereabouts' of my brother Castiel Novak, most of you will know him as lead singer of Free will. He has been missing for just over a day and a half now having been, we believe, kidnapped from right outside his own home in Kansas. There should be an image of him on the screen; he was last seen wearing a blue shirt and black trousers. Please please if you have any information or think you may have seen someone that matches his appearance; please contact the number on the screen"

Balthazar looked over at Dean before adding "Please help bring my brother back to me and back to Dean…." Balthazar started sobbing then and was handed a tissue by Meg who was hovering at the side.

Dean cleared his throat and started his part by saying "Cas I love you, I will find you!" He was staring straight into the camera whilst saying this as if talking directly to Castiel.

"Please if you are holding him, please just let him go. Please whatever you want I'll sort it….anything I just…I just need him back. If you have hurt him you can be sure that I will find you and….." Dean stopped there realising that he wasn't supposed to make threats as it may cause the person holding Castiel to hurt him. "I mean, please I will give you whatever you want, I just…if anyone knows anything, anything at all please contact the number…I can't live without him…I need him back please" Dean finished before covering his face with his hands.

"Cut!" Ruby yelled, coming over to them both.

"You did great guys; we'll get that distributed nationally right away….and I'll do whatever else I can to help find him" She added showing a surprising amount of compassion before turning and stomping off shouting orders to those around her.

"Do you think it'll help Balth?" Dean whispered through his fingers.

"I have to believe it will Dean, I don't know what else we can do until they ask for something in return for him…if that is their plan…."

* * *

Meanwhile Castiel had woken up again, at first he was disorientated and tried to call out to Dean. When he felt the tape on is mouth he remembered where he was and what was going on, he remembered Crowley's words about Dean; _"because he has given up on you Castiel, you are dead to him now!"_

Castiel began to cry then '_I have nothing to live for then, if Dean has truly given up on me I may as well die here in whatever way Crowley has planned for me….'_ He sighed losing hope completely.

As he lay there on the bed he realised that he could hear music, it was a Free will song of all things playing in the room next door. He could hear Crowley laughing manically over the top of it, the laughs getting louder and louder until Crowley burst through the door again, with the music blaring out behind him.

"D'ya hear this Castiel!" Crowley said dancing badly round the room "Its ones of those songs that you'll never get to sing again Ha ha ha!"

He continued shaking his head along to the music whilst shuffling nearer to Castiel;

"Oh diddums has it made you cry little baby…Thinking of all those things you have lost and the people that don't give a fuck about you now….!"

Crowley leant right into Castiel's face and whispere;

"It's just you and me now for ever little rock star, you are all mine and mine alone! No one can tell me I can't have you now, Deano won't protect you from me now….!" He then laughed manically

'_Oh Shits he is actually insane!' _Castiel thought_, 'This is so much worse than I thought, god knows what he is going to do to me now!' _

Just then the song ended and it was announced that the standard radio programming was going to be interrupted by a public announcement_. _

"_If you could spare us one minute of your time, we are appealing for information about the whereabouts' of my brother Castiel Novak" _

'_Is that Balthazar?' _Castiel thought.

Crowley's eyes went wide with shock and he quickly turned and ran out of the room shouting "No no no!"

He must have tripped over and fell on the way because there was an almighty crash and lots of swearing. Over Crowley's shouting and crashing Castiel caught snippets of the broadcast;

"_Kidnapped from right outside his own home in Kansas"_

"_Please please if you have any information" _

'_It is Balthazar, he is looking for me!' _Castiel thought_, 'oh god at least Balthazar believes I've not ran off'_

Then he heard another voice;

_"Cas I love you, I will find you!"_

The radio was finally shut of by Crowley.

'_Dean! Oh my God Dean! He is looking for me!' _Castiel thought, feeling like he would burst with relief and joy.

Crowley came limping in a short while later, with murderous rage in his eyes

"Well I guess the cats out of the bag then!" He stalked up to Castiel and placed the Chloroform soaked cloth over his mouth and nose.

"I need time to think, now the situation has changed" he told the now comatose Castiel.

**Authors note: Is it safe to come out from behind the sofa yet….nope OK *sneaks back to safety***

**Oh dear what will Crowley do with Castiel now?**

**Will Dean be able to find him?**

**Reviews are like a drug to me….I need them…need them now! **

**Thanks. **


	17. Chapter 17 - Negotiations with a madman

**Authors note: Crowley is insane, that doesn't bode well for poor little Castiel. What would Dean be willing to do to save him…?**

**I do not have any experience in rehabilitation or counselling sessions, I also do not condone the use of recreational drugs – it's all just fiction.**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the storyline. **

**Chapter 17 – Negotiations with a madman. **

It had been a day since Dean had made the TV appeal and apart from a few nut jobs claiming to have seen Castiel dressed up like a showgirl in Vegas or diving into the grand canyon nothing had come of it yet.

It was now three whole days since Castiel had been taken from him and Dean could feel himself slowly going insane with worry, worry and guilt. _'If only I'd followed Cas outside, I should never have let him out of my sight. God knows what is happening to him now and I did nothing to protect him, I have done nothing to be able to find him, I have let him down….' _

Dean was sitting on the edge of the sofa in his lounge completely ignoring all the other people sitting around him. He was not left alone for five minutes, there was always someone in the house fussing over him, either his parents, Bobby and Ellen, Sam and Anna, Balthazar and Meg or Gabriel and Becky.

Dean appreciated their concern but every time someone else approached him he was hit with the sinking thought that this person was not the one he wanted, not the person he craved with all his being, that person was being kept away from him.

"Dean!...DEAN!" Mary yelled to get his attention

"Huh?" Dean replied snapping out of his thoughts.

"It's an officer for you dear…on the phone…" She explained handing him the house phone.

"Hello?" Dean said, looking round the room nervously as the police didn't usually call them for nothing.

"Deano? Long time no see…Act like you are talking to an officer or I end this conversation now and you'll never get to see your little Castiel again, understand?" Crowley commanded

"Yes Officer" Dean responded glancing around the room again to see if anyone was watching

"Anyhoo enough of the chit chat, I'm assuming that you have guessed who I am and that I have something I believe you are looking for…"

"Yes" Dean snapped starting to feel anger boiling up inside of him.

"Tut tut Deano, trust me when I say you are in no position to be getting snappy right now! If you want to see your little sweetheart in reasonably one piece again then I can assure you, you need to cut the fucking attitude and follow my instructions to a t, do you UNDERSTAND me you dick?"

"Yes, what do I have to do?" Dean bit back trying to keep his temper under control so as not to put Castiel in anymore danger.

"So that you know I'm serious…someone wants' to say hello…" There was a muffled noise and then an unmistakable croak of "Dean?" Which was quickly cut of again before Crowley barked out his orders;

"Get your bank card and details and go to the alleyway behind my old bar in town right now, then await further instructions. Tell people there that you have to go to the police station to fill out paperwork, nothing else…oh and Deano it kinda goes without saying if you bring the police or anyone else things will get very bad for young Castiel, very bad indeed!" With that the phone cut off.

Dean looked over at Balthazar, and nodded in the direction of the hallway before getting up and walking out.

"Balth, don't react OK!" Dean whispered

"Dean what's going on?" Balthazar growled out worriedly.

"Crowley has Cas, that was him..."

"What!" Balthazar hissed.

"Shhhhh! Listen, I have been told to go to Crowley's old bar and await further instructions, I am going there and there's nothing you can do about that but I will turn my GPS on and if I don't contact you within two hours track me down…OK?"

"Dean, shouldn't we tell the police, or if not them someone else…I don't know…but you do realise that you are leaving yourself wide open for harm here, how do you even know he is telling the truth?"

"Balth, he has Cas I heard him and he sounded terrible….I have to do this, I have to try and get him back…."

Balthazar nodded at that. "Wait there for a second" he said, before running back into the lounge for a minute.

He came jogging back out and handed Dean a can of pepper spray.

"It's Meg's, I know its not much but hey it may help if things get complicated and it's all I can think off in such limited time"

"OK thanks, tell everyone I've had to go to the police station for more forms will you, I'll text you if I can with details…if not find me in two hours OK" Dean whispered, starting to feel pretty nervous now.

"Yes Dean, please don't do anything rash and keep me informed" Balthazar replied before surprising Dean by pulling him into a big bear hug. When they finally broke apart Dean nodded and walked outside to the Impala before driving off to try and save his man.

* * *

Castiel had been rudely awoken about an hour ago by Crowley ripping the tape off of his mouth is one fast tug

"Ahhh" He rasped out, feeling his mouth and throat protesting at the attempt at making a noise. He realised he had no idea when the last time he'd eaten or drunk was and that was probably why he felt absolutely terrible.

Crowley had obviously realised this too as he shoved a straw into Castiel's mouth and ordered him to suck. "Don't want you dying of dehydration now do I, that would just be boring, not to mention embarrassing…crazy old Crowley can't even keep his hostage alive ha ha ha!"

Too soon Crowley pulled the straw away and set it down on the bedside table.

"Nah ah, you'll get more if you co-operate with the new plan little princess!" With that he picked up the mobile phone on the beside table.

"You're going to tell me lover boy's mobile number, then I and he are going to negotiate a little deal" Castiel shook his head and shut his eyes again _'Oh god no, I cannot get Dean involved in this…!'_ That reaction earn't him a full force punch in the stomach_,_

"Humph" he groaned out.

"Oh sugar you don't need to moan and groan for me like you do for your man-cub, speaking of said man cub shall we try with the number again….."

Castiel tried to speak but nothing came out at first, he cleared his throat an action that made it feel like it was full of razor blades.

"Home number…not know…mobile…" he managed to say, which was true; the mobile number was programmed into his mobile phone so he didn't need to know it.

"Fine….and that is…?" Crowley bit out.

Castiel gave over the number and Crowley put it into the phone. "You will only speak if I tell you too and even then you will only say hello, am I making myself clear here Castiel?"

"Yes" Castiel whispered

Crowley pressed send and waited for the call to connect, he then asked for Dean and pretended to be an officer;

"Deano? Long time no see…" Crowley said after he was passed over to Dean, then he started his negotiations.

Castiel was torn, part of him hoped that Dean would not do what Crowley wished, that he would stay out of trouble but the other part of him prayed that Dean would come and save him, it must be three days now since he had eaten and he'd barely had anything to drink, plus he hadn't been able to move off the now saturated bed that he was festering in. He really didn't know if he could survive much more of this.

Suddenly Crowley thrust the phone against the side of his head glaring a warning to him;

"Dean…?" Castiel managed, he heard a gasp coming from the other end of the phone before it was whipped away again.

'_oh god Dean, please don't get yourself hurt for me, I couldn't bare it…' _ Castiel started crying quietly again, tears streaming down his face.

When Crowley finished his call he was grinning from ear to ear like the mad man he was.

"Oh Cassie this is going to work out so much better that I first thought, my plan was to demoralise you until you were completely mine then get you to hand over all your money so I could whisk you off into the sunset where I would keep you as my bitch….ha ha ha, but now I am going to get yours and Dean's share of the money then kill you both so I never have to look at your pathetic smug, holier than though fucked up faces every again! I can still run off into the sunset alone, I'll have enough money to find another bitch…." He grinned at Castiel cheerfully before reapplying his mouth tape, tapping him on the nose and skipping out of the room.

'_Oh man, he has fully lost the plot, I need to get away from him or I am not going to survive this…and neither will Dean, come on Castiel think! How can you get away?!' _

"Right it's time to go my little hostage…." Crowley sang wondering back into the room, flaunting the gun he was now carrying.

"I'm sure your stupid ass of a lover has not kept his word and will have people tracking me as we speak so we are going to relocate…OK?, good"

He came over to the bed and untied Castiel's feet before retying it round both ankles together.

"I am going to undo your hands for a second, if you even flinch without me saying so I will shoot you in the face, do you understand me boy!"

Castiel nodded eyes wide with fear.

"Good-o!" Crowley sang, whilst releasing Castiel's arms before retying them in front of him.

"Up…sit up" he encouraged as if talking to a small child;

"Wait there for a moment" he said after getting Castiel propped up on the edge of the bed

"Don't pass out and don't move if you don't want to have your brain splattered all over the wall behind you" he threatened as he walked out of the room.

Seconds later he wondered back in pushing a hospital style wheelchair. "In you pop sweetheart…" He said sweetly helping Castiel into the chair.

Crowley pushed Castiel out of the bedroom that had been his prison for the last three days and into what should have been a lounge, it was more like some sort of technical operation room. Everywhere he looked were surveillance photos of him and Dean, plans of their house, pictures of their family.

'_Wow he must have been stalking us for years! How did we not notice, like when Becky was stalking me all those years back I knew someone was there, fuck he is far to good at this and fucking sneaky!' _Castiel realised.

Castiel was pushed through the kitchen, which looked more like an arsenal storage room and shoved out a side-door; this led to a garage where a big blue van was kept, back open for Castiel to be shoved inside.

Once in the back Crowley unceremoniously shoved the chair so that Castiel toppled forward smashing his head and shoulder into the floor where he landed

"Oops-y" Crowley sang as he dragged Castiel to the side of the van by his hair and then cuffed his arms above his head to a convenient bar.

"Comfy?" Crowley enquired before chuckling to himself and strutting back out of the truck.

Castiel too a moment to have a look around, hoping to find something that might help him either get free or defend himself when or if Crowley let his guard down. All he could find was one measly nail, right by his left foot, just slightly out of reach. Still he attempted to twist and contort his body to reach it. The sound of the driver's door opening made him jump and he stopped his task for a second in case Crowley decided to look through the little window to check on him.

The van roared to life seconds later and he heard the sound of the garage door opening. The truck began to move, causing extra pressure on his arms as he was swayed from side to side when the van turned corners. He hurt all over and felt so ill, his head was pounding, his mouth and throat felt dry and sore, his stomach ached and he felt really sick, he pushed that last thought away as he knew that he couldn't throw up because of the tape on his mouth, he would likely choke to death if that happened. Instead he tried to concentrate on his task of reaching that one little nail by his left foot. He knew it would most likely do him no good even if he did get it, but that small bit of hope was all that was keeping him going, that and the thought that Dean might be coming for him.

* * *

Dean had reached Crowley's old bar within 10 minutes, he made his way round the back to the alleyway. This alleyway brought back all sorts of memories, it has been the first place that him and Castiel had kissed and also where they had beaten the shit out of each other. Dean had not known how to deal with his feeling for the man then, he was so confused by his complete and utter fascination with those hypnotic blue eyes and that just fucked hair. Thinking of that now made him want to cry out in frustration and anger, _'why now, why after I've just gotten the old Castiel, my Castiel back, why did someone have to take him away. I am going to decimate Crowley, I'm not sure how yet but it is going to happen, that is a fact_!'

Dean waited in the alleyway for a good half an hour, pacing up and down _'This is some kind of test I bet, he wants to see how mad I get, wants to prove to me that he holds all the power here…well he can have his little games, I can wait, when it comes to Castiel…I can wait' _

Eventually he heard a phone ringing, coming from a bin by the exit door to the club. He wondered over and found a brown package taped to the back of the bin, inside was the wringing phone.

"Hello?" He answered unsurely

"Deano, my boy. Did you miss me?" Crowley cried cheerfully.

"What now Crowley, what do I have to do to get him back?" Dean bit out, not rising to the false pleasantries.

"Well now, you can start by taking your mobile phone out of your pocket and smashing it to pieces on the floor….do it now and be warned I can see you and I will hurt your favourite part of Castiel if you defy my orders…go on guess which part I think is your favourite!" He chuckled darkly

'_Fuck it, how is Balthazar going to find me if I smash my phone, can Crowley really see me? He probably will be able to in the alleyway from the security cameras but not when I have to make my way to wherever I'm going next, perhaps I could contact Balthazar then?' _

So Dean took out his phone and stomped on it until it was good and smashed, he waited for further instructions from Crowley.

"Good boy Dean-o this will be so much better for Castiel if you continue being so co-operative. Now I want you to walk to the left end of the alleyway and get into the driver's seat of the blue van parked there….go now!"

Dean did as he said, as he reached the van he looked left and right to see if he could catch anyone's attention for help but it was nearing 10pm now and the streets were near deserted.

Dean just sighed and as he had no other option he reached for the handle and climbed inside.

He instantly had the cold metal of a gun pressed to the side of his head.

"Welcome Deano….drive, if you want Castiel to stay alive you will drive and follow my directions, nothing else, understood?

"Yes Crowley understood!" Dean replied whilst pulling the van away from the sidewalk and driving off into the night.

**Authors note: Oh I'm not even going to bother coming out from behind the sofa. **

**Crowley has Castiel and Dean now…Will he succeed in is deranged plan or will our boys manage to get away. **

**Reviews may help to create a little miracle that will help our boys out….**


	18. Chapter 18 - Tracking down

**Authors note: Thank you so much for all the reviews, you all deserve a shiny black Impala (I haven't actually got any to give you, but it's the thought that count's right?)**

**_Bold_ = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the storyline. **

**Chapter 18 – Tracking down**

Recap: _"Welcome Deano….drive, if you want Castiel to stay alive you will drive and follow my directions, nothing else, understood? "Yes Crowley understood!" Dean replied whilst pulling the van away from the sidewalk and driving off into the night. _

It had now been nearly two hours since Dean had left his house and his family behind to go and negotiate with what was quite clearly a completely insane person.

Crowley had refused to answer any of Dean's questions about Castiel as they were driving along he just kept saying "You'll see Dean-o, you'll see!" then laughing manically.

Dean did not like the sound of that one bit and he was annoyed to the point of wanting to drive the van straight into a wall just to shut Crowley's mocking laughter up, but he knew that would probably have dire consequences for Castiel, not to mention himself.

Eventually Crowley had made Dean drive to his old school building of all places and park round the back near the entrance to the old drama studio that 'The Garrison' had used to practice in all those years ago.

When Dean had stopped the van completely and handed the keys back as requested, Crowley jumped out and walked round the front, not taking the gun off dean for a second. He then motioned for Dean to get out and pushed him forward pressing the gun into his spine.

"Make a single sound and I'll blast your spinal cord to pieces, Okay doke?" Crowley whispered whilst encouraging Dean to move forward into the building.

They made their way through the old corridors, the building bringing back all sorts of memories for Dean. It had been re-decorated since he was last here about four and a half years ago but that was about the only thing that had changed.

Crowley pushed Dean down the stairs and into the old practice room or The Pit as they have affectionately called it. The room was just as Dean remembered; only now it was full of storage boxes and old desks.

Dean eyes were immediately drawn to the small stage area where Castiel was bound and gagged to a chair, his head was down and he looked terrible. For one horrible moment Dean thought he wasn't breathing, but just as he was about to cry out he saw Castiel's chest rise and fall slowly then his head lifted up slightly.

Castiel eyes widened with shock when he saw Dean standing in front of him with Crowley holding a gun to his head, he started to shift in his seat and try to make noises through the tape that was covering his mask.

"Cas, oh god Cas your OK! You are ok aren't you?" Dean exclaimed

Before Castiel could gesture yes or no Crowley pushed Dean forward towards a chair set up in front of a little desk in the corner of the room. On the desk was a laptop already turned on and hooked up to the schools internet.

"Sit down, don't move, don't make another noise…anything you do to piss me off with have pretty fucked up consequences for your little boy-toy over there" Crowley commanded whilst holding the gun at Deans temple.

Dean did as he was told and sat down, Crowley immediately set about tying his legs and waist to the chair, then gagging him. All the while Dean just stared over at Castiel trying to gage what sort of condition he was in; Castiel in return gazed back helplessly, trying desperately to keep his eyes open even though he just felt like slipping back into oblivion.

"Right Dean!" Crowley yelled making Dean jump out of his skin, "You are going to log into your bank accounts and transfer all of your money into this other account for me" He commanded gesturing to the bank details on the page in front of it.

"You are going to do it quickly and without any sort of hassle or I am going to get angry and start taking it out on princess Cas over there….got it Winchester!"

Dean nodded and went about accessing his personal account. It wasn't an easy task considering his wrists were bound together but eventually he managed it. When he finally got into it he tried to transfers the money to Crowley, there was just shy of $2m in there to be transferred. Dean knew that it wouldn't work but he couldn't tell Crowley that so he just tried and hoped Crowley would believe him. As soon as the little information box flashed up on the screen telling Dean that he could not transfer more that $50,000 without signing for it in person or pre-arranging it.

Dean nodded to the screen, gesturing with his hands that he was unable to do what Crowley requested.

Crowley actually growled "Do it again, TRY AGAIN!" his eyes going black with anger, making him look more deranged that he had done already.

He whipped Dean round the head with the barrel of the gun, almost making him fall sideways on the chair. Dean felt like he was going to black out for a moment, then he felt blood slowly dripping down the side of his face "Again do it again!" Crowley yelled, clearly losing his final shred of sanity.

They both heard the whimper coming from across the room, Castiel was obviously distressed watching Dean get hit, he was shaking with anger in the chair and struggling manically at his restraints.

'_Oh no Cas don't draw his attention to you'_ Dean thought worriedly, but it was too late and Crowley stormed over to where he was sitting on the stage.

Without breaking his stride Crowley shoved Castiel's chair backwards, it tipped slightly to the side meaning that Castiel's elbow arm landed awkwardly under him. Dean heard the bone or Castiel's arm snap from across the room and then Castiel's moans of pain.

Crowley turned back to Dean and yelled;

"Why are you not transferring my fucking money?" He then started beating Castiel around the head with his free hand.

"You are causing the pain for Castiel Dean; it could stop it if you do what I ask…" With that Crowley took a step back and booted Castiel in the stomach with all his might.

He stopped and smirked over at Dean, his eyes completely deranged and unfocused then he turned back and started to punch Castiel repeatedly over every part of his body. Dean could hear each punch and groan; it ripped right into his core making him feel truly helpless.

'_Fuck, he is mental; he is going to kill Cas if I don't do something! I need to get free now' Dean_ thought whilst desperately trying to wriggle his hands free.

Just as Crowley was lifting his foot to bring it down on Castiel's head armed police officers came charging into the room, they took in the situation and immediately aimed their weapons at Crowley shouting "Drop your weapon, drop it or we will put you down!"

Crowley sneered in their direction and started to lower the gun to the floor, at the last second he seemed to change his mind and suddenly turned to aim the gun at Dean who was still tied to the chair in the corner.

Gunshots rang out echoing around the small old drama studio, then everything went silent. Dean looked down at himself, expecting to see blood pumping out of his body somewhere, but he was OK, Crowley hadn't managed to get out a shot before the police had taken him out.

A couple of police ran over to untie Dean and check he was ok. A few others went to see if Crowley was actually dead and the others ushered in medical emergency personnel for Castiel.

As soon as Dean's mouth was uncovered he croaked out "Cas? Is he ok, please I need to know if he is ok…?"

He got up from the chair and tried to push past the officer in front of him, who stepped to block his path. One look from Dean told the officer that he was going to check on his man if he had to go through him or not. The officer sighed and stepped aside then followed Dean to where Castiel was lying prone and covered in blood on the stage.

Dean ran up to where Castiel was being treated just as the medical team were moving him to free his damaged arm from underneath his body. Castiel cried out in pain, he then looked up at Dean through swollen and bloodshot blue eyes "Dean?" he whispered before slipping away into unconsciousness.

It was just over a day later when Castiel was finally released from Intensive Care and moved into his own room. All the friends and family were in the hospital waiting to see him, they took it in turns coming in and sitting on the other side of the bed to where Dean was keeping constant vigil.

When Balthazar came in, Dean questioned him about how the police had found them.

"Hmm that would be my fault Dean, I may have slipped a tracking device into your pocket when I hugged you goodbye. It was one that Ruby had procured for me a while back when Cassie kept going AWOL…I just couldn't let you go off out there and risk losing you as well" He shrugged.

"Well I'm sure glad you did Balthazar, a couple more minutes and I don't think Castiel would have made it…I couldn't get free to help him…I was useless" Dean sighed, one single tear escaping from the corner of his eye.

"Dean you believed in him and went after him, which is more than a lot of people would or could have done. You at least tried and I will be eternally grateful to you for that"

Dean nodded and gave Balthazar a small smile; he then went back to stroking Castiel's hand.

Castiel woke up that evening, he felt like he had been hit by a bus but also kind of floaty and paced out as well;

'_Hmmm that will be the drugs they have me on then_'

He looked around the almost black room and saw that Dean was pasted out sound asleep with his head resting on his hands on the side of Castiel bed.

'_Oh god Dean, he's ok and he's here!" _Castiel thought ecstatically.

Castiel used his free unplastered arm to reach out for the drink on the table next to the bed; he took a long heavenly glug of water then put the cup back down. He started to brush his fingers through Dean's hair, and then began to sing softly;

"_You raised me from perdition, you took control._

_You remade my body and revived my soul. _

_You're the angle on my shoulder, you keep me strong _

_You're my reason for living life now, until my swan song" _

On the last word Dean finally blinked and looked up at Castiel.

"Cas?"

Dean jumped up and was about to launch himself at Castiel, he only just stopped in time remembering his broken arm and bruised body.

This stopped Dean in his track and he just stood next to the hospital bed, looking over Castiel, drinking in the sight of him.

"Oh god Cas, I was so scared I had lost you…I am never letting you out of my sight again...do you hear me! Never!" Dean cried.

Castiel chuckled through his busted lips and reached out with his good hand to cradle Dean's face.

"Don't worry I'm never leaving your side again Dean" He said seriously, causing Dean to sigh in contentment and relief.

Dean lent down and pressed small butterfly light kisses to Castiel's face, when he pulled away both had tears in there eyes.

"I love you so much Cas….I just….I cannot evening begin to explain how worried I have been about you… and yeah I love you"

"I love you too Dean…..so much, thank you for having faith in me"

Later the next day whilst Castiel was having a doctor's visit, hopefully to tell him he could be released Dean went out to spend some time with his family. As soon as he walked in to the waiting room he was immediately accosted by Mary and Sam, now that Castiel was safe and going to be OK they wanted some answers "Hey Dean, now that Cas is ok perhaps we can discuss what the hell you were thinking rushing off the be the god damn hero…without telling me!" Sam Cried indignantly.

Dean looked a bit sheepish at that,

"It was Cas Sammy, I had to do it, I had to try…" Dean explained "I am sorry I didn't say anything to you all, but I couldn't risk someone going to the police and putting Cas in more danger, I understand now how stupid that was and I'm sorry….but we are both ok, so it worked out ok in the end….."

"Hmmm!" Sam replied obviously not convinced

'_Sheesh that boy can hold a grudge!"_ Dean thought before going to his Mom and letting her pull him in for a well needed motherly hug.

Castiel was released from hospital that afternoon, Mary and John drove them home from the hospital, Dean fussing continually over Castiel the entire way home and into their house. Mary and John left them to it and made their way home for some well needed rest.

Dean insisted that Castiel go straight to bed and then insisted that he have a drink, then have some soup, then take some painkillers, then have an extra cushion, then an extra blanket.

Castiel finally snapped after about an hour of this treatment.

"Dean! Stop fussing!" He snapped causing Dean to take on a classic Sammy puppy dog look which made Castiel feel incredibly guilty.

"Please, I really appreciate you looking after me, but can you just sit with me for a while, come here…."He gestured to the bed next to him. Dean looked questioningly at Castiel's damaged arm;

"Its OK, I'll keep it out of the way, please just come and hold me Dean" Castiel pouted.

Dean couldn't help but chuckle at that and crept up the bed until he could wrap himself around Castiel on the side away from his bad arm, Dean rested his head on the pillow next to Castiel and they just sat gazing into each others eyes for about 5 minutes.

Castiel moved first, he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Dean's. Dean immediately responded and starting to kiss back lovingly.

'I'm glad to have you home Cas' Dean whispered against Castiel's lips.

"I'm so glad to be home and to be with you Dean" Castiel replied before leaning back and shutting his eyes. They were both soon sound asleep, safe and together.

**Authors note: *Springs out from behind the sofa happily***

**Our boys are ok! Woo hoo! Your reviews saved them! **

**Still a bit more story to go…. It's about time for a white wedding yeah! **


	19. Chapter 19 - Blushing bride

**Authors note: Hi, I'm back – sorry for the extreme tardiness I have been on holiday and doing crazy scavenger hunts for Misha Collins! **

**Thanks again for your reviews. Next chapter will be the last one *Sobs* but never fear I have more Destiel goodness running round my little ol' brain.**

**It's about time for a white wedding…yeah? **

**_Bold_**** = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the storyline. **

**Chapter 19 – Blushing bride **

Recap: "I'm so glad to be home and to be with you Dean" Castiel replied before leaning back and shutting his eyes. They were both soon sound asleep, safe and together.

It was a week later and Dean was trying to help Castiel into his suit for the wedding.

"Damn it Dean, this looks stupid! I wish I could just cut this fucking cast off my arm…" Castiel sulked like a grumpy child.

"Cas you look amazing, relax it'll be fine" Dean tried to calm him down.

"Easy for you to say, you haven't got a black and blue face and an arm sticking out at a weird angle!" Castiel cried out snatching the tie that Dean was trying to do up away from him and stomping over to the mirror to inspect his still swollen and bruised face.

"Look! I look like a freak and I have to get up in front of all those people and sing and I'm going to look stupid and I'm going to ruin Gabe's big day and everyone will laugh at me and I will ruin the song you wrote and….." He was cut of by Dean striding across the room and capturing his lips within his own.

Dean licked across Castiel's bottom lip asking for access which he was instantly granted. Dean then set about licking and stroking his tongue across every single inch of Castiel's mouth until they were both panting for air.

Dean pulled his mouth away but rested his forehead on Castiel's, gazing into his deep ocean blue eyes that were surrounded by different shades of blue, green and yellow from the bruising.

"Cas you are going to be amazing, you are always amazing. I will be right there with you….so you know everyone is going to be looking at the hotness that is me anyway…they won't even notice your gammy arm and roughed up face!" Dean laughed before turning to run away whilst Castiel tried to whip his backside with the tie he was still holding.

Once Castiel was finally ready he and Dean made their way over to the hotel that Gabriel was staying in to help him get ready.

They knocked on the door and were instantly greeted by an obviously well over excited Gabriel.

"Guys you're here!" Gabriel exclaimed pulling them both in for a hug "Come in! come in…." He gestured into the room.

Dean and Castiel made their way into the hotel room and looked around in horror;

"Um Gabe…just how much candy have you consumed?" Dean questioned whilst staring in disbelief at the candy wrappers covering nearly every surface of the room.

"One or two…I like Candy!" Gabriel cried whilst bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Wow you are having a major sugar high bro…" Dean observed.

"Perhaps we should get you like some broccoli or something to counter-act the sugar?" Castiel joked scooping some wrappers out of the way so that he could sit on the edge of the bed.

Gabriel just smiled manically over at Castiel whilst still hopping up and down.

"Come on short n sweet lets get you dressed for your wedding day – gotta be ready for that blushing bride of yours" Dean chuckled whilst unzipping Gabriel's suit bag.

"Hell yeah if I show up late I think she would literally kill me, her mom has already been on the phone this morning asking for advice on how to calm down a couple of extreme meltdowns, apparently her hair wouldn't go exactly right so she was going to shave it all off at one point…oh and she managed to convince herself that I was going to hate the dress so her mom had to describe it to me over the phone until she was persuaded that it was the dress of my dreams. Ha ha…What the hell am I letting myself in for? It going to be an interesting marriage! That's for sure!" Gabriel said, but his eyes filled with that loved up teenager type look that convinced Dean and Castiel that he knew exactly what he was doing.

Half an hour later they were all ready, Gabriel looking especially dapper in his top hat and tails. They climbed into the limo that was waiting outside the back entrance to the hotel away from the prying pap's eager for exclusive shots of the celebrity wedding party.

Most of the guests had already arrived by the time their car turned up at the quaint church on the outskirts of town.

They walked through the crowds being greeted by family and friends along the way. Sam ran over and picked Gabriel up into a massive bear hug.

"Put me down you big oaf!" Gabriel cried with mock indignation.

"But it's your wedding day man! You're getting hitched!" Sam cried, almost as excited as Gabriel.

Dean and Castiel walked along hand in hand behind Gabriel, people occasionally stopping them and enquiring how Castiel was doing after his traumatic experience.

They all made their way into the church and before long everyone were in their places waiting for the bride to arrive.

An excited shriek from outside the church alerted the peopke congregated inside to Becky's arrival. Everyone had a little chuckle at the classic Becky excitement; Gabriel grinned from ear to ear and looked over at Dean who was standing proudly next to him. Dean gave Gabriel a reassuring shoulder squeeze then checked his pocket for the rings one last time before the ceremony started.

The ceremony went without a hitch and at the end there wasn't a dry eye in the place. Becky managed to keep relatively composed throughout, with only the occasional Becky squeal. At the end of the ceremony, instead of the usual slow composed walk back down the aisle Gabriel decided to hitch Becky up into a piggyback and run full speed down the centre of the pews high-fiving everyone along the way, Becky screamed in excitement the entire length of the church and you could hear them both crying with laughter once outside.

Dean didn't know what to do for a second, left at the front by himself, until he felt a warm hand take his. He looked over to find Castiel smiling shyly up at him, he leaned in and gave Dean a quick but forceful kiss before they followed the happy, if slightly deranged couple outside.

After what seemed like at least a thousand photo's Dean thought his cheeks were going to fall off from over smiling. As soon as they got to the reception venue he went to the bar to grab a well deserved beer then went in search of Castiel. He found him deep in conversation with Balthazar.

"Hey guys! What's up?" Dean announced himself slipping his arm around Castiel waist and pecking him on the cheek.

Castiel snuggled into Deans embrace before looking back over to Balthazar questioningly.

Dean looked between them before asking "Balthy?"

"OK…Deano it seems that your little run in with the 'insane man that shall not be named' has caused a lot of media interest and the record company have been hounding me to take full advantage of this and get you guys set up for some kind of come back tour. I was just asking my little bro if he felt anywhere near up for that" He replied shrugging his shoulders.

Dean looked stunned, he hadn't even considered the idea of getting the band back on the road, it just seemed too soon and he needed some time to get used to everything else that had happened in the last year. Plus he was pretty sure that it would be way too much for Castiel to take on yet. Dean looked deep into Castiel's deep blue eyes, searching for his view on the matter. He ended up getting lost In those pools of blue as per usual.

"Hmph! Whilst it's sometimes entertaining to watch you too eyefuck… it's actually making me kinda uncomfortable right now…!" Balthazar huffed.

Castiel chuckled and turned to Balthazar "Sorry dude, got a bit lost for a second there"

"Yeah sorry" Dean mumbled still staring at Castiel.

"Dean? What do you think?" Balthazar finally questioned.

Dean sighed and tore his eyes from Castiel's. "Balth, I have no idea man, it seems a bit too soon…I would be worried about Cas taking on too much yet…" He looked back at Castiel imploring him to understand that he didn't mean that as a bad thing.

"Its ok Dean, I'm not so sure I could handle it just yet either…hell I'm not sure I can even handle singing in front of everyone here, but I think we need to at least give it some thought, for the sake of the others as well?"

Dean nodded "OK we'll think about it…that cool Balth?"

"Sure is Deano, I just said I would ask…no pressure at all" Balthazar replied before heading off to find his pregnant and hormonal wife.

Half an hour later and everyone was seated at the dining tables wetting themselves with laughter at Gabriel's speech. He was in the middle of telling a story about one of Becky's most over the top fits that had happened when he'd accidently broken her framed 'Free Will' Platinum disc from their first album.

"I swear her eyes turned black like she was possessed and I thought I was gonna have to dig out a crucifix and some holy water! So I did the only thing that I could do, the only thing that seems to catch her attention every time….my sexy dance! Oh yeah didn't you all know that I has some sweet sweet moves….' Gabriel proved this by giving everyone a quick rendition of his sexy moves causing much more hilarity amongst the group.

"So there I was giving it my all, shaking my tush and thrusting in her general direction…well she sure shocked the hell out of me by running over kissing me like it was our last second on earth and telling me that she loved me for the first time…that's when I realised that this here was the girl that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. My crazy, over emotional, slightly insane wife, with the kindest most loving heart and warmest smile that is more addictive to me that candy. Becky I love you and I want to thank you for making me the happiest man alive. Please everyone raise your glasses to the crazy bride"

"The crazy bride!" everyone toasted before collapsing in more fits of laughter.

Next up was Dean; he had been so cool about the speech up until now. When he stood up and saw everyone's eyes on him he just wanted the world to swallow him up but he looked over at Gabriel and Becky telling himself to man up and do this for them.

He kept his speech short and sweet, telling a funny tale about Gabriel's extreme candy addiction and his sometimes completely inappropriate sense of humour. He concluded his speech by saying how wonderful a couple they were and how it is amazing to find someone that special in life, this said whilst smiling lovingly into Castiel's eyes, causing a chorus or awwww's. Finally he toasted the happy couple and they all got down to eating the fantastic meal that had been dished out.

As time went on Castiel got more and more nervous about having to get up and sing. He didn't even remember the last time that he had been on stage without the added buzz of some kind of narcotic. He new that he was starting to get stressed and snappy at Dean so he decided to go and wash his face to try and calm down before he was due on in 20 minutes.

Castiel knew something strange was going on as soon as he stepped into the men's restrooms. Two guys, Gabriel's cousins he thought, were looking proper shifty standing over in the corner by the counter next to the sinks. As he walked past something was quickly whisked out of view but it wasn't quite quick enough as Castiel realised what it was straight away

_'No no no no, please not now! Please don't let them have coke, right the fuck when I need it most….! Shit what do I do…what do I do?'_

He took a breath, realising that he was standing staring at the two men probably making them very uncomfortable. One of them whispered to the other and chuckled darkly before turning to Castiel and saying;

"Hey dude d'ya want some…isn't this like your thing?" He laughed again taking out the envelope of white powder and holding it out to Castiel.

Castiel stood and just stared at the packet, knowing that it would give him the euphoria that he so desperately craved, knowing that it would make all his worries and troubles float away…. In that moment he made a decision, he strode the couple of paces between him and the thing he needed like he needed air, he held out his hand to the man holding the packet and waited for it to be placed into his palm.

**Authors note: *Gets back behind the sofa guiltily***

**You now what ya gotta do to get the next chapter up quickly…. Review. Thanks **


	20. Chapter 20 - Free will or inevitability

**Authors note: Last Chapter in this lil' story. I hope that you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Each and every review you have given me is an absolute joy and spurs me on to continue writing, so from the bottom of my heart….Thank you so much.**

**Oh Castiel….what have you done?**

**_Bold_**** = Flashback **

**Warning: This contains very mature content of a sexual nature including S/M, plus male/male content – if you don't like, then please don't read – it is rated M for a very good reason. **

**Disclaimer: Eric Kripke is the master of all except my little story. **

**Chapter 20 – Free will or inevitability **

_Recap: "In that moment he made a decision, he strode the couple of paces between him and the thing he needed like he needed air, he held out his hand to the man holding the packet and waited for it to be placed into his palm._

Dean realised that Castiel had been a hell of a long time in the restroom and that he was due on stage any minute. _'What the hell could be keeping his stroppy little ass?'_ He wondered, getting up from where he'd been sitting talking to Sam and Anna to go search for his nervous and grumpy boyfriend.

It crossed Dean mind for a second that it may have all been too much for Castiel and that he may have flipped out and run off to find some sort of drugs, but as quickly as those negative thoughts came he pushed them away. He had to give Castiel the benefit of his doubt, he'd was so damn proud of how he'd managed to sort himself out and give Dean the old Castiel back.

Dean saw two young guys storm out of the restroom looking majorly pissed off just before Castiel stepped out behind them looking more confident and calm than he had done for a hell of a long time.

"Yo Cas, what's going on? Who were they and why did they look pissed off?" Dean enquired but didn't get an answer as Castiel just grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the stage

"Later Dean, we have a song to perform!" He exclaimed as he bounded towards where Balthazar was just about to announce him.

"Ladies and Gentleman, it is an absolute honour to announce the first dance, it is also an extreme personal honour to welcome my little brother Castiel back to the stage to sing the first dance song for the happy couple" Balthazar beamed at Castiel as he climbed onto the stage and handed him the microphone.

Dean settled onto a chair behind Castiel with his acoustic guitar and did a few quick tuning checks, all the while trying not to give into the sinking suspicion eating away inside him _'what the hell was all that about with Castiel? Why did he suddenly seem like all the weight had magically been lifted off his shoulders?' _

He had no time to dwell on that thought as Gabriel and Becky had arrived on the dance floor, so Dean started to strum the beginning of their song leading Castiel into the first verse.

Castiel looked over his shoulder at Dean and winked, then he proceeded to give his most heartfelt, breathtaking and outstanding performance of his life. There was barely a dry eye in the place when he brought the song to a close holding the last note for an almost impossible amount of time.

As soon as the song finished the overwhelmed and over emotional mess that was Becky came rushing up onto the stage and pulled first Castiel and then Dean into a huge, if slightly awkward hug, thanking them for making her and Gabriel's day absolutely perfect before rushing off again to hug just about everyone else in the room.

Dean was lost in his own thoughts again, he didn't even notice that Castiel had come over to him and was trying to snap him out of his morbid internal monologue.

"Dean!?" Castiel finally yelled tapping him impatiently on the arm.

Dean jumped and looked up into those blue eyes again; eyes that now seemed a little too bright. _'Shit he hoped he was wrong, he really truly pried to all that is holy that his Cas wasn't back on the drugs...it would end him'_

Castiel could sense that something bad was going on with Dean; he needed to talk to him anyway so he took hold of his hand and dragged him out of a fire exit just of the side of the stage.

Dean let himself be dragged along, not really able to form any words to protest right now.

Castiel glanced around the grounds of the venue before spotting a little seating area tucked away towards the back of the lush gardens, he pulled a far too pliable Dean over to the bench and pushed him down.

Dean just stared at his shoes whilst Castiel paced up and down on the gravel in front of the bench. Castiel was obviously about to say something to Dean and was trying to find the right words, Dean wished he could just pause time right there, he wished he wasn't about to have the conversation he knew was sure to take place any time now.

"Dean I'm not sure what's going on with you right now, but I have something to tell you….." Castiel suddenly pushed the first sentence out making Dean jump again but still not look up.

"Dean when I went into the restroom….I…well I was offered drugs" Castiel sighed.

Dean could feel his whole world collapsing around him; his head was filled with white noise so much so that he almost missed the next part of Castiel speech. "….so I snatched the packet out of his hand, stormed into the nearest cubicle and flushed the lot!" Castiel was saying

"Wait…you what? Cas say that again!" Dean cried thrust back into consciousness again.

"Dean I did it, I managed to say no! not only that but I managed to flush the whole thing so that the two other guys couldn't do it either….I did that and I felt amazing afterwards….it gave me more of a euphoric rush than any narcotic ever could. Dean…I said no!" Castiel was crying now his emotions finally getting the better of him whilst Dean was doing his best guppy impression with mouth opening and closing in disbelief.

When it did finally register what Castiel had said Dean sprung up off the bench and nearly knocked Castiel backwards with the force of his full body hug. Dean was crying as well now and kissing Castiel all over his entire face.

"Cas! Oh my Cas…I love you so much…I am so fucking proud of you right now…I just I can't believe it…" Dean stopped then and took a step back from Castiel realising that he would have to explain what he had been thinking to Castiel.

"Cas, I'm so sorry baby. I thought the worst, when I saw you coming out of the bathroom after those guys and you were suddenly so full of confidence…well I jumped to the wrong conclusion and I am so sorry…" Dean looked down at his shoes again felling fresh tears well up.

"Dean…" Castiel whispered "I understand, hell I probably would have thought the same thing. To be honest I am in as much shock as you that I managed to say no, I never managed to say no before so I completely understand why you would think that I didn't this time…god Dean the stuff I have put you through well I am just happy that you are giving me a chance at all, anymore than that is an absolute miracle to me" Castiel stepped into Dean's personal space and reached for his chin so he could tilt his head up to meet his.

"I love you with all my heart Dean Winchester and I want to thank you for even considering giving me another chance, I have proved tonight that I don't have to let you down, that I can be strong and I will do everything I can to continue proving myself to you….if you'll let me?"

Dean grinned up at Castiel with watery eyes "Cas you are amazing, but I want you to promise me something… prove it to yourself as well, you have to learn to trust yourself again as well as for me to trust you. What you have done today is nothing short of amazing and…well I kinda love you too…gammy arm and all"

They embraced then, for both of them that felt like the beginning of the fresh start. The start of something new and exciting.

* * *

A while later they went and re-joined the party but never really strayed far from each other, if they were not next to the other they would be searching with their eyes. They would give reassuring, loving and sometime down right suggestive looks whilst supposedly in conversation with other guests at the reception.

Eventually Gabriel picked up on this and insisted that they "Go get a room as you're making the other guest feel a bit queasy with all the smoochyness going on!"

So they did just that.

* * *

Once alone in one of the hotel rooms assigned for the guests Castiel suddenly started to feel nervous. He wanted Dean so much but wasn't sure what Dean would be after or if he would be ready to take the next step yet.

He soon had his answer when Dean slunk towards him with such a filthy expression on his face as he seductively slid first his tie off and then his shirt leaving him in dress slacks and shiny shoes, all toned bronzed muscle. Castiel didn't think he had ever seen anyone look more delicious in his entire life.

"Hey Cas….?" Dean questioned

"Um yes Dean?" Castiel squeaked out

"Need a hand getting out of that suit baby?" Dean replied huskily, voice almost strained with need.

"Yeah I think I might Dean" Castiel replied more confidently this time, giving Dean a cheeky grin.

Dean started to undo Castiel tie, never taking his eyes off of Castiel's. Once he had removed the tie he lent in and kissed lightly down Castiel jaw causing him to shiver. Next came the shirt, after each button Dean would lean in and kiss Castiel on the mouth, each time the kiss would get more bad more passionate until finally all the buttons were undone. Dean then renewed his attack of Castiel's mouth with added force and lust filled passion as he gently tugged his bad arm out of the sleeve and slid the item of clothing down his back, fingers running over the warm sensitive flesh that was now exposed.

Dean eventually pulled away from the kiss, because he needed to breathe but also because he felt that they were really wearing too many clothes still. He stepped back slightly causing Castiel to pout, Dean just chuckled and reached down to undo his belt in one swift movement. Castiel, realising that this was definitely not the end, quite the opposite in fact started grinning like a schoolboy and watching Dean revealing himself to him. Dean undid his trousers and slid not only them but also his pants down his thighs, in his rush he had forgotten to take his shoes off though and he huffed in annoyance when he realised his mistake.

Castiel didn't miss a beat; he slid to his knees and went to work on Dean's shoes removing one after the other, occasionally glancing up at his smiling boyfriend. Once the shoes were off Castiel sat up a bit and reached up for the trouser's he slid them and Dean's underwear off of first one leg then the other until Dean was standing before him fully erect and absolutely stunning.

Castiel sat and tried to take in the sight before him for a moment his eyes travelled over every single detail, from the firm pecks with just a scattering of fine sandy hair, down to the v at his waist that led to darker coarser hair that surrounded Dean's swollen and weeping cock, all pink and glistening. His eyes reluctantly left that area and slid further down to his strong hard looking thighs, then onto his toned calves, slender ankles and finally his beautiful feet.

Castiel sighed; he really was one of the luckiest people in the world right now. He didn't think he deserved Dean at all and now he was standing in front of him in full glory looking like a god it make Castiel feel completely unworthy. Dean sensing Castiel's change of mood immediately slid down to his knees, pulling Castiel into an embrace. "Cas, what's up? Please talk to me my angel" Dean whispered into his ear.

"Dean…I…I don't feel like I deserve you. You are so much more than I'll ever be. How can you even stand to be near me?" Castiel whimpered clinging onto Dean for dear life.

"Shit Cas are you kidding me!" Dean exploded "That is the last time I ever want to hear that from you OK, you mean everything, you are everything…to have gone through what you have been through…an addiction by the way which you cannot be blamed for! To come through it and to manage to say no when offered the one thing you want…well I should feel like the one that isn't worthy. I should be on this self pity trip…not you…never you Cas. You hear me!" Dean trailed off feeling like he was going to break at any moment.

Castiel realised that he had let his self pity get the better of him and ruin the moment between him and Dean; well he would change that right this second.

He stood up and yanked down his trousers before reaching down for Dean's hand and pulling him up so they were chest to chest.

"Dean I just need to feel something good and pure right now, I just need to feel you, all of you…so please can you just be kissing me again now…?" He expressed with pleading eyes.

Well how could Dean resist that, they could discuss anything else tomorrow, right now he too needed to feel that closeness again.

There were no games this time, no provocative innuendos or suggestive movements. Just Dean and Castiel needing each other and expressing that need with loving tender strokes, kisses and maybe the occasional nibble.

Castiel felt like he was going to combust from the full force of his emotions. "Dean…" He groaned out in between kisses around Dean's neck. "Dean I want you in me…please Dean I need to feel you inside"

Dean moaned at those words, them almost sending him over the edge already.

"Cas, if I hurt you, your arm anything you have to let me know OK?" Dean said voice full of worry.

"Dean I trust you, you won't hurt me"

So Dean gently positioned Castiel onto his back on the bed and slowly spread his thighs apart. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the lube he'd remembered at the last minute. When he had enough room Dean leant forward and started to lightly suck and kiss Castiel's nipples whilst swirling his lubed up finger around Castiel entrance. Slowly he began adding pressure until he slipped slightly into the warmth of Castiel's hole feeling the muscles clench in involuntary protest around him. He swirled around the outside again before plunging slowly back in, working in a little further this time. He continued the patterned until he managed to get his finger fully inserted; he then bent inside until he found the little nub of nerves that he knew would feel so good for Castiel. He was right, as soon as he stroked against them Castiel cried out "Dean! Oh Dean fuck me!"

"Patience young Castiel!" Dean chuckled whilst slowly inserting another finger. Once he had three fingers enclosed in the moist warmth he removed them and leant forward over Castiel capturing his now swollen red lips within his own before saying "Cas baby, you ready for me?"

"Always, always ready for you Dean" Castiel replied taking charge of Dean's mouth as he felt Dean solidness pressing against his entrance. Dean slipped past the first ring of muscles causing another string of curses to be yelled out by Castiel. Once he felt the muscles accommodating him he slid in further and further until he was flush against Castiel body.

"Shit Cas so tight, so very fucking tight…" Dean groaned out sounding lie he was almost in pain.

He stilled for a moment just staring down into the wide blue trusting eyes below him. He felt so much love in that moment that he literally thought it may consume him. "I love you so much Cas, I want to be with you for the rest of my life, don't ever leave me again OK?"

"Never, ever again Dean, I need you too much and love you so much it actually hurts!"

"Well we can't have that, let's see if we can make you forget all about the hurt" Dean replied as he started to slowly and sensually thrust in and out.

They continued like that thrusting against each other at a slow unhurried rhythm, both just relishing in the feel of the other. Dean finally couldn't take it anymore so he reached between them and started to pump at Castiel at the same time as he started to Increase the speed of his thrusts until eventually they were both screaming out each others names as they reached completion, Castiel's clenching inner muscles milking Dean for all he was worth.

When they had both come down from their high they snuggled up together, both feeling happier and more positive about the future than they had done in a long long time.

* * *

The next day Dean and Castiel went down to meet the rest of the wedding party for breakfast.

Gabriel and Becky were already their, both bouncing happily about and talking a mile a minute to whomever was in earshot. They both waved over at Dean and Castiel as they took a seat at a table with Meg and Balthazar. Meg looked like one wrong word would result in manslaughter and Balthazar just looked lie his usual laid back self. Sam and Anna were seated off in the corner by themselves, Anna sitting on Sam's lap staring lovingly into his eyes, both completely oblivious to anyone else around them.

"So did you guys think about what we discussed yesterday….or were you busy doing other things?" Balthazar asked suggestively after taking in the 'get-a-roominyness of Dean and Castiel.

Castiel glared at his big brother for a second before answering the question "Well due to certain things that took place yesterday, I think that I personally would be ready to get back to business….If everyone else is willing?" The last part was said questioningly at Dean.

"You sure Cas? I mean if you're sure then I'm on board too but I don't want you feeling pressure to rush back into it"

"I'm sure Dean, it's what I was born to do, well that and…." The last part he whispered erotically into Dean's ear causing Dean to blush bright ready and cry out "Castiel!"

Balthazar laughed at their antics, even Meg chuckled a little bit before she went back to wishing them all dead due to her hormones.

"We'll most of the others have agreed, we have one problem though, that is that Kevin doesn't want to return, he wants to concentrate on his career in literature so we'll need a new keyboard player" Balthazar explained.

Sam and Anna had joined them just before Balthazar finished his sentence, having snapped themselves out of Sam and Anna world.

"We need a new keyboard player?" Sam questioned

"Yeah Kevin had declined the offer of returning…" Balthazar confirmed

"Well…Anna plays keyboard, she is awesome! Would you do it sweetie?" Sam asked a slightly shocked looking Anna.

"Um well yeah sure…if you guys want me too? She replied tentatively.

"Hell yeah, I've got some wicked songs planned that would sound awesome with a strong female backing vocal as well if you're up for it?" Dean cried looking to Castiel for confirmation, who was just grinning and nodding happily.

Gabriel and Becky chose that moment to join them too.

"Who's up for what?" Gabriel questioned

"Anna taking over from Kevin! whose quit!" Sam explained going into full over excited puppy mode.

"Cool, welcome aboard Anna!" Gabriel said giving Anna a quick hug.

"Oh My God!" Becky suddenly cried "Oh My God, does this mean you guys are getting back together! Ahhhhhhh that is so exciting! Will there be a new album, more touring….Oh my God I have to inform the fansite…..Ahhhhh!" She then started hyperventilating until Gabriel put his arms around her and said

"Becky my love, please calm down….I really don't want to have to do my full sexy dance during breakfast…" Gabriel laughed causing everyone else to crack up.

When they had all calmed down Castiel broke the silence by saying;

"So Team Free Will back together again, well I for one cannot wait! This is going to be awesome!"

Dean lent over and kissed Castiel full on the mouth before agreeing "Yeah it is!"

**Authors note: Go Team Free Will – Woo hoo! **

**Thanks again to all those who have stuck with me throughout. That's all for this fic folks. **

**I may be persuaded to do a future story or two, maybe even a little side story. Becky and Gabe or Sam and Anna's if you guys want. Gotta let me know though. Thanks again – you all rock!**


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